How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

Thanks for all your comments. Haven't read every one yet as had 99 in the space of about 15 minutes!!

A bit more info to give you the reality of my situation.... I don't have access to our money. My husband gives me housekeeping each month to buy the food. I have nothing apart from that. He has the rest. I don't have access to it and I don't have a card to. It. So I do not know the exact figures. But he doesn't want me "wasting" his money. We've always been very low earners and he's only just recently started to earn this and he seems to want to not spend it on anything for me!! He will say I've already got clothes so don't need more for example.
Up until recently he was earning between 25 and 40k a month so we've been very used to living on much less. We've not been able to build up any savings yet.
I usually always use vouchers to take the kids to attractions but because of covid there doesn't seem to be any

25 to 40k a year sorry

To be fair we are in the south east and our joint income is £51k. We have plenty for the 2 of us but if we had 2 kids it would be a bloody struggle. However with you not working you must have no childcare costs which helps. I think we would have enough for clothes if we were to have children and no childcare.

We have a high amount of disposable income being a young couple with no dependents but we do save by: having 1 second hand car as we dont NEED two. It's a nice to have. We shop at lidl/aldi and meal plan so we dont overbuy. I do all my own beauty treatments - I wax, pluck, tint and shave and buy the bits to do if from savers. Hair cut twice a year. I dont colour it but I'm lucky I dont need to tbh as I'm young and like the colour. Skincare is 'The Ordinary'. We do all our own DIY. Any white goods/furniture etc is gumtree/facebay and if we're treating ourselves then IKEA. We have a modest house in a nice area as we value life experiences over a big house so our mortgage is smaller than most around us

Any savings I can make for him by reducing direct debits etc I don't see the benefit of.

right... that's a totally different problem!

The issue is with the choices you make. Of course you can find cardigans for less than £35 the issue is you do not want them. There are plenty of coats for less than £59 but again they are not the ones you want. It is possible to live within your means but you have to want to.

That is terrible that you don't have oversight of family finances!!!

How do you know he isn't over paying for bills etc and isn't wasting FAMILY money on luxuries for him?

I'm on a much lower income than you. Personally I buy 'nice' things in some areas and nothing at all or cheap things in others. So it might look from the outside that e.g. I can afford more holidays than you would think a person on my salary should be able to. But on the other hand I never buy clothes for myself, I just wait and get stuff for Christmas or birthday, and my car is over 15 years old and 150k miles. Or I eat out a bit, but I'm happy to buy supermarket own brand groceries and toiletries.

I think a part of the problem is that (on social media especially) you only see what someone’s spent money on, and not what they haven’t. So it’s easy to browse Facebook and see that one friend is on a holiday, another has a new car and someone else is out at an expensive restaurant etc. But all you are seeing is where each person chooses to spend their money - holiday friend may have a 20 yr old car and no new clothes for five years. Restaurant friend may not have been abroad for 10 years, or whatever.

It’s very easy to get a skewed perspective of other people’s lives, and especially easy to start feeling sorry for yourself as a result.

I’m guessing you have a massive mortgage or loan amount?

We’re a family of 5 (I’m currently on a career break so just DH 37k salary to cover everything) and we all have new clothes (including plus size me) when needed and nice extras and days out (well pre covid)

I do tend to try be savvy and shop around get deals where I can! Also supermarkets clothes are fantastic and they usually have a great plus size range but also try looking for plus size pre loved groups on Facebook. I’m in one and have got some beautiful things for very good prices.

I’m always checking out bills. Use sites to Make sure you’re paying the cheapest tariffs on gas, electricity, broadband, phones, insurance and sort out mortgage by seeing what deals there are.
We try to keep food shopping fairly cheap and we don’t drink.
We go out a lot and usually go to free places with the odd more expensive trip thrown in. I always use Tesco vouchers or see if there are any deals on (bit hard at the moment) for those.

I get it's tough, but I manage as a single parent on £10k less then you and I have disposable money. Its not a lot at the moment, about £200 as I'm paying for next year's holiday - bugger off Covid. Once this is paid off, my disposable income will go back up to nearly £600. I have a mortgage and all other associated bills.

I budget for everything every month, even down to hair cuts and school uniform then divide my money between accounts so I know how much I have. My food budget is £400 a month for the 3 of us. I won't scrimp of food or heating, but most of my clothes and the kids are high street and supermarket.

Get a better budget and I'm sure you will see more money. By putting money aside each month, when the big bills hit, it's already paid for.

I apologise op , for my earlier comment about you not listening to advice. Your husband is the problem , he's keeping the family money from you and you have no idea where it's going.

I don't have access to our money. My husband gives me housekeeping each month to buy the food. I have nothing apart from that. He has the rest. I don't have access to it and I don't have a card to. It. So I do not know the exact figures. But he doesn't want me "wasting" his money.

I'm sorry, what? You have no idea what money there is because your husband just gives you "housekeeping" money because you're not trusted to "waste" his money?!

Firstly, it's not his money, it's the family's money. Secondly, there needs to be complete openness as to what money is coming in and what it's being spent on. What's left after mutually agreed bills should be split evenly.

The word 'abuse' gets bandied around easily but this sounds like financial abuse to me.

I think the issue is your husband!

Single with three teens on much less with a mortgage and car loan

We manage cheap holidays and treats but then it’s my money and I manage all of it

Well you need to find out the exact financial situation as it would seem to me that your husband has money that you don’t know about as it’s certainly going somewhere . If you had the same outgoings on a lower income and managed it stands to reason that there is money spare now . I fail to understand why people ( women) put up with this kind of financial situation , it’s like something out of the 1940s getting given housekeeping ffs .

Wow that is an incredible update OP, I'm afraid you have bigger problems than paying for a Santa train. You need to speak to your dh about this, family money is for the family and he shouldn't be controlling it all.

If i ask him for money to get a hair cut or a coat etc (which I don't ask for) he will give it to me. He's never refused me anything really. But he makes me feel like he doesn't want to to ask. I feel guilty for asking. He's at work nearly all the time. It's me who takes the kids out and entertains them but he doesn't give me any more cash to do it with!

Also we’re not in debt and have no credit cards just live off our money boy available income. I’d say we’re comfortable and have a nice life.

I'm sorry but I also think you're being financially abused here. If you've been used to a lower income and now have several hundred £ a month more but no change in outgoings then where is the difference going? Something isn't right here. Does your husband have holes in his shoes or is he free to buy new ones whenever he likes?
I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband about family finances.

Cross posted sorry

Plan ahead. We use sun savers for days out and always book in advance so we get 4 tickets to theme parks for £10 instead of £130 etc.

Free museum days, wood walks etc.

I know a family who show the outside world they have everything - neither are massively wealthy and everything is on credit. Both their new cars in the driveway, the designer clothes they wear (and their children) they are always buying new things like scooters and bikes (I mean who does this yearly!) And then the fancy holidays. It makes them happy and they feel they can manage it. Personally I dont agree with the credit arrangements I dont even own a credit card!!!

Hell of a drip feed there OP.

Have you applied for benefits if you are unable to work. Or is it the abusive husband who's not 'allowing' you to work?

But even if you're not, you're still contributing childcare, housework, cooking etc which benefits the whole family, including him. How much does he do at home?

You need to talk to your DH about a fairer division of finances.

All money goes in one pot
All joint expenses including savings for annual and irregular expenses, all child costs incl days out, clothes, school uniforms etc come out of the joint pot.
What's left is split 50/50 so you both have the same amount of spending money for clothes etc.