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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not tell potential swappers

81 replies

Ishihtzuknot · 19/10/2020 18:42

I am looking into exchanging my house for another, due to bad neighbours.
I know I will struggle to find a family willing to swap if I am honest about why I am moving, but if I don’t hide it I will never be able to leave. This does make me feel guilty, and there may be repercussions as they’ll know where I moved to, but I’m desperate to leave asap.
For background the neighbours make noise 24/7, they have a barky dog, loud tv with bass, shouting, loud music also with bass, loud voices plus very thin walls (after dividing a large Victorian house) make for an awful life and no sleep. The situation has gone from bad to worse and they are aware I’m unhappy with their noise, so rather than being quieter they have ramped it up on purpose. I am sick and tired of not being comfortable in my home.
A new family accepting the property would very quickly realise why I left. Is there anything I can do about this ensuring I can leave but the new family get help? Should it be my problem?
It’s making me unwell now so I’d appreciate some realistic responses.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 19/10/2020 18:44

Have you reported their noise to the council already?

SheepandCow · 19/10/2020 18:48

Won't prospective exchangers notice the noise when they come to view? So it won't be a surprise.

The ideal would be for you to find similar people to your neighbours to move in!

tillytoodles1 · 19/10/2020 18:49

Of course you can't just move out and leave the new residents to put up with it.

Marisishidinginmyattic · 19/10/2020 18:50

You know YABU. If it's making you ill, go through the proper channels. Don't foist it off onto some other poor sod who can be made ill from it.

Agree with @SheepandCow that the best solution is move noisy people in who won't care.

OrigamiOwl · 19/10/2020 18:51

Have you made a complaint to environmental health about the noise?

RichPetunia · 19/10/2020 18:52

My understanding is that any swap is provisional for a period of time afterwards. You may find that the people you swap with can move back to their old house if they decide yours is unacceptable. I’d double check this, so you don’t waste yours or anyone else’s time.

Pumpertrumper · 19/10/2020 18:54

You can’t lie OP
I’m not sure of the exact ins/outs of swapping homes but I think they may have more recourse to change their minds than a regular sale.

Also

  1. You’ll be inflicting it onto somebody else who may also be as unwell with it as you are.
  2. Yes they will know where you live and if someone did this to me I’d be livid.
  3. Its a shit thing to do.

In your situation I would look to swap to a slightly lesser property. Maybe a little smaller but in a quieter area. I’d be upfront with new people ‘the neighbours and I don’t get along. I find them noisy and difficult but I am a very quiet person’.

There are lots of people (especially if this is a council property which I’m assuming it is) who would not be put off by neighbours if they need/ want the extra space or location.

There’s nothing to say someone moving into your home might not scare the shit out of your neighbours and incentivise them to shut up!

Got99ProblemsBut · 19/10/2020 18:55

I don’t think morally it’s great, nor would it bring you good karma (if you believe in that sort of thing)

But who are we to judge you when you’re suffering so much, especially when reporting noise to the council doesn’t get you anywhere without months of written and recorded evidence Confused

Where I am we can apply for a new house without exchanging, and just go into an empty property, is that an option for yourselves? Hope things get better

Harryhenderson10 · 19/10/2020 18:55

If this is a housing association property can you speak to the HA and say how unbearable it is, that it's making you ill and they need to do something about it?
Alternatively you're going to have to go through recording all noise and antisocial behaviour, environmental health and then local MP, maybe even police on non emergency number if it gets that bad.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 19/10/2020 18:56

The moment the paperwork is signed for the swap there is no going back, there is no provisional time period afterwards.

Im sorry op, it sounds really difficult, you need to get help with this, keep a diary, recordings, keep reporting etc, it would be really unfair to put someone else in your position.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 19/10/2020 18:56

@RichPetunia

Once you sign the new lease, you cannot change your mind and you no longer have any right to the old home.
You dont get to swap and then force the other people to move back out again if you change your mind after moving and signing.

ChaChaCha2012 · 19/10/2020 19:12

But who are we to judge you when you’re suffering so much

I'd judge someone who wilfully chose to shift that suffering onto someone else.

Ishihtzuknot · 19/10/2020 19:13

Thanks all, I know it’s wrong and I would be heartbroken if I left a nice house and moved into hell, but I can’t see any way out.
I have spoken to the council who advised noise diary, which I have done. When they spoke to the neighbours, they told the other neighbours I had reported them and everyone has turned against me. My car was scratched but I can’t prove who it was/when/how. They have painted themselves to be great people and get on well with the other neighbours. I’m not sure what lies they have told but I presume they have said I am the noisy one to cover themselves. I genuinely believe if someone new moved in that the noise would stop, as I feel it’s personal to me for not being happy with it. Short of more reports and being bullied in my own home, my only option is to move away.

OP posts:
HandsFaceSpace · 19/10/2020 19:24

sympathies, OP

Givemeabreak88 · 19/10/2020 19:24

Disagree with the others don’t tell anyone or you will never get a swap

Cloudybean · 19/10/2020 19:25

I suppose they could be doing the same to you, and if their house is really nice maybe that's why they are going, it's a gamble wherever you move to- rented, private or social!

ClementineWoolysocks · 19/10/2020 19:26

Is swapping your only option?
While I sympathise with you over your neighbours I think it's morally shonky not to be honest.

OverTheRainbow88 · 19/10/2020 19:26

How shit; what twats.

If you’ve reported it to the council or police the buyers lawyer will probably pick up
In this in their checks. When we got our current house a neighbour dispute was picked up by our lawyer- it was over a parking across which wouldn’t bother us anyway so didn’t put us off.

Cabinfever10 · 19/10/2020 19:26

You can't do it.
You just need to suck it up and keep on at the council. They will eventually put sound monitoring equipment in to measure the noise and will issue them with a noise abatement order.
Also there is no way that you can say that they won't behave the same with someone else, you may tell yourself that to make what you're thinking of doing isn't that bad but your just lieing to yourself

Dawnlassie · 19/10/2020 19:28

I know when it comes to house buying sellers are often asked to state if they have had any issues with neighbours. Is this the same for swapping? if you fail to disclose is asked then you might be on sticky ground.

Should you venture this without being asked? Thats your decision.

Fredelliottisayfredelliott · 19/10/2020 19:28

How do you swap a house?Confused

Pumperthepumper · 19/10/2020 19:30

I don’t know anything about swapping houses but I honestly am massively sympathetic to you. Noise pollution is soul destroying and it’s a really difficult thing to prove, it has to be prolonged (ie over several years), excessive and proven to be detrimental to living for anyone to take it seriously. I’m surrounded by lovely, albeit selfish, neighbours and the noise still drives me bonkers so I really do feel sorry for you Flowers

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 19/10/2020 19:32

How do you swap a house?

Council/housing association swap. You put it up on a dedicated swap site and the two interested parties liaise and if happy, swap

AcornAutumn · 19/10/2020 19:33

You could tell the truth

Part of the reason these noisy buggers get away with it is a lot of people don’t care.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 19/10/2020 19:33

@Fredelliottisayfredelliott
Housing association/council housing tenants can do what's called a "swap". Rather than the houses going back into the available empty properties, and tenants having to wait to be assigned a new house, they can advertise for a swap. So a couple with grown up children who have moved out and want to live somewhere smaller and cheaper can swap their house with an overcrowded family who need more space, or people who want to move locations etc.
Obviously they need to be able to afford the new rent etc.