How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

My food bill is £600 per month for me, H and four kids. Your husband is abusive. You shouldn’t be having to take money fro your mum when your husband likely has thousands sitting in a savings account or being spent on whatever the hell he fancies.

Your husband is financially abusive. You’d probably be better off leaving with the kids and claiming benefits and child maintenance.

The problem is we no longer have the class system and everybody thinks they are entitled.
Nothing against you, it's the way of the world now.
When I was young wc families couldn't afford the stuff you are talking about, there was no credit, so you did without, and sort of knew your place
The prices aren't extortionate for the mc, the ones who can afford these things.
Maybe look at free days out, not everything costs money.

Sorry op just read the thread, you’re husband is an arse

@blue25 at least read the OP posts (highlight them all under her first post) before you comment. If you read on you would see that the OP has an abusive husband and has no access to the 50K.

OP, did you want comments about suggestions on how to buy with limited funds before disclosing the financial abuse? If so, that is fine.

For all of you kindly saying it does not add up - for God's sake RTFT or at least the OPs posts BEFORE YOU COMMENT

Dear OP, sorry for getting angry at all the other posters but I see that you have admitted that your situation is so much worse than not being able to afford these items that you pine for.

Could you do the freedom programme? Contact Women's Aid?
I have no concrete advice as I have never left a husband so I would not be able to advise you whereas there will be some sensible women on soon who have been though this and can give you practice advice.

Best wishes OP,

We have a higher HH income, but I also find most things extortionate, and am amazed at how others can afford them. I remember looking at the Lion King musical prices and it came it about £400 for a family of 5 (I have 3 DC), and Harry Potter museum is £200+.... Needless to say we didn't go to Lion King and HP museum will be part of Xmas present. I don't know how people do it.
In terms of savings, we also rarely eat out, and certainly not at theme parks etc - I never use their cafes, always have a bottle of water and our snacks in a bag, and if that isn't enough, then we wait till we get home to eat. No coffees or snacks 'on the go', that always adds up to a fortune. And I very rarely buy clothing full price, either for me or the children - I almost always get it in the sales. Also, think carefully how much the children actually need: we use the public library a lot, and in terms of clothes, since they are in uniform most of the time, they don't need lots and lots of clothes or shoes (they have school shoes + trainers, then sandals/snow boots - that's it).

Personally, what I find shocking (I live in London) is the price of the sports or extracurricular activities for the children. Most activities work out between £15-£`20 (and usually more £20) per lesson, and that is for GROUP lessons - not just tennis, but also things like cricket and chess, let alone music lessons. And you have to pay for that week in/week out, for YEARS to really master anything. How do people afford that (when you have multiple children) - I don't spend that on myself!!

Combined me and my partner earn less, than 50k and we manage well. It does sound like the main problem is him not giving you enough money to allow for days out etc.

I'm currently on maternity leave with very little income and I keep having to ask my partner to pay for things which is a hassle, but he is happy enough to do it as he trusts my judgement about if something for me or the kids is necessary.

You really need to have a proper discussion with your partner about this, if he isn't willing to share the finances fairly after that I think the relationship has a real problem.

What a selfish man you have married, he should be sharing his money with you, and you shouldn't have to go crawling to him, do you realise his actions actually constitute cohersive control, which is a form of domestic abuse. Time you took a look at your situation OP

This is financial abuse OP.

www.joinonelove.org/learn/what-is-financial-abuse-these-are-the-signs/

Also, please remember that they're HIS kids too - they're not just yours.

OP you need to talk to your DH about finances.

Just say as you are unable to work and things in general but specifically the kids are getting more expensive you need access to the account.

And if he scrutinies your spending, scrutinise his spending. You are married, there is no his / mine there is only US when it comes to finances.

You absolutely need your own "budget", for personal items. And i don't think £60 for a coat is that expensive, you should easily be able to afford it. (Unless you buy one every other week!)
And even if you can't afford it due to loans/ mortgage or other bills, you absolutely need to see/ know about it so you can look into the spending and potentially find better deals.

Op to your question about how people afford it, IME a lot of the people flashing it on social media really compromise on housing - they spend a lot on clothes and cars but live in not so nice homes very sparsely decorated with one puffy leather sofa or stay with parents for a long time. A lot of people also live in social housing which keeps costs down - certainly the case when I was in glasgow. And a lot of people go into debt - very high bankruptcy amongst women in their 20s and 30s.

It sounds like trying to get a job might be the solution for your financial and personal situation.

Oh god OP. You are being abused massively. I honestly don't know what you should do but if you can't talk to him, then you need to call Women's Aid for some advice.

£250 for all food, cleaning materials, petrol, and phone for four people is not enough. I don't actually understand how you are managing on that. What about clothes for the DC? Does he give you money for that?

You need to make it clear this isn't acceptable. Your mum should not be subsidising your costs. It irritates me intensely but show him the grocery reciepts. Even being very frugal, I can't believe that is going anywhere near far enough?

I'm currently on maternity leave with very little income and I keep having to ask my partner to pay for things which is a hassle,

My DH got so fed up with me asking in this situation, that he just made a joint account so we can both have a card. (We still have separate accounts, that is his is joint mine is mine! But we share costs pretty equally!)

I've lived on benefits, as a Widowed parent of three and I afforded all the things that you can't, with careful planning.

You need to speak to a solicitor.

Your husband is financially abusing you. He let's you walk around with holes in your shoes??

He doesn't respect you, hell does he even like you?

Why are you putting up with this? You deserve so much more.

Time for an honest chat and an ultimatum.

Buy yourself some new boots and cut his food down to pay for them.

Your husband is being abusive.

The money is for you both to use. The amount he gives you is no way enough for feed, clothe and entertain you all.

The fact that he earns 50K is neither her nor there - I would want to see his bank account and what happens to the surplus money. Does he have to wear holey cardigans and scrat around for a few quid ?

It can be easier to live on your own - at least then you have control of the money you have coming in. It may be less than your husband is earning but at least you can decide what to spend it on.

OP. this is 2020 you should not be living this way.

I don't want to go all mn hysterical on you, but that sounds a little bit like financial abuse.

He doesn't want you to know how much money there is or what is left over. He goes through purchases with a fine tooth comb and he makes you feel guilty for asking for money.

I'm in a similar situation in that I don't work, dh pays for all bills and I manage the food shop and kids.

I have £800 a month to cover supermarket stuff, clothes for me and the kids and days out, clubs etc and petrol.

I would say that's enough to cover the necessities and give me enough that I can pretty much buy what I need when I want in regards to make up, hair dye, clothes.

Your dh is not giving you enough money. You're his wife and he has to support you if you don't work. If he doesn't want to support you then you can split up and then you will be entitled to benefits and csa. He can't have it both ways, having a wife to look after the house and kids but then refuse to give you financial support. A nanny and cleaner would cost him a lot more.

I'd say go through your outgoings, save money where possible and then agree on an allowance at a more reasonable amount. £500 would be a minium.

As others said your posts have been a massive drop feed. Your husband is controlling you by not allowing you access to shared money. Maybe he has a skewed sense of how much things cost. You need to look at the budget with him and agree away forward. If he won t do this I think you need to think about whether you can live like this and if there is anything positive about the relationship.

@Devlesko - did you mean to sound like a dick or were you being ‘ironic’

“The problem is we no longer have the class system and everybody thinks they are entitled.
Nothing against you, it's the way of the world now.
When I was young wc families couldn't afford the stuff you are talking about, there was no credit, so you did without, and sort of knew your place grin
The prices aren't extortionate for the mc, the ones who can afford these things.
Maybe look at free days out, not everything costs money.”

WTF

@NotJustACigar

For clothes and boots try everything5pounds.com it really is a great site. I've been buying loads on there the last couple of months and have received very nice stuff with only a few duds.

I honestly have no idea - I do have credit which I pay off - card every few months - or Next Directory account - but also have savings which I don't want to break into.

It can be really expensive going out and before pandemic I and my friends constantly looked for deals on deal saving sites like Groupon etc for drinks, meals out etc, if you're single you have to do this.

My DBro and SIL have a toddler and have managed to save over £20K in past few years but SIL is very savvy with money and saves a lot, I honestly don't know how, ah I do, they have a very low interest only mortgage bill and their bills are low! She tends to buy clothes (nice ones, like Arket, Jigsaw etc) in the sale and even kids clothes but buys more new now for toddler.

Just read your last update.

Completely abusive.

£250 per month is not much at all to cover those costs. His attitude STINKS