How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

@Sennedd

Honestly, I am shocked you allow him to do this to you.

Nice bit of victim blaming.

@RandomMess

You'd get more than £250 per month from him in child maintenance and you wouldn't have to feed him!!!

This!!! My DP paid about that when he was on 32k!

Your DH is financially abusive OP. 50k is enough to live on and to do all the things you want to do. He's just not giving you access to enough of it.

£35 isn’t a lot for a Cardigan.

They were £35.00 when l was going in the 1980’s

Debt

I know someone who is 49, earns 200K a year and has zero equity in their house because they blow it on Range Rovers, 4 holidays in 5* hotels and year and fancy clothes. They are broke.

I used to work with people in debt. A lot of them (not all) had 20K+ in debt to dodgy loan companies, credit cards and store cards. All blow on shite. I rarely came across someone who was in debt because they needed to help out family or buy necessities. It was mostly spent on luxuries.

They get it on the never never.

Honestly, I am shocked you allow him to do this to you.

Nice bit of victim blaming there @Sennedd, she doesn’t “allow” him to do anything to her - he chooses to behave in an abusive way which limits her choices, erodes her confidence and keeps her financially dependent on him.

His behaviour, his choices, his abuse.

OP not having access to money is financial abuse, him not allowing you the means to meet your basic needs for warm clothing and shoes is abusive, him making you ask for every penny is abusive. Not likely to be resolved by a chat about finances, because this is how he retains control over you. It may be worth talking to Womens Aid about how you pick your way through this. It’s not ok and it’s not your fault.

If that's all he's giving you, I hope he doesn't mind lentils for dinner every day because I'd sooner the kids had a varied and nutritious diet, instead of their tight, controlling father.

Ilovexmastime35

I think you need to investigate disability benefits further OP. If you are too disabled to do any work, you will qualify for a PIP. (Personal independence Payment). It is not meanstested so doesn't matter if your DH is a millionaire. If you are entitled based on disability then you are entitled.

Daily living - standard rate
£59.70
Daily living - enhanced rate
£89.15
Mobility - standard rate
£23.60
Mobility - enhanced rate
£62.25

Weekly amounts. This would double your income.

I note you say 'his money' op. Not family money.
So, assuming your side of the deal is caring for your children, are they 'your children' not his?

@TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince

£35 isn’t a lot for a Cardigan.

They were £35.00 when l was going in the 1980’s

Helpful.

Just going back over this, OP says her husband has £3k after tax.

A lot of posters are assuming he's keeping her short of money.

He clearly is restricting her access to the accounts and unless there's a massive backstory that isn't on. But we don't really know how much spare money there is do we?

I earn similarly to the OPs DH and my monthly outgoings until recently were £2750 including a mortgage of £1600 and spending under £100 a week on groceries.

The remaining £250 I used to split as about £50 for car maintenance, £50 for house maintenance, £75 general savings and £75 for birthday, Christmas and days out etc.

The OP says they have £200 a month left over after all bills, which isn't much more than I had and for all we know their mortgage and loan payments were greater than mine. It may be there isn't much more money for shopping than the current £250 plus child benefit.

Feel like people commenting now need to read ops updates. It's not her financial management it's her husband being financially abusive.

Oh - and divorce your financially abusive husband .. he will have a wake up call when he loses at least half the house equity /savings/his work pension.. and has to pay CM of £545 a month based on 50k and EOW..

@Jojobar yours was 2750 Inc 400 for food. He supposedly only has 250 left Inc food. If that's the case, he can't support them and he needs be having a conversation with op about how they can't afford to live on his wages. The fact his wages have recently gone up, and the fact I doubt he's going to work in holey clothes, I very much doubt his outgoings are the issue.

Oh OP what a controlling arse hole you have there. You are not entitled to benefits because you have a husband that earns £50K a year, it's naturally assumed that you shouldn't need them because husbands monies are family monies.
I'm so angry on your behalf for the lack of respect he has for you, to leave you caring for the children alone nearly all of the time which enables him to have this great wage which he then wont share with you.
Please tell me the house is in joint names?

Every time I see these threads I am always worried it will be because the man is the gate keeper to all the money.

Op I am a SAHM with a disability meaning I cannot work. I have full access to all monies because I am the one shopping for everything, food, house, children. What I spend is what I spend.

The only time Dh has ever made a comment about cost was when he was shocked a pair of school shoes was £58. I reminded him the last time he came shoe shopping was when the children got their first pairs of school shoes aged 4. Ds was now 13 in an adult size 9 shoe, has ridiculously wide feet meaning I need to buy wide fit and I was more than happy for him to go out with Ds and try to find a cheaper pair of shoes.

I think sometimes when people don't shop they are out of touch with the reality of a food shop etc. Maybe he should do it then if he thinks it can be done within the budget he set (probably years ago when the children ate less and things cost less). I had a proper shock when I realised a bag of Walkers crisps was 65p because I always buy the boxes in Costco so don't consider the cost. My weekly food shop is £140 because I have 2 teenage sons who hoover up food.

Maybe you should have a sit down together and go through all the finances. If you cannot have this conversation then your relationship is in trouble.

To be honest your posts make little sense to me.
Initially you say there is only £200 left at the end of the month, then later say your husband only gives you an allowance of £250 to cover everything.
If you have no knowledge of the finances how do you know what is left?
You still have not told us the cost of your mortgage...do you even know?

@SleepingStandingUp that's not what the OP says. In her first post she says they have £200 left after all bills, food and fuel. That must be after the £250 plus CB has been deducted.

If there are 2 cars (OP mentions her car, possibly her DH has his own too) I can see how those costs would be greater, as I was only running 1 car.

I think as others have said on here that with 50k , 3k a month take home. there must be somewhere you could cut back? Wowcher often have deals as well .What about shopping ,can you go to a cheaper SM maybe? A cardigan for £35 and coat for £59.00 doesnt seem expensive to me Im afraid .Maybe you could put away something each week for trips out .Can you use any CA for trips maybe .Do you have a large mortgage ,maybe you could look around for a cheaper rate ?

Shein are great for clothes if you’re on a budget

@Thepilotlightsgoneout

Trying not to be rude but if he earns £50K and you only have £200 a month left, then somethings going wrong. What are your outgoings? Any way of changing them?

Agree. Perhaps your outgoings are too high? Have you thought of downsizing to a smaller house?

Just realised this thread is now 4 pages long!

OP I suspect a lot of people pay via Klarna (aka in 3 installments), or on credit card, and probably have very little savings.

After reading your update though OP, all money earned from you and DH should be family money. He shouldn't be holding any back and restricting you, this is abusive and wrong.

I really don't like when women are given 'allowances', they should have access to the family pot and be free to spend what they need to for the family.

I take it from the £350 or so you get he expects you to pay for his food and trips out? If he wants things to be separate, then use the money you get just for you and the children. He has got plenty spare to spend on himself. He is financially abusive.

I don't think he realises how much shipping actually costs so I will keep a whole month of receipts and show him. He's never had to do it before

Secondly I'm overweight because I have a mobility problem and I over eat due to comfort eating of my situation. I'm currently a size 26. I've recently tried to do a low calorie diet and ended up in hospital!! I can't win!!

I don't want a joint account as he monitors all spending. I'd just like him to give me more instead of me having to ask and justify every penny.

Im not happy in my marriage and I do want to seperate but thats a different issue for another time.

I shall have a look on all the websites advised on here, I'll write them down and see if I can grab some bargains! Thank you

*shopping