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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell potential swappers

81 replies

Ishihtzuknot · 19/10/2020 18:42

I am looking into exchanging my house for another, due to bad neighbours.
I know I will struggle to find a family willing to swap if I am honest about why I am moving, but if I don’t hide it I will never be able to leave. This does make me feel guilty, and there may be repercussions as they’ll know where I moved to, but I’m desperate to leave asap.
For background the neighbours make noise 24/7, they have a barky dog, loud tv with bass, shouting, loud music also with bass, loud voices plus very thin walls (after dividing a large Victorian house) make for an awful life and no sleep. The situation has gone from bad to worse and they are aware I’m unhappy with their noise, so rather than being quieter they have ramped it up on purpose. I am sick and tired of not being comfortable in my home.
A new family accepting the property would very quickly realise why I left. Is there anything I can do about this ensuring I can leave but the new family get help? Should it be my problem?
It’s making me unwell now so I’d appreciate some realistic responses.

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 19/10/2020 19:35

Are they just doing it to you though? I’d just swap and say nothing. Sounds like you’ve done everything you reasonably can in any case. They’ll just keep doing it, there’s not much that can be done. If it’s a HA property you don’t need to mention the complaints and reports.

Rainbowllama4 · 19/10/2020 19:38

YABVU, this was done to me years ago and it’s unforgivable. You need to get on to your housing association, any other neighbours disturbed by the noise need to complain too, enough complaints and they will have to do something, possibly move them on to make somebody else’s life a misery. Anti social people like this should all live on estates together so decent people can live in peace.

katy1213 · 19/10/2020 19:41

Of course you can do it! Caveat emptor - even if the emptor is renting!
Nobody warned you, did they? It's not your responsibility to make sure the new people are happy. Although if they come to view, they'll pick up on the noise anyway.

IwantToDatePicard · 19/10/2020 19:41

I would keep quite and swap. Your neighbours may get on with the new people.

Harryhenderson10 · 19/10/2020 19:42

Can you get some ring type door cameras? We have Blink ones that were cheaper although they work really well and don't need cables.

Do you have any friends/family that could stay with you for a week or so and help keep a log of everything, depending on lock down obviously.

I think it really is a case of recording everything and constantly getting on at the council.

Flowers its really shit.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 19/10/2020 19:44

Yabu. Come on! obviously.

It's bad luck that you have noisy neighbours but lots of us do. There are other avenues to go down before you dupe some other poor sods into living next door to them.

Iftheclouds · 19/10/2020 19:44

I know it’s hard for you but I don’t think it’s fair to be dishonest to people looking for swaps.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 19/10/2020 19:44

@IwantToDatePicard

I would keep quite and swap. Your neighbours may get on with the new people.
and they may not.
Givemeabreak88 · 19/10/2020 19:45

I think some people on here are unaware of just how unhelpful the council actually are in these situations, when I was being harassed badly by my neighbours including racially abused and threats of violence I got told by the council that I was making it up to get a move! Do what you have to do op, their experience might be different from yours with the neighbours so I wouldn’t worry and I wouldn’t tell anyone.

nitsandwormsdodger · 19/10/2020 19:52

They can be evicted if they don't stop , ithe council can confiscate the bass t.v etc if they don't turn it down

OVienna · 19/10/2020 19:58

Can you convince them their house is haunted?

Rosehip10 · 19/10/2020 19:58

People saying "they can be evicted for noise/asb" - evictions from council/HA properties are exceptionally rare.....

DespairingHomeowner · 19/10/2020 19:59

@katy1213

Of course you can do it! Caveat emptor - even if the emptor is renting! Nobody warned you, did they? It's not your responsibility to make sure the new people are happy. Although if they come to view, they'll pick up on the noise anyway.
This: the new people might even find them less annoying than they do
BloggersBlog · 19/10/2020 20:00

Dont you have to give reasons in the forms as to why you want to move? I am pretty sure I did, though it was a long time ago now

SheepandCow · 19/10/2020 20:00

@Rosehip10

People saying "they can be evicted for noise/asb" - evictions from council/HA properties are exceptionally rare.....
That's because it's very expensive for the council to put the family in temporary accommodation. If there's children the council has to house them even if they've been evicted. I don't know the solution. Very unfair for the neighbours.
StopGo · 19/10/2020 20:10

How do you know they are not pulling the same scam on you?

DoctorBambino · 19/10/2020 20:14

My MIL did this in exact same situation. Best decision she made and she is so happy. People will say its immoral or whatever, but sometimes life gives you shit and you have to do what you can to give yourself a better life. I say go for it. She never heard anything from the people she swapped with.

Mammyof22020 · 19/10/2020 20:16

You need to go back to the council and press them to install noise equipment, have they got the noise app at all? That's just as good. Don't let them fob you off with diaries, you need them to hear what you are being bothered by! If you don't get any luck with your housing officer go direct to environmental health.

jessstan1 · 19/10/2020 20:18

When applying for a house swap or another house, stress other reasons for wanting a move and make them good ones so that any noise nuisance pales in significance.

I'm appalled that whoever came round to see your neighbours about the noise told them it was you who complained. That should have been confidential. I'd complain about that but of course you don't want to draw attention to yourself right now.

You never know, you might get a swap with people who are the same or worse than your current neighbours and are leaving their present property because their neighbours have campaigned against them.

Good luck, it must be an awful situation to be in, I couldn't survive it.

NRatched · 19/10/2020 20:20

There are possibly some people who would swap despite the neighbours as other things take priority. But those would be people tiehr trying to upsize or downsize I would think. I am guessing you are looking for a property the same but away from where you are?

My sympathies are with you..have had some really shitty neighbours before but none of the nonstop partying types. Someone like that moved in across the road from us a year or so back, and was gone within a month, not sure if it was complaints or what but we were all happy!

One of my neighbours once took to throwing her dogs shites into our yard on a regular basis Hmm

TW2013 · 19/10/2020 20:22

Do you still have any lines of communication open with the neighbours? Do they know anyone who might want to swap with you? Especially if you can think of a reason other than 'I don't want to live next to you'.

mumwon · 19/10/2020 20:24

what if the reason the swappers want to move is because they have some problem too

lAmuseMyseIf · 19/10/2020 20:26

It doesn't help you OP but I'd love neighbours like that - Seriously, I'm not kidding: having two kids with no volume control, who run up and down the stairs like elephants, make stupid noises, have everything on loud, fight like cat and dog and when not, goad each other (the youngest will escalate to a meltdown on occasion) I have always always appreciated loud neighbours - the louder the better.

a) I, and they, can sleep through anything
b) others' excess noise drowns mine out and alleviates any guilt
c) it cushions us as white noise

We deliberately had students for years under us when in flats and would encourage them to party as loud as they wanted with music etc explaining the above. We all got on really well as a result.

I can't be the only family out there who would welcome rather be sensitive to noise and thinks the more, the merrier.
The only issue would be, if the family next door are so unreasonable they would hate our noise whilst ignoring their own.

Flowers mine are quiet now as they are headphoned to tablets. We moved sadly and the walls are thin. The only quid pro quo is that neighbour has really noisy dogs which I ignore/use as an excuse to tell mine to pipe down as one tiny bark (usually caused by their door going) and I tell my two they have to put a sock in it as they have upset a lovely animal God made I am so going to hell-- Grin
Solina · 19/10/2020 20:27

Honestly... People sell all the time because of nightmare neighbours and no one willingly discloses it when it is the reason they wish to move. Why is it any different with a house swap? It is the luck of the draw when you live next to other people. And I say this as someone with noisy neighbours, no one told us about that when we moved (don't blame them) and I would not ruin our future sale by disclosing that information either.

LST · 19/10/2020 20:27

Do you know the reason your potential swappers are moving? How far away are you willing to move?

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