How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

@NotJustACigar

For clothes and boots try everything5pounds.com it really is a great site. I've been buying loads on there the last couple of months and have received very nice stuff with only a few duds.

I second this clothes site it is amazing the shoes and boots are very good quality noone would know you paid a fiver for them I had a pair of boots from there the other day I paid £5 price sticker on bottom £56 Result The clothes are brilliant as well I have some beautiful stuff from there and they do plus size

How many posters have not read the full fucking thread?! At least have the brain to read all of the OPs posts before commenting.

Eg @GenuisJ0b @T33l9

"you need to have a word with your husband, you are being financially abused."

It would be funny if it wasn't so depressing, the number of PPs who think you can eradicate financial abuse just by "having a word" with your abuser 🙄

He's not going to change if the OP asks him to; he calls the shots and that's how she's got into this situation.

Sorry OP, just fully caught up.

If I were you I'd contact womens aid themselves as it sounds like your husband is controlling and abusive. He likely continues to make your life uncomfortable even without you asking for more because it doesn't sound like even enough to feed 4 on for an entire month even before everything else.

You deserve more than his idea of 'housekeeping'.

Can you have a frank conversation about how he makes you feel/a reality check of prices and what you and the children really need? If you're too scared to that sadly may tell you more .

@Cloudybean

You don't have to spend £35 on a cardigan though, you could either buy second hand or shop in the sales. Supermarkets clothes are also a similar quality to high street brands now, and if you time it right and get TU 25% off etc you can get one for under a tenner that will last. Just one example.

As the OP has stated they are a size 26 it might not be as easy to just grab something off the rack.

Your husband might be financialy abusive, or best case scenario he doesn't know the cost of things. I'd try have a conversation, listing all the 'normal' spendings you have per month for things like groceries, phone bills etc and then negotiate £x on top. His attitude and response will tell you a lot.

Hi OP, I have sent you a message.

You could try Boohoo, they've got some great offers and cater up to a size 26

@T33l9

This is just bizarre.

My partner earns 17,000 per year
I earn just 10,800 per year
Our combined income is less than 30k annually.

We pay £1000pcm on rent (London)

After bills, food shopping, maintenance for the DSC, sky broadband, we can still afford to buy new clothes as and when needed. We also smoke which is expensive but even that doesn't leave us broke.

We have occasional trips out. The zoo. Aquariums.

We don't always cook from scratch either and will gladly treat ourselves to steak / a nicer brand, but we do most of our shopping at Lidl.

I can't fathom how somebody on 50k can claim they can't buy themselves clothes.

Ok so we don't shop for designer, but we have nice clothes.

I get lots for the DC from charity shops. Ditto myself.

You've got to be on a wind up..

The thread has changed direction @T33l9. The OP has explained since her OP that she doesn’t have access to any money as her DH controls the finances, which is why she can’t buy the things she needs; because she has little financial autonomy.

Oh this is awful you cannot work try for pip but in the meantime ask for what you need your being sahm means he can work but it doesn't mean he can deprive you. Do not neglect yourself he could have loads stashed away or spending it but either way he's treating you like a slave free labour but the kids get anything where is his respect for you? Sorry but you need to tell him your an adult and need clothes if he gives you a hard time tell him you will report him for abuse. Hopefully this will scare him. Good luck.

We have a similar setup (I haven't worked since dc1 was born due to postpartum psychosis/other mental health issues) but I have full access to all our money. Dh doesn't care what I spend money on. Could you ask him to source the days out/clothes etc within his budget to demonstrate how little money he's leaving you each month.

When you were both low earners, did you have debt? His behaviour reminds me of a family member who was terrified of having no money so became abusive/controlling when their circumstances changed.

It's obvious which of you haven't RTFT - it renders your pots redundant and a waste of space. It you can't read all the posts at least have the decency to read all OP's posts which couldn't be easier now.

OP I'm very sorry you are married to a financial abuser and would strongly suggest you post on the Relationships Board. The posters over there have a lot of knowledge and experience and can give you excellent advice.

I bet he has a high opinion of himself and I would bruise his ego a bit. If his parents are still alive, next time you see them say something like:

'are you aware that your darling son gives me a monthly allowance which is insufficient for me to even buy a cardigan for myself, I have holes in my shoes and cannot afford to take the children out for a special day trip. After paying bills, he keeps the rest of the money for
himself. When I did have access to a joint account, I was made to account for every penny I spent. Did you bring him up this way?
Are you ashamed of his behaviour? I would be if I were you.'

Then I would tell your parents, your DM probably always know and then I would start on his friends.

The one thing I wouldn't do is put up with his behaviour a minute longer.

I'm sorry OP, I hope you can find a resolution.

are you aware that your darling son gives me a monthly allowance which is insufficient for me to even buy a cardigan for myself, I have holes in my shoes and cannot afford to take the children out for a special day trip. After paying bills, he keeps the rest of the money for
himself. When I did have access to a joint account, I was made to account for every penny I spent. Did you bring him up this way?
Are you ashamed of his behaviour? I would be if I were you.'

I’d be very wary of challenging him so directly in front of his parents - you don’t know how he’d react and whether the OP would be safe.

I'm on 31k husband is 17k we have seperate money split Bill's. So obvs I have a car loan and insurance on finance and then I have a loan at 245. And other things on finance. Iv started saving 408 a month which is mainly 4 hols next year and new decking or patio. But it will also pay for kids xmas gifts at 800 quid. But other than that after all Bill's and shopping I have 70 quid a week and so does husband. So if wanna do a trip we half the cost

Primark for clothing and h and m.

Terrible advice @Crankley

As you are SAHP there is no reason why you can't take care of the finances... route out best deals, food shopping done on line from his account.

Who knows you can probably save him money.

You give him a chance to redeem himself... how likely is he going to want to reveal openly that he is controlling and abusive?

How many years are you from being able to initiate divorce and what are the hurdles stopping you? How can we help?

Some nice cardigans 5.50 in primark look lovely wash gr8

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?!

OP taking this at face value, you're not going 'wrong' with money, you're going wrong with your DH.

“i now can't work due to health problems but can't claim any benefits.” Why not?

@BadDucks

I don’t really understand how you have so little left over to be honest unless you have a huge mortgage. We have a similar household income and we don’t live beyond our means or live flash lives (no debts, no credit cards) but do some nice things and put away between £500 and £1000 in savings a month. Not trying to boast or judge just trying to figure out where all you’re money is going. I suspect you are like we have been in the past. See expensive things like £40 jumpers as too much but probably spend more over the year on several cheap jumpers. A day out is too much at £150 but a take away here or a few treats in the trolley there each week seems more bearable to spend? Might be wrong be we used to be fritterers with small amounts of money that added up to a lot. Now we take the kids out for a nice meal or day out once a term rather than a take away once a week, plus a macdonalds trip, plus a tenner here and there on tat they don’t need.

This is very true. Cheap stuff also doesnt last. I buy good stuff in the sales and put it away for next year. Never buy childrens clothes full price

I just read this post, commented on it without actually looking at all your other posts but feel heartbroken for you and wanted to offer some real advice. Your husband is disrespectful and I you do not have to put up with this. I’m 33 and with my fiancé since we were 18, we’ve had a joint account for for 6 years and normally share our money. Whoever is low one month, will be helped out by the other. You should not have leaky shoes and you should be able to treat yourself to expensive clothes and days out every so often, every mother deserves it. Put it this way, if you were a nanny/ childminder, you would be getting paid for your work, your husband needs to realise that by you staying at home, you’re saving him money and also getting to be there for your kids which is bloody hard work. It deserves to be paid. I don’t mean to overstep but would you ever consider counselling, should be free on the NHS. it could help with the overeating and then maybe with being assertive with your husband. We earn about £40k between us, live in London and although it’s extremely difficult - we manage to save a couple of hundred per month and go on holiday once a year. Admittedly, we do use our credit card sometimes but have never been in debt.

Do they have children? If no, there's your answer.

If they do, do they have parents who provide free childcare? If yes, there's your answer.

Why are some people so bothered that the OP feels £35 is too expensive for a cardigan FFS? It’s like some of you are offended on behalf of all cardigans!!

@Suzi888

“i now can't work due to health problems but can't claim any benefits.” Why not?

Most benefits are means-tested, and as the OP's husband earns £50k/year, they wouldn't be eligible.

I have mentioned PIP, which isn't means-tested and which OP might be eligible for. (Some PPs seem to think it's for people who can't work which isn't true, PIP is for people who work as well as people who can't - the criteria are about daily living activities and mobility.)

Asda do nice coats in bigger sizes .......our income is half yours but we've always had holidays etc.

I've recently started doing surveys, I only do £2 worth a day that goes straight into my PayPal. That's over £700 over the year. So that's Christmas for next year sorted. Everything I buy goes through top cashback or Quidco including switching utilities which brings in a few hundred more each year. I do one food shop a week and stick to it, top up shops are banned.

There are ways and means to get what you want if you make sacrifices to get them.