How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

Just tonight I'd share our outgoings to see if it can help others understand OP's situation. Of course it might be different for them

DH earns slightly less so take home £2800

Mortgage - 780
Mobile phone - 25
Council tax - 150
Car and home insurance - 90
Pet insurance - 30
Life insurance - 86
Water - 40
Electric - 80
Groceries Inc washing stuff, nappies etc (2 adults, 1 DC, 1 baby, 1 dog) - 500
Loan to rebuild part of house - 200
Fuel - 110
Car tax - 40

= 2131

We put £250 away each month, so that leaves £419 for us, so yes it is more than OP and we're very comfortable but I can see how a higher mortgage or car loan might make their outgoings higher, that or childcare

I get all of my clothes/shoes/coats in charity shops and no one would ever know, so many items are in great condition and are from high street shops like topshop and Zara.

Your last post changes everything. There is more money available but you’re not allowed any. You don’t have a budget problem you have a DH problem. There’s plenty more than £200 a month left over he just doesn’t want you to see any of it.

Earning 50k and only having £200 left.
There’s something very wrong there somewhere.

Our household income is much less but we manage fine despite having 2 grown up sons who we always end up helping out. One thing which saves us lots of money is I buy all our clothes on e-bay. In fact I would feel guilty doing anything else now. I need to dress smartly for work and buy designer dresses usually for under £10.

I think your latest post puts a different light on the situation.

It's not (necessarily) that your family can't afford day trips etc, it's that your DH doesn't allow you freedom to choose to do those trips (or anything else).

You don't have a money problem, you have a DH problem.

Have you always had this financial set up?

Have you had your own earnings in the past which you and he consider 'your' money and haven't re-set the rules to allow for you not earning at the moment?

That's the answer then. There is money for clothes but the person holding the purse strings won't allow it.
Do you want to accept to accept that? Can you not work because he won't allow it, because you lack confidence, or for another reason.
In your shoes I'd get a job and leave, but you might not feel able to. Are you able to discuss money or is it a 'what he says girls' situation.
I can't imagine being the wage earner and my loved one going without clothes, unless he was a massive cocklodger. And even then probably not.

OP, is your situation regarding not being able to work likely to change in the future? After reading your update if this is something that cannot be changed then your financial situation is very worrying.

Me and DH are low/mid earners. But have a tiny mortgage because we were lucky enough to live with our parents basically rent free while we worked flat out to save a massive deposit. So we have a bit more disposable income, we are quite savvy with money and lots of clothes are second hand/ charity shop jobs. We save all year round for Christmas/ car insurance and house insurance so we can pay them off all at once which then gives us a bit more disposable every month. We took DS to Alton towers the other week but used our Clubcard points for free tickets. Often days out are at the sea side and national parks etc which are free besides petrol. DH also does matched betting which can bring in a fair amount of extra money every month. Basically we try to be as cheap as possible while still having fun😂 also we have a lot of family help regarding house repairs and decorating etc which means we rarely have to spend more than materials and a hot brew for house repairs etc. We are lucky in that we don't have any massive outgoings. A friend of mine has a household income of almost double but often is skint, because she has much higher outgoings than us!

i don't get this at all, at one point i had 6 dc living at home school /college and our income was about £20,000 pa with a £60,000 [£550pm] mortgage, i didn't drive but we managed to live reasonably well. mortgage is long gone now as have the dc moved outbut i don't get how people struggle so much on these larger incomes ?
have they overstretched with mortgages and /or lust living beyond their means ? maybe i'm just naive with stuff now.

I earned more than my husband which probably helped however I have never taken chidlren to those outings mentioned as I would rather have a free of charge walk in a park than to a these park kind of thing.

Have you tried charity shops for clothes? Also one my sons has got so much including large sized things in a pound shop near where he lives. He certainly got 4 very very very cheap coats so it might be worth your trying that kind of thing.

The master to your question is that you are being financially abused by your husband.

It’s not that you are spending everything on your house and children. It’s that you are given a set amount to spend by your husband and he has a chunk left over that keeps from you. He has so little respect for you that he would prefer to see you wear shoes with holes than allow you access to money to buy a pair.

He sounds dreadful. Is it possible that you can return to the workplace ?

Is he open to discussing finances, if you explain that you absolutely need new clothes and shoes, what does he say ?

And I agree with other posters.
I don’t believe there would be £200 left.

What sort of husband allows their wife to live with clothes and shoes that have holes in?
Certainly isn’t one in love that’s for sure.

Just read your update. You have a DH problem not a cash flow problem.

How much a month does he give you for housekeeping?

I assume that covers food and household cleaning/shower stuff?

You need to demand a joint account and access to all finances.

*just, although it might be lust who knows ?

I never understand these situations... You have no access to money and your husband won't give you money or will do begrudgingly to take children out?! This is not a normal situation to me. Surely you can see that most people don't live like this.

With a husband on £50k you should be able to buy yourself a Cardigan really.

Did you say you can't work? Are you happy with how money is distributed?

Oh no

OP, you need equal access to the money. Give him an ultimatum or leave him, and mean it.

He sounds awful although perhaps you just need to speak to him and agree what more money you need.

If he would engage in that/you’re too scared to then I strongly suggest you get yourself some advice on your rights.

And if you possibly can, get a job any some financial independence.

Appreciate a different thread but never ever be financially beholden to anyone. We must teach our girls this.

@Ilovexmastime35

Thanks for all your comments. Haven't read every one yet as had 99 in the space of about 15 minutes!!

A bit more info to give you the reality of my situation.... I don't have access to our money. My husband gives me housekeeping each month to buy the food. I have nothing apart from that. He has the rest. I don't have access to it and I don't have a card to. It. So I do not know the exact figures. But he doesn't want me "wasting" his money. We've always been very low earners and he's only just recently started to earn this and he seems to want to not spend it on anything for me!! He will say I've already got clothes so don't need more for example.
Up until recently he was earning between 25 and 40k a month so we've been very used to living on much less. We've not been able to build up any savings yet.
I usually always use vouchers to take the kids to attractions but because of covid there doesn't seem to be any

Then you need a proper sit down chat about the budget, your long-term financial plans, your access to joint money, and priorities.

It's not an issue of not being able to afford what other people do at all.

It's an issue of access to funds and whether you're a team or an undervalued servant.

So what you're saying is you have £200 left from the housekeeping he 'gives' you?

Please, please tell me you're married to him?

Oh love that's shit. What's he spending on then? Is he saving or does he feel he's earned the money for himself?

I'd start with a sit down discussion about family finances.

@Ilovexmastime35.

Your updates are heartbreaking. That is no way to live. It’s abuse.

You don’t work but you DO contribute in other ways!

Dh is a high earner, I work part time around the kids school time. I earn a fraction of what he does. We have a joint account- all the ££ goes into one pot which all our necessary expenses come out off. Then we spend as we wish. Any “big” spends are discussed but I wouldn’t think twice about buying a new cardigan, coat or pair of shoes! Never. And if dh told me off (he never would) I’d tell him to do one. We talk about spending for our holidays, or decorating the house. We save and plan. But we do it together. And it is never about my financially contributing less.

I think it’s so horrible. He doesn’t respect you.

OP - I was originally going to say that I can see how £50k isn't a massive salary. But really, the issue here is your DH. Not how much he earns. He needs to be transparent with you about what is coming in and how it's going out. And you need to have a say in how the family's money is spent. If you are a SAHM then you also absolutely have the right to some of that money for yourself, whether it's buying clothes or whatever.

What is your budget from him each month and what does he expect you to buy with it?

Most likely, you're going to either need to get a job (don't get sucked into using your earnings to pay for childcare - that either needs to be split or he needs to do the childcare while you're working) or you're going to have to force some real changes here.