To put my foot down on washable nappies?

[susiecutie]

hi

I'm posting this in desperation...

as my title suggests, i'm trying to put my foot down on using washable nappies... as opposed to disposables.

I am using washable nappies. i LOVE them, and dont want to and feel I wont go back to using usables. My Dd has hip probs ( dislocation etc) and was in harness. i wont go into it all as i dont need advise on that... but i know they can be of benefit to hip problems and in preventing them in the first place...

my problem is :

My DH hates washables. He thinks they look disgusting. Are disgusting, hates them, detests them... thinks they are massive and make her look big ( she is tiny for her age) do you get the picture? bit cannot give me anything more than those reasons...

I am trying to come up with every single reason as to why we should ( and why i wont change) using reusables.

Other than the enviromental issues, the issues about her skin and not having the chemicals from disposable on her skin etc...
I know one really good reason is about the fantastic hip postition and the benefits to her in terms of further hip development. Does any one have any research on this? can anyone point me in right direction?

or, can anyone come up with more good reasons i can talk to him about. He is insisting that when he changes her he will put on a disposable, despite that she now gets nappy rash if using one...

He is being so stubborn about it, ( or am I ?) I dont know what else to do I feel very strongly about using them, and since i am the one who doe the majrity of changes surely how i feel about them is more imprortant?

It is causing big arguments which actually are fairly unheard of with us.... plus we are only together at weekends now due to his job.

can anyone help? i'm really upset about it. hes gone to do the shopping and went off terribly cross with me as i wont compromise... ( i.e. let him use disposables when he changes her)

I've posted this elsewhere too, to help get response!

Susiecutie, your dh sounds like mine used to be.

He seemed to thwart me in every decision I made about ds, whether this was bf vs ff, slings vs pram, reusable vs disposable.

I put my foot down on all of these issues. Unfortunately I also "made a rod for my own back" (that favourite phrase of mils up and down the country) in that I was the one who ended up carrying him, changing him, feeding him (well, okay, I can't expect him to lactate ) and so on and so forth.

However he's come around a lot now, and even the other night apologised for how he'd been in the early days trying to pressure me into ff, disposables, sleep training etc. He even co-sleeps with me and ds... and enjoys it!

So I asked him why he had been like that. He said it was because he had felt jealous of me getting to make all the decisions, and that he almost went directly against what I wanted just so he felt he had a say.

Could there be an element of this in your dh's behaviour? If so, might it help to let him make one or two of the decisions regarding baby care? Perhaps ones that you don't feel are quite as important as this issue?

Just a thought!!

THank you ALL for your replies.

I am really relieved to know i'm not being unreasonable! Its one of those things, you know when you feel passionate about something, you get slightly tunnel vision and dont always see that you are being unreasonable...

Firstly, 'we' are using Slinki Minkis already ;) which i think are great.. he thinks they are ugly... so i've ordered some plain wonderoos which are alot slimmer and maybe not so 'in your face' So already on pocket ones, which I pre-stuff to make it even easier... but maybe the sliimer plainer ones will appeal a little more? ( after all its his money that pays for them all...

It is the only thing i can think of that we have argued about with regards to her care... and am still at a loss to why! so no need for relate

I think that there IS a big issue with the whole being away in the week and feeling he's not contributing to her care, so when he's with us, he does all the bathing, washing, dressing etc. reading story and putting to bed. the only thing i do, is breast feed her! which at 9 months he's now keen that I stop, again, i think so he can feed her in the night too... not sure though. but in answer to one of you he's not a control freak at all... usually

Anyway, back to nappies... i\m not sure why, having been told about the benefits to her hip he would still be inisiting on this. I have had a life tine of disability and pain with mine which were spotted late and then operated on thorugh out my life. I want to give her any extra help i possible can to prevent this happening to her. WE are just waiting now to hear if she needs surgery. She wore a fixed harness on her hips for 14 weeks when she was 3 months
old.
I've done journal searches for more info on it ( i'm an nurse and have access to loads of journal research sites ) but still no joy..

I think that i will have to relent and let him use them at weekend on ONLY the changes he does. which means if he taking off one after me, its still a cloth one...

I will also talk to him a bit more, when not so heated, about his pros for using horrible disposables... as i need to know why...

thank you all again, much appreciated your input.! and am glad i'm not being unresaonable...

agree with Soupy re Bumgenius, they are actually thinner than Wonderoos and go on exactly like a disposable. I didn't find them as long-lasting as some of my other nappies thought

A father wanting the mother to give up bf sounds like jealous father to me. The mother-baby bf relationship is a very intimate one. I can understand some men might be jealous. But IMO it is not a good reason to wean from the breast. I was so glad I was still bf when my ds had nasty stomach bug at 20 months - floppy, scary fever, keeping nothing but bm down until he was keeping nothing down (or up) at all. Then bm was the first thing he could take when he started to get better. I'm sure he would have been hospitalised if I'd not had bm to give him. Far, far more important than the insecurities of an adult.

This is definitely about more than nappies isn't it?

"after all its his money that pays for them all..." er no, it's the family income regardeless of who goes out to work and who cares for the children.

"the only thing i do, is breast feed her! which at 9 months he's now keen that I stop"

Your DH seems to be more interested in making decisions and being in sole control of your DD than actually caring for her. Normally using disposables rather than washables would just be an issue where you could compromise, but given your DD hip problems it seems very churlish of him to want to use disposables because washables "make her look big".

I understand that he doesn't see much of your DD and wants to be a good father, but I do think you have some serious talking to do here.

BTW I thought that your thread title was hilarious. I would never advocate putting your foot down on washable nappies as it would get all wet and messy

"after all its his money that pays for them all..."

oh no oh no oh no it's not

Nine is right

money coming into a partnership with children is joint money. You are both contributing to the partnership, you in your care of your growing family, and he in the world of work

this is far far far more disturbing than anything you have said about nappies

"after all its his money that pays for them all..."

Blimey, pick up on one sentance!

Hold on there now... this is being WAY too over analyzed here... This IS actually about the nappies!

currently DH IS the only person bringing in an income to our household. yes, its OUR household. of course it is. I was meaning by that that i am still using washable nappies, and when we need more, which we currently do as i cannot currently do the washing as often due to my back problem... that its up to him if he wants that money to be going on something that will ultimately be wasted if I were to stop using them, if this is what he wants.

He sees his income as OUR income. everything we have is OURS. so yes in that case the bliddy nappies are OURS too! I dont have to ask for money, its just there. I dont need his permission to buy anything, we have a joint account and credit card. I just use them and he pays them off! we do every thing as jointly as you can, when 200 miles apart.

Blimey. I was just trying to make the point in a REALLY tongue in cheek way!

It is not disturbing in the slightest I am the main carer of our baby girl in the week, purely through circumstances at the moment. He would, if he were here happily share in all the care of her, and does, with pleasure when he is home or we are up staying with him in his hotel.

I didnt go into all of it because it didnt seem necessary. however, it seems i should.. he is NOT jealous of me bf Dd at all. I have a really really bad back injury at the moment, and cannot care for her with out alot of help at the moment. Just the day to day domestic stuff, like washing up, cleaning, sticking in the washing, putting the high chair up and down, even lifting her in and out of her cot at times is very difficult.

I do not sleep much at night due to both dd waking, and my back waking me. He is keen that i think about stopping bf so that my mum can have Dd over night from time to time to give me a break/ catch up on small amount of sleep... or so that he can get up and feed her if this is all she is wanting to settle with. I'm aware she doesnt theoretically need feeding at this age, but, she comfort sucks alot, and at times is genuinely really hungry and drinks for england in the night. he would like on the occasions she cant be settled with out me bf her, that he can give her some kind of feed from a cup or bottle.

At the moment, he does do everything at the weekend, to give me a break. He loves doing it, and is great at it too. If we were together all week, it would be very different and i konw we would each share it all. the point about I only b'f at the weekend is that he tries to do as much as he can, including feed her lunch and tea etc but cannot b/f, so this is all i do at the weekend that he doesnt. In fact this weekend, he has gutted out home, cleaned much better than i ever can, and cared for Dd and me too really well.

we have talked more about the nappies this evening, and he has thoguht about it ( whilst shopping... and having been reminded of the cost of disposables ha ha ) He has agreed with me on all my reasons... but what really 'drew' him into them was.... me using terries today as the others weren't dry in time... and he loved the nappy nippa!!! I also asked him to work out the diagram for some different folds for them ( i'm quite capable really, but i know he likes diagrams and problem solving... ) SO, he practiced loads on her today, and was totally sold by the nappy nippa. I'm waiting for some slimmer ones to be delivered any day now. plus some slimmer inserts for the minkis.

So, please dont see this as a far deeper issue and imply we must have problems with our relationship and the balance of it there is really no need to worry about that at all. We are a happy little family, just having some difficult circumstances to get through at the moment, and which nappies we use really is not one of them. I really only wanted some advise in 'selling ' them a bit more to him!

thank you though, honestly alot of what you have all said has genuinly been helpful and i appreciate you taking the time to

P.S.

So, the outcome is that once i knew i wasnt being unreasonable, ( thank you all ) I did put my foot down ( not in them literally...) on using them.

Me stopping Bf isn't a huge issue to him, and I really don't want to stop bf her, at all, anytime soon. he is fine with this ( of course) and does understand why. He knows she enjoys it, and gets so much from it. he is only 'keen' for the reasons stated, purely to help me more.

LOL! Sold! By the nippa! Who wudda thunk it! I take back what I said about the Bumgenius, he'll clearly hate them!

That's so wierd! my DH was really unconvinced by the modern nappies - but give him a terry and a nippa and he's a bloody genius! It must be the satisfaction of doing something technical lol!
Lisa x

Thats it Jamilla! technical, gadgety... practical... diagrams etc.. and all those put together! bingo.. why did i not think of these before! So, we are now using a combo of terrys ( especially when he's here... ) and any other nappy i buy for when i'm doing it! lol

He EVEN suggested putting a washable wipe ( one side terry one side fleece) as a liner on-top of a muslin inside the terry! what a fab combination it is too! he had a good look at the minki and decided the fleece was good to stop the fluid coming back ( explained all the 'technical/ science' reason to me ) lol and there you have it... a fab terry nappy!

Glad it all worked out for you Sometimes it is hard to tell from people's posts whether they really do have a crappy relationship though and that whole 'he earns the money so it's his' thing is my pet hate. Sorry if I offended.