How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

Ok, so your update it a complete change from your origianl post? You said that you had £200 left after all bills paid etc...is this what he tells you? Do you actually know what the household outgoings are or not?

If the money he gives you is not enough to cover new (essential) clothing then he needs to up the amount to a sensible figure or give you access to money.

How much does he give you out of interest?

I think you need to sit down with your DH and sort a system that you are both comfortable with, and which allows you both to buy what you need.

I am a single parent and my household income including child maintenance is £2k per month. My mortgage and bills are low, £500pm. Leaving £1500pm for food, clothes and luxuries. I have minimal childcare costs as I work flexible hours so only pay for breakfast club. I don't own a car and have no commuting costs as my work is a 15 minute walk from my house. That's why I appear to be better off than I actually am.

Your DH is financially abusing you, that's the problem here.

Meal planning makes a huge difference. I can't believe how much food one friend bins every week. Do you get brand-named goods when basics range would do just as well?

How much are you spending on your children? What do they actually need?

Why is the house costing so much? Is it the mortgage or repairs/redecorating?

My friend is on very low income but has a window cleaner. She has barely any food in yet gets the windows done every two weeks. She paid to get standard blinds fitted when there were several people that could have helped at a fraction of the price.

It's not an issue of affordability then, it's an issue of not shared finances. Can you talk to him and work out a bit of budget? Does he want you to work? Is there something you'd like to do for spending money?
I am plus size and often get clothes on Facebook selling pages (it's amazing what some people keep in their wardrobes unworn) or charity shops. There are fairly reasonable options online, Dorothy Perkins often has reductions and has a big plus size range, ASOS too.
You can also sell bits the kids have grown out of on Facebook market place, great for getting some pennies towards days out.
We dont usually do extravagant days out, things like walks/farm/pumpkin patch/country parks in half term.

Op. You say you cannot work at rhe “moment” . Does this mean you’ll be able to work at some point in the futur?

Saying you think things are too expensive is fairly pointless, that’s what they cost, I don’t understand why you’ve holes in your shoes etc, but it sounds like you were very low earners as you say, potentially below the poverty line at points and on benefits, and maybe your husband is trying to prepare for a time where may be he earns less again?

@Thepilotlightsgoneout

Trying not to be rude but if he earns £50K and you only have £200 a month left, then somethings going wrong. What are your outgoings? Any way of changing them?

This. I’m on slightly less than that and aim to save at least £500 per month, preferably more.

You’ve said his take home is £3k after tax and pension.

You need more visibility of the monthly outgoings. I’m assuming since you are at home you don’t have any childcare costs.

Something is off here. I live in a four bed house with DH and a toddler and baby. £1.6k per month covers mortgage, all our bills and food apart from mobile phones and we have Virgin with all the channels.

Unless you have a massive mortgage, massive childcare bills or massive debts something doesn’t add up. You shouldn’t have to walk around with holes in your shoes. I bet your DH has a warm coat and shoes that don’t leak.

Try YNAB or a budgeting app op. When his salary comes in you allocate every penny a job whether it be bills, groceries savings, days out etc. That way before you spend it you can see if there's enough budgeted. If you go over ( for example on food) it makes you decide which category to move the money from so it makes you see the consequences of choices. Trip out? Fine but it means £20 less on food that month etc.

Maybe they have small mortgages and little/no debt? We have a fair amount of disposable income and it’s due to a combination of good luck (parents able to help us, OH getting a couple of good bonuses when we were younger, making profit on selling first home), living in an area with reasonable house prices and making some fairly sensible choices about how to spend surplus income pre kids (we overpaid mortgage & bought car outright). The thing we do ongoing that makes the biggest difference vs friends with similar incomes is to just use what we have rather than buying what we want in a lot of cases. For example we moved into a Victorian terrace with fairly 70s decor that was perfectly serviceable but scruffy 3 years ago. We’ve slowly painted a few rooms and bought the odd bit of (mostly secondhand) furniture but we’ve opted not to spend much while we save up to have an extension built. Most people we know commented when we showed them pics about the things we’d “need” to do when what they meant was things you’d like to do. Maybe just look at if you need to spend the money on the house/kids that you do. If not then in reality It might be fair to say your discretionary spending is more than £200 but you are just choosing to spend it on different things to other people.

We earn a lot less than your husband , I buy for myself and youngest ds from charity shops and eBay. I buy occasion thing fir teenage ds from eBay he's at an age where he's picky .
I also sell a lot on eBay and fb could you make money from having a big clear out?

The reason is because we both used to work full time up until 10 years ago. We both earned the same. (low earners). We both had seperate Bank accounts and one joint account that bills came out of. We paid 50/50 into the joint account for all bills etc and the rest was our own to spend on what we want.
We then had 2 kids and i now can't work due to health problems but can't claim any benefits. The bank accounts have remained seperate but I don't earn anything!

We did once try a joint account, and he went through every single purchase/spend that I'd made and questioned me on it. I hated it!! So we went back to seperate again. He gives me 250 + the child benefit to buy food, petrol for my car and my phone bill. There is never enough just for these things each month and my mum has to give me more. He thinks it's completely adequate and I should be able to buy everything with that easitl, including my clothes!

I do think @PerfidiousAlbion makes a point too about the fact many have help. Whenever I find out about a friend's finances, one thing that commonly surprises me is how much support people have. They may not recognize it as support, or even see how much that helps. But it does. Everything from inheritance from granny that gave a sizable downpayment making mortgage only 50% of property and immediately having loads of equity, to free childcare or part time child care, even grandparents or unattached aunts/uncles who put money away for Uni etc.

I have a family member (34 yo) that while lives in a small detached 3 bed, is a sahm and dh earns about 35pa, enjoys trips to Australia yearly with their 3 dc, usually goes to Disney in Florida yearly, plenty of days out, always looks gorgeous with nails done, hair appts monthly, lovely clothes. Very down to earth but the numbers don't add up for people. Even their decision to have a 3rd people wondered how they do it. What they don't know is that family members parent had a big win of about 1.5 million and split it between their 4 dc as they were worried they'd lose what 'we are entitled to' (don't get me started on that one!). That money paid for the house they are in mortgage free and 2/3 flats they own. They have one more flat that they have a small mortgage on. Their goal is they can gift each of their dc a flat once they get through Uni or are working full time and sensible.

So not only has that money helped this family member be mortgage free, which means all their money goes to holidays, days out etc. But it's also given them a small income from 3 flats. Most people don't know the details, that they are mortgage free or that they own multiple flats, but you can see how that money will not only help them, but their three dc, and makes me wonder how they manage.

Does your husband have holes in his shoes? Hmmm, I thought not.

How much is your mortgage?

What would your husband say if you asked for full disclosure on all incoming and outgoings?

Just incase it's helpful re the clothing budget, Matalan do cardigans for about £12.50, nice styles, and coats from £25-£35. All sizes catered for.

You have to ask your mum for money when he’s earning £50K! Dear Lord.

£250 per month!! You have husband problems rather than financial problem!

OP he is abusive.

If you sat down with him with a breakdown of what you spend the money on without adding on your mum's financial help would he give you more money?

If not then you need to work on a plan to leave him.

I think often, people with less of a permanent 'stake' in society spend more on consumables and 'fun experiences' than those who are more rooted by home ownership and secure careers. Our kids go to school near a council estate and it's really noticeable how different the spending habits of their friends from the estate are than from those who live elsewhere. The former seem to have a lot more spent on their entertainment and keeping up with all kinds of trends, and I wonder whether this comes from their parents subconsciously trying to 'make up' to them or themselves, for the precariousness of their position.

Well there's your problem @Ilovexmastime35! You need to agree that each of you has something like a hundred a month for personal purchases not related to kids/household and that you can spend that how you want.

Also, perhaps trying to get into part term work? Often can be good for mental health, especially if it means you now have income. Many people with disabilities, myself included, work and maybe there's something that would work in your situation? Even something like Saturday in a shop? I know a few friends who do that, some even 9-1 but that 100/pcm or so really makes a difference in their lives.

The issue is your husband and your relationship. This is financial abuse. You shouldn't be borrowing money from your mum! You need a frank conversation about money with your husband. If he refuses or won't budge then honestly I would be reconsidering the relationship. I bet he's saving loads and you have no idea!

@Ilovexmastime35

The reason is because we both used to work full time up until 10 years ago. We both earned the same. (low earners). We both had seperate Bank accounts and one joint account that bills came out of. We paid 50/50 into the joint account for all bills etc and the rest was our own to spend on what we want. We then had 2 kids and i now can't work due to health problems but can't claim any benefits. The bank accounts have remained seperate but I don't earn anything!

We did once try a joint account, and he went through every single purchase/spend that I'd made and questioned me on it. I hated it!! So we went back to seperate again. He gives me 250 + the child benefit to buy food, petrol for my car and my phone bill. There is never enough just for these things each month and my mum has to give me more. He thinks it's completely adequate and I should be able to buy everything with that easitl, including my clothes!

That's an appallingly low amount to feed and clothe a family per month.

I'd be setting out an ultimatum, either it's equal access to money or divorce, hence me asking if you were married.

He's taking the piss op. It costs at least £350 to feed my family each month.

He knows what he's doing to you here.

Yeah the financial set up you have is all wrong.

He needs to be completely open with you about what is going in and going out.

Work out a system where all that family stuff you are currently paying for comes out first from family money and then each of you and DH has the same amount for personal “spends”. Even if it’s a really small amount, that’s what you’ve got, and it should be the same for each of you.

So actually the question is not why how do other people afford things, it’s why is your husband not letting you have money for things? It’s because he’s financially abusing you.

how do people afford to buy so much? They have access to family money, obviously.