To consider seeing my mum and dad (tier 2) Dad is having a breakdown

[OreoBreakfast]

Hi,

So my dad became unwell about 6 weeks ago and I managed to see him before tier 2 was introduced in their area and whereas he wasn't at his worst back then, he'd aged so much, not just physically, but mentally and that was only a couple of weeks into his illness. It was quite heartbreaking. He suddenly looked "old" and frail. He is 70. He is on strong medication for anxiety and depression and I am certain he has had/is having, a complete breakdown. Very emotional, shakey, doesn't want to get out of bed, little appetite, fearful, with a constant sense of impending doom. Although the meds are helping a bit I think.

He has always had a darkness in him. Lots of self loathing, regret, negative energy etc and I think this was inevitable at some point and with everything going on, it's not surprising it's happened now.

My mum has decided she will "fix him" and just isn't looking after herself. She has been rushed to A&E with sky high blood pressure and recently had an ambulance out. She is one of those " Oh I'm fine, don't worry about me darling" mums. I am worried. Very worried, about both of them.

My dad is desperate to see us. He keeps talking about us and crying apparently. I think he's terrified he won't see us again.

We are tier 1, but obviously that makes no difference if they are tier 2.

I just don't know what to do. I feel utterly helpless and incredibly sad. I'm worried my dad will never be the same again.

Does anyone have any advice? Could this be seen as a support bubble? I wouldn't have thought so given they have each other.

Thanks for reading.

@OreoBreakfast YABU for even questioning it!!! Go and see your family now.

It's absolutely ok to go, you're not breaking the rules if you are looking after the welfare of a vulnerable person. Hoping your parents get better soonest.

I wou,d go but first self isolate and / or take a covid test to ensure that in wanting to do the best for your father you don’t end up doing the worst

Fuck the tiers. Seriously.

Your dad is very ill and your mum needs you. That is way more important than Tier whatever. Assess your own risk. Go and support your mum.

It comes under care

If you’re worried about neighbours, do you know them? Are they nice enough for you to explain in advance so no one calls the police?

Absolutely go! You have a family member who needs your support.

@AcornAutumn, I know their NDN definitely wouldn't report and are probably slightly aware of the situation by now, but I don't really know their other neighbours. They're all fairly new and my parents don't really have much to do with any of them. Basically, I'd need to be knocking on a lot of doors and could be shooting myself in the foot by doing so.

I think it does sound as though this does come under extreme circumstances, but I think the stress of potentially having the police round, could tip my dad back over the edge. He's only just started getting out of bed and eating.

Go and see them, my ds is tier 2 and is suffering with depression, i would go and see him if i got more concerned and have told him he is welcome to come here anytime.

It's always been the case that you can care for vulnerable relatives - so there's no reason to stay away at all. Go see your parents :) x

Just go.

No question OP, you need to go.

Would you not have gone if randoms on the internet said so? Sorry but that's crazy. Of course you need to be with them. It's scary you even had to question it (from the perspective of how well the government scare campaign has worked).

I'd go. Covid isn't the only thing that matters

Absolutely just go and stay with them. Don't worry about the NDN at all or waster time or energy knocking on doors. Your parents really need you. With all respect to your mum I think you need to put your foot down as she is making the wrong call here in saying that you shouldn't come. From a MH perspective, the more contact your dad has with close family/ friends, the better at present.

This is what makes me so bloody angry about all this rules.
Covid is a mild illness for most people, and yet we are all being expected to suffer extreme hardship to reduce its prevalence. I understand your concern OP, and I’m not having a go at you at all - but to find ourselves in a world where decisions like this are questioned, is just so depressing.
Of course you should go. And even if neighbours report you, there’s not a court in the land who would convict you of a “crime”.
The more I see of these “lockdowns”, then more convinced I am that in years to come it’ll be acknowledged that 2020 was more notable for the destruction of human rights than a pandemic.

You are still allowed to meet outside anyway!
I had a coffee date with a friend on saturday (tier 2), we sat in the garden with blankets on our laps (she brought her own, and we were 2m apart) and had a good chat. It was lovely and did me a lot of good.
Are they close enough that you could pop up regularly for an hour or so each time?

'Would you not have gone if randoms on the internet said so? Sorry but that's crazy. Of course you need to be with them. It's scary you even had to question it (from the perspective of how well the government scare campaign has worked).'

Oh try a bit of kindness instead of talking to her like she's stupid 🙄.

Government's 'scare campaign' hasnt worked anyway, lots of people do exactly what they like. There'll of course be some people like the op who are trying to do the right thing but just need a bit of support.

OP. Be realistic - if a neighbour called the police it is very very unlikely anyone would even investigate that call. Boris Johnson has himself said unless you are having large parties the police will not respond.

The rule is to stop major breaches - crime is at normal levels now (not like in lockdown) - the police have other things to do.

I live in Tier 2 - you are allowed in private gardens in any case so you can go in someones front door.

You have to not care what other people think - just go see your parents.

Blimey, a unanimous AIBU thread! Just go, OP, it’s within the rules.

Not RTFT but yes, go. Surely it could come under exceptional circumstances/supporting vulnerable people or similar.

Go - 100% go - and sit outside initially if it reassures your dad as that’s allowed xxx

@BeakyWinder, for goodness sake. What an insensitive post. I have come on here looking for some advice and maybe a bit of a virtual HH during a very difficult time, so thanks for your lovely input

I didn’t realise this would be ‘permitted’ but I would have absolutely gone anyway.
Seriously what has happen to our country when we are worried what the neighbours might say / report us for something like this - genuine comment, it makes me so sad.
Hope you can help your parents OP

As others have said, you are allowed to sit outside in the garden in tier 2 so you are allowed to see them anyway.

I think it is permitted under caring exemption