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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put my foot down on washable nappies?

38 replies

susiecutie · 13/10/2007 19:54

I'm posting this in desperation...

as my title suggests, i'm trying to put my foot down on using washable nappies... as opposed to disposables.

I am using washable nappies. i LOVE them, and dont want to and feel I wont go back to using usables. My Dd has hip probs ( dislocation etc) and was in harness. i wont go into it all as i dont need advise on that... but i know they can be of benefit to hip problems and in preventing them in the first place...

my problem is :

My DH hates washables. He thinks they look disgusting. Are disgusting, hates them, detests them... thinks they are massive and make her look big ( she is tiny for her age) do you get the picture? bit cannot give me anything more than those reasons...

I am trying to come up with every single reason as to why we should ( and why i wont change) using reusables.

Other than the enviromental issues, the issues about her skin and not having the chemicals from disposable on her skin etc...
I know one really good reason is about the fantastic hip postition and the benefits to her in terms of further hip development. Does any one have any research on this? can anyone point me in right direction?

or, can anyone come up with more good reasons i can talk to him about. He is insisting that when he changes her he will put on a disposable, despite that she now gets nappy rash if using one...

He is being so stubborn about it, ( or am I ?) I dont know what else to do I feel very strongly about using them, and since i am the one who doe the majrity of changes surely how i feel about them is more imprortant?

It is causing big arguments which actually are fairly unheard of with us.... plus we are only together at weekends now due to his job.

can anyone help? i'm really upset about it. hes gone to do the shopping and went off terribly cross with me as i wont compromise... ( i.e. let him use disposables when he changes her)

I've posted this elsewhere too, to help get response!

OP posts:

Original poster

susiecutie · 13/10/2007 19:55

oh, i may not be able to reply to anyone tonight as he will be back soon, and of course dont want to cause more arguments.. i will tell him i've posted here when things calmed down a bit

OP posts:

DrNortherner · 13/10/2007 19:56

Well sounsd like you have a fab case for using them. What are hsi reasons for wanting to stay with disposables?

PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs · 13/10/2007 19:58

If he's only about at weekends and theres a medicl advantage toy our DD from using them (not to mention nappy rash which can signal an allergy to a nappy brand) I would say YANBU- and markedly so! Put yer foot down (but not on the used ones.... they tend to squidge if you do )

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 13/10/2007 19:59

But a few of the washables that fit like a disposable and see how that goes as a compromise. BunGenius, if pre stuffed, are exactly like a disposable for example.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 13/10/2007 19:59

buy a few...

Alambil · 13/10/2007 20:00

no idea about the hip research but why does he want to put all that MONEY down the toilet ??? (literally!)

Seems perfectly irrational on his part for being so pro-disposable

Is it cos they are easier to do up? (not that it takes long / is difficult with a washable!)

I can't see his reasoning at all - it just makes NO sense

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 13/10/2007 20:04

LewisFanBAHons , you don't put disposables down the toilet...

Nightynight · 13/10/2007 20:05

my advice would be - let him put on a disposable when he changes your baby's nappy.

If you do the majority of changes, that means that she will spend most of her time in real nappies.
Maybe he will change if he realises that his dd is getting nappy rash??

Can you get a different sort of real nappy, btw? I used terry squares without plastic pants when the babes were small, and I thought they looked gorgeous.

nannynick · 13/10/2007 20:06

Does he perhaps not like having them waiting to be washed... if that makes sense. Disposables smell out your bin. Washables, smell out your bathroom or where-ever you are putting them prior to washing.

Alambil · 13/10/2007 20:06

(I used to put the errr fillings down there to stop the bin smelling so much!)

LazyLinePUMPKINJane · 13/10/2007 20:07

Can you just not keep disposables in the house? Or will he go out to buy some?

There are the money issues of course, but with him being so stubborn about it I'm not sure he would care...?

TBH, the reasons you have given should be enough but if he doesn't want to see it, he won't.

Elasticwoman · 13/10/2007 20:15

I agree with your Susie, but for the sake of harmony in the household, why not let him change her into disposables at the weekend - so long as he buys them and disposes of them. You can then point out her sore bum and the bad smell of the used disposables, and hope he comes round to your way of thinking. At least you can put her in cloth nappies during the week. You can also wear the halo of grown up spouse who compromises.

Are you washing your own? Because I think there must be loads of nappy laundry services out there with websites full of the dangers/unpleasantness/environmental unfriendliness of disposables. So you could google them.

hazeyjane · 13/10/2007 20:36

I know that disposables are no way as good as reusables, for lots of reason, but because we have 2 in nappies, we use a mixture of disposables and reusables. The NatureBoy nappies are pretty good environmentally and don't seem to cause any skin problems with my dd1 who has really sensitive rashy skin, they also sell them in Boots + most supermarkets. So maybe your dh could use these when he is changing her.

Anonymama · 13/10/2007 20:45

I believe that in the past, babies with hip probs were often put into 2 terry towel nappies, to help hold them in a good position. Maybe someone from the pre-disposable era could advise on this.

But that aside, we used terry towel squares with DS and only every had 2 leaks of that newborn liquid poo. The few times we experimented with disposables we had leaks. We concluded that we would rather do a couple of loads of nappies per week, than have to wash out more delicate clothes.

I never thought that the bulky towelling nappies made DS look "big" - he just looked like a baby. In fact I also read somewhere that when they start walking, cotton nappies provide more cushioning when they fall on their bums, and help protect their spines.

At the end of the day, if you do most of the changes, you could let your DH use what he wants, and still be using washable nappies 80% of the time.

BurpyErnie · 13/10/2007 21:13

I love my washables too! DP has finally come around to them, not that he changes DD that often and when he does has a terrible habbit of leaving the wee soaked nappy on top of the draws !

DD would get nappy rash from disposables too, and poo up the back, down the leg and on nanny (in a resturant I might add). Never a problem with washables.

AND when it comes to potty trainging it is apparently easier if you use washables as the child knows when they are wet. These new fangled disposables are always dry. They turn the wee into plastic apparently! Now that can't be good for a baby.

slng · 13/10/2007 21:37

I found this site to be a mine of information, even has articles about advantages of cloth nappies and how to persuade partners (not read this one though):

www.thenappylady.co.uk/

Try the site map to get to articles. The ones I mentioned are:

www.thenappylady.co.uk/public/articledetails.aspx?id=29

www.thenappylady.co.uk/public/articledetails.aspx?id=51

DaisyWhoooo · 13/10/2007 21:53

YANBU in wanting to use cloth nappies - I used them on all of mine, I've worked as a cloth nappy agent for the last 5 years, I love them.

HOWEVER, I also think that this shouldn't be an issue that causes arguments and problems within a family or a marriage. Your dh is being irrational and unreasnable but at the end of the day it is a fairly minor issue, you're only talking about a few disposables a week which isn't going to bring about the end of the world or make that much difference to her hips and IMHO isn't worth falling out over. So personally, I would compromise and let him use disposables when he does a nappy change, on the proviso that if she gets nappy rash she goes back into a cloth nappy.

Is this a symptom of a bigger issue that he feels left out of decision-making and caring for his daughter? Perhaps he could get more involved in other ways such as taking her shopping on his own, bathing her, getting her dressed?

ninedragons · 14/10/2007 04:07

You're right about the hip thing. I was born with hip dyslpasia (is that the term?) and the doctor told my mum just to double-bag me with terry nappies. It cleared up without any further medical intervention.

Meglet · 14/10/2007 09:55

YANBU. Especially if you are doing the bulk of nappies and nappy washing, you should do what you prefer.

lucyellensmum · 14/10/2007 10:25

MEN - you gotta love em!!!

Can't understand why this is such a big issue to him, is he a bit of a control freak? Sit down and talk to him, there must be a compromise in there somewhere, like, say, when he changes her, let him use what he likes (is his reason because he feels he cannot do the whole washable thing) and then never let him change her

lucyellensmum · 14/10/2007 10:27

hmmmm- never let him change her?? There is a serious flaw in my logic there

Lordashley · 14/10/2007 10:34

Does he like saving money? I know that my DH was fully persuaded by the real nappies when I highlighted how much of his hard earned cash we were saving. Now he gets cross with me when I get lazy and put on a disposable.

WinkyWinkola · 14/10/2007 11:00

It ridiculous arguing over nappies.

You could use Moltex - they're biodegradeable disposables?

You could also use Relate?

OMGhelp · 14/10/2007 11:20

Hmmm! With your hubby being away during the week and only seeing your DH at weekends, maybe he still has to high expectaions of being a parent. He wants you to sort out the yukky bits during the week so that he has a pristine beautiful, up-to-date baby girl to be proud of at the weekend. And that means slim bum and 'modern' disposable nappies. maybe he also dispairs of the amount of nappies hanging around or the old fashioned hanging of them on the line. The days of seeing lines of nappies up and down the street seem to be a lifetime ago.

CappuScreamO · 14/10/2007 11:31

try buying some really pretty minki stuffable nappies for weekends?

they fasten like disposables and are v cute

and just tell him to stop being an arse. There have already been studies suggesting that disposable nappies may affect fertility in boys - I know you have a dd - but how does he really feel about having potentially dangerous chemicals next to his baby's skin? Can he, hand on heart, say exactly what a disposable nappy is made of, and what chemicals are in it, and what their dangers are?

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