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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell potential swappers

81 replies

Ishihtzuknot · 19/10/2020 18:42

I am looking into exchanging my house for another, due to bad neighbours.
I know I will struggle to find a family willing to swap if I am honest about why I am moving, but if I don’t hide it I will never be able to leave. This does make me feel guilty, and there may be repercussions as they’ll know where I moved to, but I’m desperate to leave asap.
For background the neighbours make noise 24/7, they have a barky dog, loud tv with bass, shouting, loud music also with bass, loud voices plus very thin walls (after dividing a large Victorian house) make for an awful life and no sleep. The situation has gone from bad to worse and they are aware I’m unhappy with their noise, so rather than being quieter they have ramped it up on purpose. I am sick and tired of not being comfortable in my home.
A new family accepting the property would very quickly realise why I left. Is there anything I can do about this ensuring I can leave but the new family get help? Should it be my problem?
It’s making me unwell now so I’d appreciate some realistic responses.

OP posts:
lAmuseMyseIf · 19/10/2020 20:28

strike-out fail there Wink

PinkSpring · 19/10/2020 20:28

I wouldn't say anything and just swap. The people you swap with might actually get on with the neighbours or the neighbours might quieten down for new people.

My parents had this issue, they lived next to neighbours who made their lives hell and did so on purpose. They put their house up for swap and moved. The family who moved in have never had issues with the neighbours.

Ravenesque · 19/10/2020 20:30

I'm on homeswapper and honestly, I think they'd realise even if you didn't tell them and then they'd be unlikely to want to have anything to do with you because you lied.

Be as honest as you can or look at other ways of solving the neighbour problem.

celticmissey · 19/10/2020 20:36

I always thought that each tenant signed a housing contract with the Housing Association that agreed that they would not engage in antisocial behaviour which includes noise. Could you not take your evidence directly to the anti social behaviour of the Housing Association. As far as I am aware they can issue warnings to the tenants and if they fail to improve they can eventually lose their tenancy which sometimes is enough for the tenants to improve their behaviour.

One other thing you could do is ask the Housing Association to move you because of the effect it is having on your mental health. You could get a letter from your GP explaining what effect this is having on your health and wellbeing and explain that you are being targeted so do not feel safe at the address (victim of harrassment). You only need to be a victim of harrassment on at least 2 occasions for it to constitute an offence under criminal law. Make sure you log any incidents with your local police and get an incident number.

Slippy78 · 19/10/2020 20:37

@Solina

Honestly... People sell all the time because of nightmare neighbours and no one willingly discloses it when it is the reason they wish to move. Why is it any different with a house swap? It is the luck of the draw when you live next to other people. And I say this as someone with noisy neighbours, no one told us about that when we moved (don't blame them) and I would not ruin our future sale by disclosing that information either.
If the OP owned the property and was trying to sell then legally they would have to tell the prospective buyers as there has been a dispute.
RealBecca · 19/10/2020 20:48

I do sympathise but it's a shitty thing to do.

My mum moved into a home like that, got diagnosed with cancer and died, all within 6 months. She was achingly miserable, unable to sleep between pain and neighbour noise. It was really really sad. So unless you actively seek out knobheads to swap with it would be really unkind to not go through the proper channels. Sorry not the answer you want.

Arthersleep · 19/10/2020 20:53

Do what's right for you. And don't feel bad about it. You may actually be more sensitive to noise than others, who might find it more tolerable, esp if they are also quite loud. Or they might get on/gel with the next family to move in and be better neighbours. Ideally, you will find the worst possible family in the world to swap with you. Ideally with dogs that will bark back. Perhaps stress the excellent access to parks/green open spaces etc.

SolarPlanner · 19/10/2020 21:06

I'll buck the trend here. I don't think you have an obligation to continue to put your own health and happiness at risk to possibly prevent other people from experiencing it. If you can't force the neighbours to stop (which obviously you can't) then the only alternative you have is to move out. It's not your fault they're noisy.

PhoebeSnow · 19/10/2020 21:16

Least said, soonest mended OP. Just be sure that anywhere you move to has no issues. You deserve to have peace in your own home. Frankly I wouldn’t say anything in your shoes. Good luck.

SheSaidHummingbird · 19/10/2020 21:22

You are legally obliged to declare any neighbourly disputes.

PhoebeSnow · 19/10/2020 21:23

She doesn’t have to as it is a HA house.

CassieNightingale · 19/10/2020 21:25

Selfish and disgusting to hide this from poor unfortunate swappers, its your problem you deal with it.

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 19/10/2020 21:27

@SheSaidHummingbird

She isnt selling, she is swapping. You dont need to declare things like that.

PhoebeSnow · 19/10/2020 21:30

I had a similar problem years ago, except my neighbour downstairs was frankly a drug dealing nutter who thought it was ok to have loud crap music playing at all hours, junky mate’s hanging around and causing fires in the bin area. He ended up with 6 policemen carrying him out to the police van, after nearly killing his girlfriend and luckily for the other 5 of us , he lost the house because of his vile behaviour. I have no truck with dickheads who try to bully neighbours and who don’t give a fuck, and you should do what works for you , not the people on here who probably don’t have a clue.

Original poster
Ishihtzuknot · 19/10/2020 21:30

Thanks everyone, appreciate all the responses and will take them on board.
A house I have interest in is in the middle of nowhere, perfect for us. The family want a smaller house as their children have moved away, they do have 2 large dogs so that feels like karma in the making. I do of course feel terribly guilty for any family who move here after me, particularly those who are used to silence, but I would hope they have more courage than me to outright tell them to stop or report them with no guilt. I certainly would handle it better if it was to happen to us again in the future. I’m unfortunately a push over and this is why they have got away with it for so long.
My reasons for moving would be stated as needing a bigger house closer to my daughters school, as it’s currently a 35 minute drive, but the house is a 10 minute drive away.
I feel I’m at loose ends by reporting them any further as they just retaliate by being louder as punishment. I have hours of recordings of their noise, but no one is interested in hearing it. I can’t force them to be considerate people, and if they did decide to suddenly be quiet I might want to stay, but I know I can’t as the damage has been done and I hate being here now.
I mean, who bangs wooden spoons on a child’s bedroom wall at 3am anyway!? And who needs bass to watch the news!?

OP posts:
PhoebeSnow · 19/10/2020 21:37

Good luck , do what’s best for you and your family.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 19/10/2020 21:38

I say go for it. The noise isn’t the only reason you’re moving... and you can’t sacrifice yourself to live there forever to spare someone else.

And yes it does sound like they are doing it deliberately, so might stop with a new person.

Worst case scenario, the new people decide they don’t like it and look for another swap.

You have to do what’s best for you and your family.

slipperywhensparticus · 19/10/2020 21:47

Just exchange if the housing association won't deal with it for you fuck them and move on your a Tennant you pay them they should do their job

DianaT1969 · 19/10/2020 21:53

You could try asking the council for a swap where they put unsavoury neighbours in your home and allow you to bid elsewhere. Your dreadful neighbours deserve a noisy family who have multiple asbos already, or violent ex-offenders.
There ought to be an app to be able to do this. Just desserts for noisy neighbours .com

Iwantacookie · 19/10/2020 22:00

OP if they are tenants too you can get them to do something about it much quicker.
We had similar issues and went through a pcso who went to the ha and said they are not keeping to their tenancy agreement. Ha and pcso went to there home told them if the break their tenancy they will of intentionally made themselves homeless so wont be offered somewhere else to live. Stopped immediately.
If you ha dont take action complain up until you go above them and go to the housing ombudsman.
Good luck there is nothing worse than horrible neighbours. My greatest fear is my neighbours moving.

CJsGoldfish · 19/10/2020 22:22

I can't believe so many are encouraging you to be so fucking abhorrent. To knowingly put someone else, completely unsuspecting, in the position you can't take? How lovely of you to not give a fuck about anyone else and how lovely that you are being encouraged this way.

I am really stunned that there are so many selfish and morally questionable people out there who are more than happy to be so. This is one instance I'd hope Karma to actually be a thing.

Namechangeme87 · 19/10/2020 22:24

Iv had noisy neighbors in the past so you really do have my sympathy but I genuinely couldn’t do this to someone else I think you’d be in the wrong here and I think you know this

Rosalisa · 19/10/2020 22:26

Do what I did and swap with people who are even worse. Poetic justice.

Givemeabreak88 · 19/10/2020 22:28

CJsGoldfish
Oh calm down, if the op posted this exact thing on here but left out that she was doing a swap and only mentioned that the council wouldn't help her or move her everyone would be telling her to do a mutual exchange. You see it on here all the time.

Lollypop4 · 19/10/2020 22:33

I know how you feel.
Our neighbours are awful.
The council, police, social services are all involved weekly and have been for 2 years...and still they are next door!

Ive no advice really as hopefully next door will be moving soon and I dont feel sorry for their new neighbours, I just want them gone from me

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