How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

If you were my daughter I'd be very worried about you, @Ilovexmastime35 . When I first read your post I thought "£50000? That's a huge amount!" Then when I read further I realised the reason you're hard up is because your husband is controlling the money and probably has a large stash that he's keeping from you. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, and at the very least you need to sit down and discuss this with him. It sounds as if he could probably easily afford your day out.

If you got into debt to buy a car and furniture, then of course you won’t have the same disposable income as others on 50k. Without the loan payments, you’d probably,y have plenty to buy a cardigan or a day out.

I buy most of my clothes and the kids clothes on eBay then resell them on eBay. You can buy clothes people have bought and never worn with the labels still on. I buy expensive label clothes that I couldn't afford to buy new in the shop.

We go away a lot and have days out but we don’t have holidays abroad or go to theme parks (we go to caravan parks, camp and we visit nature reserves). Things we don’t really do...., we rarely eat out, I buy clothes from primark or charity shops unless it’s something I am going to use a lot, will happily pay good money for a coat or walking boots if they are going to last me a few year but not for every day clothes that I won’t wear much. If we go on holiday we self cater, might get fish and chips once but won’t eat out. We rent so although we pay rent I don’t have to pay for major repairs. I only buy cheap furniture or 2nd hand. We don’t have sky or Netflix and no expensive big tv.

I think it’s just about spending in the important things (to you), for some this might be days out or holidays, for others it maybe clothes.

You need to sit him down and tell him that this is family money and you need to at the very least see what it goes on and ideally have a say in what it is spent on. You could offer to do the budgeting together, take some of the burden off him?

I am a single mum with a similar income to your family after salary, maintenance, etc and there is no way you should have holes in your shoes! I pay private rent, take a holiday each year (sometimes just a long weekend) and am clearing £600 off debt remaining from my marriage each month. It takes some juggling and searching for the best deals but it's entirely possible.

Your problem is not having access to or involvement in the family finances and your DH deciding what a good use of the money is.

The problem is your DH then - not the household income. I don't know how many people are in your household but I don't think that's enough. We have five people in our house and spend around £140 pw on food alone.

I'm on a min wage but do those things you listed as don't have kids and live frugally in other ways. My partner has lost all his work due to Covid. I have no loans or credit, never have, but could not manage without overdraft on my low wage. Cut corners accordingly.
Your husband earns tons so that is worrying.
I hope you will be able to work soon and take some control

For those who haven’t read the OP update, you should.

OP this is unacceptable from your husband.

He gives me 250 + the child benefit to buy food, petrol for my car and my phone bill. There is never enough just for these things each month and my mum has to give me more. He thinks it's completely adequate and I should be able to buy everything with that easitl, including my clothes!

So CB is about £140 for 2 DC? So you get just under £400 for food for 4 people, petrol and your phone.

That is nowhere near enough and he needs a proper talking to.

You need an agreed yearly clothes budget per person.
You need an agreed monthly groceries budget.
You need an agreed monthly petrol budget.
You need an agreed amount to spend on the DC activities etc.

Then you both need discretionary spending money of equal amounts.

Do you have a pension, OP? (I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and say no...)

What does your mum think of your set-up?

Bonprix are good for plus size clothes and they offer credit. Their sales are very good.

Some online retailers let you pay via Klarna, were you can pay in 3 interest free instalments.

I have a lot of health problems but take all the hours I can take at work too as partner not working. I have a chronic health condition but no choice given Covid.
We don't have shared bank account and I have always been financially independent as relying on someone else terrifies me.
I'd question your husband to be honest..

Asda go to size 24/26, I got a cardi for £12 and a coat for £28.

Studio do cardigans etc in sizes upto 26 at like £12.

£250 not enough I just read that

Loads of cheap priced but good and very good items are around. You needs to shop around and become a bargain hunter.

Make every pound and penny count. I'm on a low income but we rarely go without what we want as I shop around, save up and make every pound and penny work really hard.

Everything of value is also sold on when no longer wanted or needed. And then that money used for what we want.

Days out plan in advance with offers and vouchers, those who rock up on the day or even book the week before are wasting lots of money.

Everything from where you fill up your car can all add up in savings if you consistently search out the best prices. Utilities, mortgage rate, bills, subscriptions, mobiles, food shopping, every rho.

This is my mindset and because of this I have everything I want and need despite living on a low income.

Your dh is having a laugh Op!! There is money left over he's just being a tight git!

The average food shop for a family of 4 is around £80-100 pw, so with petrol and phone bill the OP probably needs around £5-600 pm before any of her own personal spending money, whereas at the moment, it's probably around half that .

OP have you told him how much groceries cost? Is there any chance that he's delusional about the cost of shopping rather than being intentionally abusive?

Talk to him and make very cheap dinners to illustrate your point and free up a clothes budget for you.

A few days of egg and chips, dhal and naan or beans on toast should illustrate your point to him. No meat, no snacks, no nice fish, no puddings, no nice sandwich fillings, no drinks except water, because non of that is affordable on what he expects you to manage on.

Charity shops for clothes.

What are you buying the children? Things they need or a new toy every week that they dont need?

Sit down with him. List the bills loans savings for not house find holiday pot etc. Get bank statements to show how much you actually spend on food per month ( averaged over last year) then add in a set amount for kids clothes and activities and gifts for their friends etc. See how much is left and split it 50 50.

My husband is the sole earner, on less than yours, and we usually have around £1300-1500 a month after all bills, petrol and food is paid for. We are a family of 7, with pets. It's obviously relative to your own spending and regular outgoings, but I'd suggest looking at that first because if a spend of £80 would leave you with nothing left something isn't adding up somewhere.

I as do many of my friends use Tesco club card vouchers for days out. We buy all our food online and petrol and really try hard to spend all the points on days out.

Clothes I use eBay for example I like 'nice' brands and just bought my 6 yr old a joules coat for £16 on eBay - really good condition and looks really smart vs the supermarket ones I was looking at that were more expensive.

I also sell stuff on Facebook and eBay

Buy stuff in the sales for next year. Boxing Day sale in next is perfect for buying next years winter coats for the kids but I do get up for 6am on Boxing Day. My friends laugh but I like my kids wearing nice stuff and I can't afford to buy stuff for three kids at full price

We save Tesco clubcard points for day out and Pizza Express.

I'd struggle to cover food and petrol for myself (including cleaning products etc) on £250 a month, even shopping in Aldi / Lidl type stores, let alone for 3-4 people, plus clothing and a phone bill. You need to sit him down and tell him how much stuff really costs. Perhaps send him to the supermarket to do a weekly shop and see how he gets on?

You can get some plus size clothing in Primark hun, in case you didn't realise.x.