How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

I think you need to budget better. My and DP earn 58K between us and have around 1K disposable per month. Granted our morgage is only 11% of our income but disposable is after £400 nursery fees and all bills and food. We only have an 18 month old who tbh doesnt cost that much.

I would be very interested to discover what he spends on himself.
He is financially controlling you, something which as a sahm you have somehow come to accept.
I was in a similar situation with my ex once I gave up my career to be a sahm. Something now which I would never recommend anyone doing.
You go from being a strong independent woman to gradually someone who allows another person to take charge of all the finances. As I discovered to my cost not a good way to live.

The problem is your OH, not the money - he sounds vile.

Keeping money from you is abusive behaviour. I'd be asking him to show you bank statements with what comes in and goes out so you know exactly how much is left. He earns it but it isn't for him to decide how its spent, you're a family and you're looking after his kids.

You have a DH problem. Even if the account is separate you should know exactly what is coming in and what is going out and based on that information you agree on a budget. In a normal relationship, the man doesn't just decide your allowance and keeps you in the dark about finances.

You are being financially abused and need to find the inner strength to take back control.

I’m a plus size in use simple be and use a code but I also play off the websites for example simple be, crazy clearance, jdwilliam, Ambrose Wilson are all the same company but they price each item on each website different. Go on each website take the code and price then when you done type all in one website you should get the lowest price plus if you find a code. And make sure that it paid in full. also I wanted Birkenstock for next year so I waited for sale on Freeman normal price £75 sale price £52 but I found a 30% code I got a pair of sandals for £36 (est) I have looked since and the same sandals are full price.

I always pay in full or pay in big chunks

If i ask him for money to get a hair cut or a coat etc (which I don't ask for) he will give it to me.

Sounds awful. Can’t stand men who do this. Is he your husband or your dad? I’m married and my wife and I work together and my wife probably now brings more to our business than me. But back when we first moved in together 15 years ago I used to work and she did housework but we put “my” money in a joint account and made every money decision together. We weren’t even married then let alone kids, but IMO if you live with someone you’re a partnership and access to money should be equal, doesn’t matter who’s earning what or who is/isn’t
staying at home.

When you factor labour costs in, £35 is not that much for a cardigan especially if you’re saying that you need plus sizes. A lot of high street brands are trying to be more ethical meaning they pay their factory staff more and therefore need to charge more for produce.

I buy a lot of second hand clothes, try Depop or Shpock. Shop in the sales, there’s usually a sale every two months especially in the large department stores. Also have you tried shopping online for your sizes?

I saved lots of money last year by changing my utilities on Compare the Meerkat website. It’s a lot of effort but worth it. As for holidays, I usually use my credit card and pay it off- for me, travelling is a priority, I never go too luxurious, Airbnb or groupon for cheap accomadation. Ryan air for cheap flights. As for restaurants, go to First Table and sign up- very simple, non spammy site that gets you half price meals on nice restaurants.

Yanbu in thinking that things seem overpriced when compared to wages. I always have a rough figure what i would pay for something of decent quality/activity and find it always seems more (but maybe I'm just cheap 🙈) I earn a decent wage for our area and my DH earns quite high so we can accomodate it but I have wondered at times about those on less who seem to always be out doing pricey stuff. I suspect credit or its been gifted but don't dwell. No one really knows the ins and outs of others finances. Maybe they have season passes or get coupons/discount codes, early bird booking etc. You can probably save a fair bit by doing that kind of stuff... but I'm too lazy 🙈

I definitely recommend shopping on eBay. I have sold four plus size coats over the last 2 weeks with the £1 final fees (1 my cousins who doesn't 'do' ebay, one my mums and 2 mine) and all but one went for approx 4.99 and 2 were brand new and Simply Be.

like many others have pointed you really need to be forensic on all your outgoings. If you have debt (do not think of it as as loan) for things big ticket items furniture and car you are going wrong straight from the off. I have always bought cars for only few thousand that I could pay off in very quick fashion but still have ultra low running costs (e.g. zero road tax, frugal cars). Hard to know if you have a pricey motor. Furniture is a bit difficult but I have always saved up and got the best price I could, somethings like a nice sofa is worth paying on finance but other stuff just buy outright if you can. Always go on price comparison sites and save the hell out of everything.
Clothes wise I just wait for the regular 50% sales at your high street websites and top up then for a fraction of the normal cost. Not plus size myself but they seem to be easier to find in the sales. Then always the boxing/black friday sales to gear up to.

@addictedtotheflats

I think you need to budget better. My and DP earn 58K between us and have around 1K disposable per month. Granted our morgage is only 11% of our income but disposable is after £400 nursery fees and all bills and food. We only have an 18 month old who tbh doesnt cost that much.

Op should budget better out of the £250 a month she's allowed by her husband?

Forgot to add, Charity shops too - I was in our local Women's Aid one today and a M&S plus size coat was £4.

I definitely recommend a complete budget rehaul - switch your energy bills, haggle with your TV people, check all insurances, switch your bank account as some pay you to do so etc etc. It's daunting but once you're on the flow it's easy. Check MoneySavingExpert if you want to see what retention deals are available for places like Sky/Virgin/AA etc atm.

@Ilovexmastime35

Thanks for all your comments. Haven't read every one yet as had 99 in the space of about 15 minutes!!

A bit more info to give you the reality of my situation.... I don't have access to our money. My husband gives me housekeeping each month to buy the food. I have nothing apart from that. He has the rest. I don't have access to it and I don't have a card to. It. So I do not know the exact figures. But he doesn't want me "wasting" his money. We've always been very low earners and he's only just recently started to earn this and he seems to want to not spend it on anything for me!! He will say I've already got clothes so don't need more for example.
Up until recently he was earning between 25 and 40k a month so we've been very used to living on much less. We've not been able to build up any savings yet.
I usually always use vouchers to take the kids to attractions but because of covid there doesn't seem to be any

@Ilovexmastime35

This changes the entire thread. You don’t have money not because there is unnecessary spending and debt but because you husband is allowing you and the children to live with less than you need you don’t have a fucking coat Ilove! and he is refusing you access to the only family income so he can hoard it.
this is not his money, he earned it but it is family money and you should have access to it obviously you don’t have the right to spend it all but you do need access to it to run the house and pay for your lives etc.

But he doesn't want me "wasting" his money. We've always been very low earners and he's only just recently started to earn this and he seems to want to not spend it on anything for me!! He will say I've already got clothes so don't need more for example.
this is disgusting that he could say this to his wife and the mother of his children, in fact I think this is financial abuse.

Please consider starting a new thread and making sure you explain this in the first post. I’m sorry I don’t want to upset you or scare you but IMO you are in a financially abusive relationship and need proper advice but you won’t get it because it’s only later posts that show it.

I've just looked at your posts OP and they are sad to read. (you not having access to family money)

I was going to ask what car and furniture payments you have (we earn about 45k between us and have 2 x 11 year old Kia picantos and either cheap furniture or second hand off eBay) and what rent or mortgage? I recommend annual passes for the safari Park (for us the passes cost about the same as 2 visits -we got ride wristband upgrade as costs less than 2 wristbands - so go lots one year and then the following year perhaps passes for somewhere else like a farm park or give it a miss and visit trampoline Park etc) but the bigger issue by far is you not having access to family finances.

I would kick up a stink and would not stand for it - even if it did lead to the end of your marriage. If a couple of hundred quid is enough for the shopping each month then suggest to him that he takes over the shopping as he will find it so easy. In fact ask him about swapping roles he can have what he gives you - to prove it is plenty-- and you can manage the rest of the money and outgoings. It is sad you have a family income of 3k and no access to money. What he gives you is not adequate. You need to tell him to support you properly (drawing up a family budget which you are fully involved in and includes equal personal spending for you and him). If he won't treat you as an equal and support you then you should consider if your marriage is over. You will have better access to money on benefits and child maintenance.

This is just bizarre.

My partner earns 17,000 per year
I earn just 10,800 per year
Our combined income is less than 30k annually.

We pay £1000pcm on rent (London)

After bills, food shopping, maintenance for the DSC, sky broadband, we can still afford to buy new clothes as and when needed. We also smoke which is expensive but even that doesn't leave us broke.

We have occasional trips out. The zoo. Aquariums.

We don't always cook from scratch either and will gladly treat ourselves to steak / a nicer brand, but we do most of our shopping at Lidl.

I can't fathom how somebody on 50k can claim they can't buy themselves clothes.

Ok so we don't shop for designer, but we have nice clothes.

I get lots for the DC from charity shops. Ditto myself.

You've got to be on a wind up..

Just no. What a bastard. I would be asking to either see his bank statements and have access immediately or show him the door, he would have to pay you 250 in child support at least anyway, the cheeky fecker.

My recent examples
Clothes
£3 cardigan car boot sale
£1 M&S blouse
Also found some brand new Xmas presents in charity shop too

Food
Yellow sticker or bulk buy at cash & carry
Eat everything, don't throw anything away
Freeze leftovers
Market for fruit & veg

Sorry OP I've just read your update. I take back what I said. Your husband is out of line. Massively.

You need to insist on full open and honesty about finances and AGREEMENT on budgets.

It's not ok he chooses to spend £££££ on holidays and DC gifts whilst you are treated like a maid.

You are within your right to say that the DC get less spent on them and Christmas and Birthday. That you need £x amount for clothing, phone, treats for yourself like coffee out, hair cuts etc.

How much does he spend on lunches, clothing, shoes, hair cuts, his phone? You have no idea and that isn't ok.

With your update op it sounds like you can afford things but your husband is keeping the money .
Ok I get that he earns and he gives you money but what's he doing with the rest .
So the issue here is not how do people afford things , as it sounds like do can you but you husband controls what you can and can't spend .
You have a dh issue here so you need to speak to him .
perhaps you can have a part time job so you can have a little financial independence .

Put your DH on a rice and peas diet - thats all thats left after you and the children have eaten.

I think you need a self respect and self worth overhaul.

Are you sure you aren't able to get any disability benefits if you're unable to do conventional work?

A second income stream would make a big difference to your self worth and a bit more financial independance may help you work out how you want to proceed and whether a life with a miser is really in your long term best interests.

I found myself single with two DC of 1 and 3 and learnt very quickly to be thrifty. I have this every pound isn't equal belief because sometimes money spent on items is an investment for which you can get a return.

So if you buy yourself a branded coat good quality second hand or end of sale, something that you like, personally I love a SeaSalt coat
it might cost you £40- £50 but you can sell it a few months later for the same or if you get good at buying badly listed using for a bit and onselling for a bit more. Plus size branded clothing goes really well second hand and new on the likes of eBay. I'm plus size at present and don't enjoy clothes shopping at the best of times - plus size attracts quite a premium price so I know I'm not the only one.

When you are in the charity shop looking for yourself, have a bit of a scoot around at other nice branded stuff, maybe there are a few items you could sell on. This is just as relevant for childrens clothes and toys. Keep boxes, encourage them to keep things nice and declutter things they don't need.

Mine became incredibly savvy as they grew up and we'd always have a savings target for luxury items they'd pay towards by donating toys they didn't really play with. We'd decide what the next treat would be and they'd get involved in working out what we could do to get towards it.

We all tend to end up with excess stuff - old tech that you can eBay or go to/ send to the likes of CEX to trade in. eBay say the average house has a few thousand pounds of stuff lying around that is never used. If the children get lots at birthdays and Christmas I guess it could easily be more. Nicely listed barely used or even not used stuff goes down really well on selling sites at this time of year.

If you have any old jewellery you never wear gold is at a record eye watering high places like hatton garden metals offer a good trade in rate and that might bring in a few hundred to get your fund going. If they're branded pieces they go well on sites like eBay with decent photos.

We live in SE with similar income and can afford clothes, days out, city breaks and family holidays along with putting money aside to save

Also why is a

Are you sure there’s not something going on with finances like gambling maybe?

I think you need to have a proper look at your expenditures. As in write them down and look what you can get cheaper. I don't understand how you've so little money eaxh month left with someone earning over 50k? I earn 40k and save nearly a grand a month, and have Sky etc and can afford holidays too.

You don't have to spend £35 on a cardigan though, you could either buy second hand or shop in the sales. Supermarkets clothes are also a similar quality to high street brands now, and if you time it right and get TU 25% off etc you can get one for under a tenner that will last. Just one example.