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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider seeing my mum and dad (tier 2) Dad is having a breakdown

93 replies

OreoBreakfast · 20/10/2020 09:18

Hi,

So my dad became unwell about 6 weeks ago and I managed to see him before tier 2 was introduced in their area and whereas he wasn't at his worst back then, he'd aged so much, not just physically, but mentally and that was only a couple of weeks into his illness. It was quite heartbreaking. He suddenly looked "old" and frail. He is 70. He is on strong medication for anxiety and depression and I am certain he has had/is having, a complete breakdown. Very emotional, shakey, doesn't want to get out of bed, little appetite, fearful, with a constant sense of impending doom. Although the meds are helping a bit I think.

He has always had a darkness in him. Lots of self loathing, regret, negative energy etc and I think this was inevitable at some point and with everything going on, it's not surprising it's happened now.

My mum has decided she will "fix him" and just isn't looking after herself. She has been rushed to A&E with sky high blood pressure and recently had an ambulance out. She is one of those " Oh I'm fine, don't worry about me darling" mums. I am worried. Very worried, about both of them.

My dad is desperate to see us. He keeps talking about us and crying apparently. I think he's terrified he won't see us again.

We are tier 1, but obviously that makes no difference if they are tier 2.

I just don't know what to do. I feel utterly helpless and incredibly sad. I'm worried my dad will never be the same again.

Does anyone have any advice? Could this be seen as a support bubble? I wouldn't have thought so given they have each other.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Whatatoodoodle · 20/10/2020 09:19

Yes-of course you see them. Hope they both get better soon

Rotundandhappy · 20/10/2020 09:20

Just go. Be clean and safe but see your parents.

movingonbackwards · 20/10/2020 09:20

Absolutely a support bubble. Go. This takes priority and I'm saying that as someone who's taking the rules seriously in an area where not many people are!

MileyWiley · 20/10/2020 09:21

Just go and see them.

Georgieporgie29 · 20/10/2020 09:21

Just go and see him Flowers

Szyz2020 · 20/10/2020 09:22

Yes go and see them. You are doing a welfare check on older / unwell / vulnerable relatives.

bettybyebye · 20/10/2020 09:22

Yes go and see them, they need you. This is one of those instances where the rules can be ignored

Isadora2007 · 20/10/2020 09:22

I’d go. Not sure there is an awful lot you could do realistically... sadly the MH support is bad at the best of times and awful now. But if being around them helps him then go!

MatildaTheCat · 20/10/2020 09:23

Definitely go. They need care.

Please involve their GP and ask for ongoing support for them.

OrangeLeavesYellowLeaves · 20/10/2020 09:23

See them.

redcarbluecar · 20/10/2020 09:24

I’m so sorry to hear all this. My instinct is that you should go and see your parents and be there for them.

terrywynne · 20/10/2020 09:24

Go see them. Providing care to vulnerable people/emergency assistance has been allowed even back in the spring.

Dundundunnn · 20/10/2020 09:25

You shouldn't even need to ask... Go and see them.

MissDollyMix · 20/10/2020 09:25

Absolutely. Go. Fairly sure this is covered under some sort of welfare cause anyway.

MollyButton · 20/10/2020 09:25

Even in the strictest areas (or Wales after Friday) you are allowed to visit if providing support like this.

SnuggyBuggy · 20/10/2020 09:26

Go see them, it's hardly a mass gathering

Happyspud · 20/10/2020 09:27

Go. Absolutely. They need you.

KetoPenguin · 20/10/2020 09:27

Yes they are definitely allowing assisting vulnerable people.

Waveysnail · 20/10/2020 09:28

Lockdown doesnt apply to those in caring roles. You have a caring role here. Hope your parents are ok.

stonebrambleboy · 20/10/2020 09:30

You should go.

Rosesarere · 20/10/2020 09:31

Go and see your dad, I hope he's OK

TheKeatingFive · 20/10/2020 09:34

Go

ChaChaCha2012 · 20/10/2020 09:34

You're within the rules to go and see them. It is an exceptional circumstance.

Has your dad had a full physical check up? My dad went like this too, and it turned out he has a heart condition (now managed, this was before lockdown). When your body is physically working so hard to do normal things, it can definitely exacerbate underlying mental illness.

This is yet another example of the damage mixed messaging can do. People rightly get so upset that they can't see their loved ones, but don't know that there are exemptions where a person needs support, and that support can be emotional as well as physical. I think people would be far more obliging overall if this message was publicised, we shouldn't be made to feel that we're breaking the law when all we want to do is look after our families.

MoiraRoseisupSchittCreek · 20/10/2020 09:35

Wild horses wouldn't keep me from someone I loved who was suffering so deeply. I'd see him regularly and go out for walks with him, wrap up and have a coffee at an outdoor cafe with him, go for a drive to see how beautiful autumn is, watch Schitts Creek on Netflix with him.

Cryalot2 · 20/10/2020 09:37

Flowers no question of course you must go,and don't feel guilty.
I am in a similar situation. Mum cannot be left alone and I go to give my sibling who is her main carer, a few hours break.
Hoping both parents recover soon.