How to snare a decent English man? Are there any?

[WashedandDried]

As a foreign woman living here, I'm wondering about this. Thanks.

Leave a trail of pies fo lure him into your lair.

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Dig a small pit, cover with branches and leaves and wait for an English man to fall in. It is difficult to ensure that you have snared a decent one so you may have to release a couple back into the countryside before you get a good one. To this end the siting of the pit is important so Chelsea and Knightsbridge are both fine locations. Should you be after a 'country type' the Cotswolds can be a good starting point. Good luck 🤞

I can confirm this is indeed how it’s done.

Blowjobs

Try offering tea laced with a sedative. An English man can not resist a cup of tea. Once he’s a bit whoozy and compliant, take him to your lair.

😂 Oh dear think you've opened a can of worms with this one

Perhaps OP is onto something. Melanie sykes was recently quoted saying

“I feel a bit sorry for British men, who have adopted the limited vocabulary of the television character Keith Lemon when talking about, and to, women...

“It would be a miracle if any of these men are actually getting laid.”

My recent dating experience mirrors this observation lol

Walk around with a pasty in your pocket. As the pasty ages, the smell should attract any red bloodied Englishman.

Love this thread!

Looks like a blow job and a steak bake will get you a basic starter model, op

Definitely hang around outside Greggs.

Hahaha I think the questions is WHY would you want to????

@Acdcccc

😂 Oh dear think you've opened a can of worms with this one

Perhaps OP is onto something. Melanie sykes was recently quoted saying

“I feel a bit sorry for British men, who have adopted the limited vocabulary of the television character Keith Lemon when talking about, and to, women...

“It would be a miracle if any of these men are actually getting laid.”

My recent dating experience mirrors this observation lol

Unfortunately, reading some posts on MN, they are getting laid. With BJ’s and babysitting thrown in.

Pre covid I would suggest going to the races and simply tripping one up as he walks past.
These days you might do better at a shooting party, accidentally miss fire and blow his toe off or something?

Scottish men are much superior but harder to snare. You can lure a basic model by going to a football match and buying them a pie but you want to do better than that I guess?

Shag him on the first date, then offer him unlimited access to the toilet with the sports pages of a newspaper of his choice. Sorted.

Things that have worked for me in the past:
Lasso
Bear pit
Rohypnol
Doing the splits
3 pints of strong bow and some pork scratchings.

Scenario One:
You could go to lots of weddings, sleep with Englishman repeatedly, get married and cheat on your husband. The Englishman is overcome at his own wedding at mere sight of you and jilts bride at alter. You run off in the sunset pissing down rain together and live happily ever after.

Scenario Two:
Become Hollywood actress. Make a film in London-go to Englishman's book shop. Enchant him. Have a boyfriend. break Englishman's heart. Go back to film Henry James in London. Use fake names for intrigue. Then a press conference you declare your love for each other across a scrum of paparazzi.

Scenario Three:
Become Hollywood feature film trailer maker. Become involved in a house swap....

See how easy it is OP?

*Didn't even start on how to snare an English Prince-that is the advanced course and am not sure you are ready....

Hi all,
Thanks to those who reported, we're happy enough that the OP is 'aving a larf in the fine tradition of MN, and recommend hanging around outside Greggs with a dab of Steak Bake at each ear.

A six figure bank account should do it?

Alternatively go to a ball, when the gentleman of choice snubs you, take a deep hatred to him. Your hatred will make him fall madly in love with you, but when he proposes to you say no. He will then turn out to be a really nice guy (and look rather sexy jumping into a pond) and save your family from scandal and when he proposes next you’ll say yes.

Be hot and pretend you like football

@minipilling

Ha ha ha ha that’s genius! I believe a cardboard box trap with a Greggs Steak Bake inside would attract some basic models. Rigging up a rudimentary spring trap outside your local pub/curry-house/yachting club may deliver results. They can be quite difficult to keep hold of once caught so you do need to plan some retainer treats - loo reading material/pies/regular and basic interaction with other males. Otherwise they pine for their own kind

Offer to show him where you hang your pheasants!

I think a wire loop on the ground is traditional, before making a casserole.

Ha ha!
Too funny