How to snare a decent English man? Are there any?

[WashedandDried]

As a foreign woman living here, I'm wondering about this. Thanks.

[PigletJohn]

Look for a tweed jacket whose shabbiness is exceeded only by the polish on his hand-made brogues.

Practice saying "you look like you know what you're doing, which of these is better?" and hang around the tap-washer shelf at B&Q

Wear an elegant cashmere coat that accidentally falls open, giving a glimpse of your wooly vest overburdened blouse buttons.

Warning: If they know the birthday of their labrador or old nanny, or go to Old Boys' dinners, they may not be suitable.

[MarriedtoDaveGrohl]

Haha Piglet of course they will know these dates! And you won't find one in b and q! Unless you're thinking the cunning plan of the faux posh Englishman? In which case that works perfectly! The line is a cracker too! I'm 'borrowing' that one!

[MadamShazam]

Come to Scotland, armed with a multipack of Irn Bru and a square sausage roll and you'll be beating them off with a stick.

[WokesFromHome]

I have observed this phenomenon when I lived overseas. The local ladies had a thing about British or more particular English gents. Any old English bloke would do and they often thought they had hit the jackpot. The more weedy, pasty and geeky the better. Men who couldn't pull over here, got loads of attention in these countries just because of their nationality and accent. It was like Colin in Love Actually.

[MarriedtoDaveGrohl]

@MagpieSong

Get an interfering mother to send you to all dance events held by said rich man locally. It’s imperative you loathe each other at first. Your oldest sister should nearly die from riding a horse in the rain to his Manor House and your youngest sister should run a bit loose with an army officer you have a crush on - this will provide a good humiliating situation for future lover to sort out and will end up being the start of something more. After all, it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

I do suggest getting your aunt and uncle involved when it seems to go tits up, works a treat.

If not it sounds like a great topic for a book! Or film! Or both! 😁

[ApplePlumPie]

Steak bake? What kind of horror are you trying to attract??

One must use the allure of the bacon and egg sandwich.. but less is always more remember!

[DianaT1969]

Boris usually has an opening. Hang around green spaces in Whitehall and drag him into the bushes when he's jogging. Try not to mess up his hair though.

[LunaNorth]

Walk down the street holding a bacon sandwich.

After 100 yards or so, you’ll have a trail behind you, sniffing the air like Bisto kids.

Then take out a golf club, which you have cunningly concealed about your person.

Some of them will turn their attention to this. Discount them. You can either hit them with it, or just throw it down the street. They’ll run after it like dogs after a stick.

That’s the wheat from the chaff sorted.

Then continue home with the remainders, and the selection process is up to you from there on in

[RelaisBlu]

I find a taser is an excellent method

[FurTeacup]

@WokesFromHome

I have observed this phenomenon when I lived overseas. The local ladies had a thing about British or more particular English gents. Any old English bloke would do and they often thought they had hit the jackpot. The more weedy, pasty and geeky the better. Men who couldn't pull over here, got loads of attention in these countries just because of their nationality and accent. It was like Colin in Love Actually.

Helped in some cases by a total inability to discern any difference between the Queen and the cast of Eastenders’ speech. .

[RelaisBlu]

and their money WokesFromHome

[SnazzyHatchback]

From my experience OP this is the reverse order of decent shag:

Italian
French
English
Scottish (tied for 1st place)
American (tied for 1st place)

As you can see English is only middle of the leaderboard and whilst obtained extra points for enthusiasm, can't come recommended.

[Wasail]

English men like a hassle free life, no drama and a woman who doesn’t take herself too seriously. They like nights out with the lads and cozy nights in on the sofa. Always up for some bants and a spot of 5 a side.
I would just marry him while he’s not looking and leave him to his fishing and candy crush. You will live happily ever after and he will be non the wiser.

[BluntAndToThePoint80]

Loving this thread - getting done good ideas incase I need to upgrade my current model.

[TheAugury]

In my not so vast experience the best at sex are the Spanish, coming from a predominantly very traditional Catholic country thetly have to work very hard to convince women to actually go to bed with them so they they try very very hard.

[PhilSwagielka]

Have you considered trying to bag a Scotsman? Just leave a can of Irn Bru in the trap instead. Bonus points if it’s the original flavour. Don’t be afraid of the Glaswegians. They don’t all bite.

[PhilSwagielka]

@MadamShazam

Come to Scotland, armed with a multipack of Irn Bru and a square sausage roll and you'll be beating them off with a stick.

Oh snap!

True story: my dad was from Greenock and used to sing the Irn Bru song to us when we were babies.

[sapnupuas]

I've got one I'm willing to sell.

Some signs of wear and tear due to age but lots of life left.

[AdaColeman]

Join a vintage/classic car owner's club, Riley, Morgan, AC etc.
Start breeding Labrador Retrievers.
Join the local sailing club.

Always have the makings of a full English breakfast available.

[haba]

"you look like you know what you're doing, which of these is better?"

I think that phrase would apply to a huge number of situations! Definitely going to borrow it

[Kaiserin]

How to snare a decent English man? Are there any?

No, there isn't. Go away OP
Puts padlock on DH

[nevermorelenore]

Get yourself on a flight to Benidorm. Wander around the streets until your nostrils are filled with a waft of Joop! Ideally, you should be close enough to choke on it. English men often hunt in packs, so look out for sights such as the attached photo. Or ideally, a bunch of men in tshirts that say "Callum's stag" or similar. This will indicate they are available for mating.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Most of the chaps round these parts can be found in one of three locations:

• the pub
• the footie
• the bog

[Toilenstripes]

@raddledoldmisanthropist

What's wrong with the Welsh?

The Welsh are fabulous. I snagged myself a lovely Welshman when he wasn’t looking.

[Mistymonday]

I wouldn’t bother, they are rubbish! In my experience they are bad at commitment, saving, family life, childcare and housework. Dutch men aren’t bad though they are very honest, tight with money and need curing of their hair gel addiction. Any more mass generalisations needed?