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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DGC 3 not in nursery

89 replies

Tellmemoreaboutthat · 20/10/2020 20:59

My son & dil have 2 DC, 3 & a younger one. Neither are in nursery, DIL is a stay at home mum.

She does take the children out a lot, they meet up with friends who have children the same age, DGC’s seem friendly and social enough.

I am worried though, that DGC will be overwhelmed when they start school if they’ve never been in a nursery setting.

Son & DIL say they don’t see the need as she is home with them and she wants to enjoy ‘their time’ before the DC go to school.

Is it selfish? Putting her needs before the DC? Or aibu?

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 20/10/2020 22:31

All children have never been to nursery before they start. There's no reason to suggest she'll be overwhelmed at 4 but fine at 3, or that is better she's overwhelmed now than later.

Parkingt111 · 20/10/2020 22:31

@Tellmemoreaboutthat my daughter has never been to nursery and I had the same concerns as you do that she would struggle when starting full time reception but she has settled in really well and loving school she has also made friends who she always talks about so she has done ok
hope that eases your worries

MindyStClaire · 20/10/2020 22:34

As has been said, it's just not your call, you don't get a vote. They're going to have to make loads of parenting decisions over the years and it's inevitable that you won't agree with them all. Just smile and nod and remember that your grandchildren have living, caring parents. They'll be fine regardless.

As the mother to a 2.5 year old (full-time nursery from 10 months) and a baby, I will say your DIL being a SAHM to two small children with no nursery is anything but selfish.

Ratatcat · 20/10/2020 22:34

I agree with you and think you’ve had a hard time. There are plenty of lovely pre-schools about where she could do a couple for half day sessions and then get some 1:1 time with the little one. I’d have also thought with the current restrictions it’s much harder to be getting out to the usual play groups, soft play sessions etc.

Her choice though obviously and it sounds like she’s enjoying having the time. She can do a lot of the school readiness stuff at home so it doesn’t have to be nursery or nothing.

Heyahun · 20/10/2020 22:35

Funded hours doesn’t mean free

Are you going to pay for it? Maybe they can’t afford it

The children will have to cope with school when it comes - they may find it harder than a child who has been at nursery - but they will get there

Nobody I know went to nursery when I was a child- most of my friends had a stay at home mum or at most a babysitter - we all went to a co oil eventually and turned out fine.

Aahh99 · 20/10/2020 22:40

My mil keep saying to my OH that our son needs nursery now, he's 2.
OH is a stay at home dad as he had a period of illness, now better and ready to work but still high risk with covid about.
Feel likes there is always a dig about him not being at nursery. How he's not developed etc.
He's doing just fine without nursery actually.

As others have said... Not your children. Just respect the decision of your son and dil.
Kids catch up, and personally, I'd feel the same, they are only little. For a short time, why not as parents can't we enjoy that time if we are lucky enough not to be having to work full time.

Beamur · 20/10/2020 22:45

Going to nursery isn't essential. Kids starting in Reception may take a little longer to settle, but that's not a given.
I say this kindly, support your son and his wife in their choices. What might have worked for you as a parent, might not be their style. Let them do this their own way.
Enjoy being a grandparent.

Clareflairmare · 20/10/2020 22:49

In my experience teaching reception, children of stay at home parents that haven't ever been in childcare do absolutely fine. Regardless it's clearly a very valid parenting decision so really none of your business. I hope you don't make your (totally unjustified) opinions known to your DiL!

bethany39 · 20/10/2020 22:58

Stop blaming your DIL for a joint decision

ScarMatty · 20/10/2020 23:02

Maybe look at the science.
And all the actual information that says no nursery before 5 is perfectly fine?

And all those saying "nursery will help separation anxiety"... quite the opposite happens

Devlesko · 20/10/2020 23:02

YABU, mine didn't go to nursery either, you sound like my mil always letting me know her opinion.
None of your business.

MrsToothyBitch · 20/10/2020 23:05

If they all seem happy, I'd leave them to do what obviously works for them - including their DM. I went to nursery, I can remember hating it and really struggling. I think it probably negatively impacted me socially for a while afterwards although I did well academically at school. DP by contrast didn't ever settle and got taken back out by his parents after a short while. Went to school fine.

StripyHorse · 20/10/2020 23:09

I think a lot of the funding for free nursery places started with the idea of giving all children a fair start; not all children are read to or taken out to the park or played with etc. It sounds like this doesn't apply to your GC though. Let them have this time at home without the structure of school - there's years of that ahead of them!

ProfessorofCunning · 20/10/2020 23:28

Maybe they are going to home educate and haven’t told you yet 😁

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