How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

Our joint income is similar. We have a joint account for all family stuff. Food, phone, petrol and essentials should all come out of a shared account imo. Surely £250 I think you said isn't enough to feed a family of 4. A family trip should also come out of the family pot. You should have equal access to the family pot.

We both have our own bank accounts too which we pay £80 a month into as 'spending money'. I use that for any clothes that aren't essential, coffee out, or save it. We did this because in this case I would scrutinise what dh was in my opinion 'wasting' on football ;)

Your husband sounds financially abusive OP.

There are several parts to OP’s question.

Re: days out, well, everyone has different priorities. I don’t think you can blame places for their prices - they are struggling to survive.

Cardigans - non point. Just buy one off eBay.

Money to spend - well, this is the fundamental point, and if your dh is controlling all the money, then you don’t lack money, just lack access to it, so it’s daft to talk about not being entitled to benefits/mum having to give money/what other people have.

It’s fair to ask what is dh doing with this money? If he is living high on the hog then obviously that’s wrong. But is he one of life’s savers and fears having no money? There are plenty of men and women like this. I know someone who would only allow her dh £10 a week (when he earned £100k) ; he left her... Does your dh think you are too extravagant? Or have been, leading him to worry?

Whatever, you both need to work out a reasonable budget, that’s neither extreme parsimony nor based on keeping up with “what everyone else spends”.

Why on earth are people still pointing out where the OP can buy cheap clothes from , she doesn’t need to buy cheap clothes she needs to have a good talk to her husband about a fairer way to share their finances . As for getting money off your mum @Ilovexmastime35 does she not question why you need money off of her ?

@unmarkedbythat

Equally, they say you shouldn't spend more than 25% of your income on housing and many people spend a lot more.

Well, yes, bit you do understand it's not really up to me how much I spend on housing? I don't set house prices or rents and it's not my choice that local rents have doubled in the last 8 years whilst wages have remained more or less stagnant.

Quite. We bought our 2.5 bd semi 7 years ago (Outer London) and have overpaid the maximum amount ever since we bought it reducing the payments, however the mortgage is still 34% of our income, which is slightly above the OP's but not my much as 40% tax eats away at the extra amount above 50k. Our outgoings are probably close to £3k each month and we have already done all the usual, like switching every year, shopping in Aldi etc I never buy anything unless it's on sale, subscribe to MSE newsletter and follow their advice religiously. The point is we save very little every month because our mortgage, council tax and bills are extortionate because of where we are. Not having to commute has been a massive saving and also allowing time to cook from scratch, which is a lot cheaper. Still if you live in London on with one earner with kids a salary of 50-60k is not going to make for a comfortable living.

Are you not entitled to any benefits for your physical health OP?

Are you registered disabled?

@Ilovexmastime35 I think you'd be better off starting a new thread in Relationships about the issues between you and your partner as it's clear this thread has been derailed by people who haven't bothered to read your updates.

Slow hand clap for the pile on brigade who clearly struggle to read more than one post.

@marshmallow95

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh do fuck off. You have no idea why op is the size she is and it quite easily be health not food. If she's comforting eating, it's because she's in an abusive and controlling relationship in all likelihood. Even if she is spending all the pittance he roles out to her on chocolate and cake, the PERSON you are belittling with your fake smiley fake is a HUMAN BEING who is going through a difficult time and has asked for support, not ridicule.

But hey, at least it gave your ego a boost to kick someone when they're down. Go you, wow you're just so funny and witty.

50k before tax or after tax? How big is your family? Can you work and bring some income? Do you budget for food, bills, etc?. Depends also where you live. Do you live in a expensive area or do you live in London?

50k before tax is only about 35k after tax. For a family of 4 is not a lot unless you don't have to pay mortgage or rent.

Others may earn more and you are not aware. They may be better a getting the best deals on bills; they may not have to pay mortgage, rent. They may be in a lot of debt or use credit cards. Lots of different possibilities.

Honestly, I am shocked you allow him to do this to you.

I've just read your updates op and it's really sad. Why does he think 250 is enough for food, clothes and children's expenses? It's really not!

He's being controlling. Is he controlling in other ways?

Go to the child maintenance calculator and input your details and what your husband earns. For £50 k it's about £550 a month child maintenance of the kids stay with him 1-2 nights a week. Then you would get UC and child benefit on top. My sister gets around £1150 monthly uc as a single parent.

Then tell him if you reiterate the house will have to be sold and he will likely forfeit part of his pension too as you being at home has enabled him to work while you take care of his kids.

Or instead of squealing he could just agree to a decent amount every month that covers everything and leaves you with a C bit of fun money. £250 from £3000 a month is a fucking insult. Not even one eighth of the family money and you have to buy food and clothes!!

*marshmallow95

"I can't shop at Primark because i'm plus size" Primark goes up to a size 20, perhaps you would have more money left at the end of the month if you weren't eating so much! Then you would also be able to buy nice cheap clothes from the majority of stores*

While you're policing the thread @BoulangerieBabs for people carelessly forgetting to refresh their screen and therefore missing worrying updates from OP, you might want to police the truly cuntish comments like this^

I agree with PP, you need to have a word with your husband, you are being financially abused. My husband earns a lot more than me, but I know what is going on with our finances, have access to a joint account. He NEVER queries what I spend, never asks me if I bought something because I needed it or just because I wanted it because I am an adult and his partner. He always discusses any major purchases with me as well, even though he could argue it's his money and he could spend it how he likes. But he doesn't because he is not an arsehole. Now, it could be that your husband is terrified of spending money after being skint for so long. My husband is more cautious than I am and it took him a long time to learn to relax and not feel like a wastrel who would end up in the gutter if he spent £15 on a t-shirt for himself. But you need to get this sorted. It is humiliating having to go to your mother for money and it is unnecessary.

Just read your update op. You used to both work and share a bank account. But since you gave up work he stopped you from accessing it?! He gives you £200 per month to spend on the family?! Is that right? My husband and I have access to our shared account. I gave up work to be a sahm, I still have access. He is not being fair to you. You shouldn't be walking around with holes in your boots! You are a human being and you deserve to have money spent on your clothes.

@Ilovexmastime35

The reason is because we both used to work full time up until 10 years ago. We both earned the same. (low earners). We both had seperate Bank accounts and one joint account that bills came out of. We paid 50/50 into the joint account for all bills etc and the rest was our own to spend on what we want. We then had 2 kids and i now can't work due to health problems but can't claim any benefits. The bank accounts have remained seperate but I don't earn anything!

We did once try a joint account, and he went through every single purchase/spend that I'd made and questioned me on it. I hated it!! So we went back to seperate again. He gives me 250 + the child benefit to buy food, petrol for my car and my phone bill. There is never enough just for these things each month and my mum has to give me more. He thinks it's completely adequate and I should be able to buy everything with that easitl, including my clothes!

Please tell me you're joking that he only gives you 250 per month? that's just over 50 quid per week for all that, no wonder your shoes have holes.. That's disgusting, he is bringing home a healthy wage, you need to write out what things cost and give it to him, or better still, tell him to get the shopping and all the things kids need and see how he manages.

To answer the original question a lot of people have massive credit debts, or run their lives on finance, lease deals on cars is why there are suddenly loads of range rover sports and Audi's in our local area. The credit checks on lease cars are pretty minimal. There's also lots of people with very low housing costs (living in property owned by family or friends and paying a peppercorn rent etc), some doing cash in hand work and not declaring it for tax purposes and some of those are probably also claiming benefits too. Then there's those whose earnings are from illegal sources (more than you'd expect - they will have some kind of 'business' but it's usually a front to enable money laundering).

However in this case OP it seems more the issue is that your DH is keeping you short of money. A few points on this:

Is there an form of paid employment you might be able to manage? I think both financially and mentally it would really help if you could find something you could do even from home.

I don't know what child benefit is nowadays but I'll guess at 150 a month for 2? So you have 400 a month for shopping, petrol and your phone. Now that's not a great deal but if is manageable if that's all there is. Shopping for a family of 4, you should be able to manage on 75-80 a week especially if you go to Aldi or Lidl. Petrol - unless you live remotely, surely £10 a week is enough? Can you walk to/ from school with DC? And phone, if you don't already, get a sim only deal, mine is with Plusnet and is about £6 a month. There are a few around at that level.

Your DH should be sharing finances with you, absolutely. You should have access to the accounts and know what's in them. However equally I think you need to set a budget for weekly shopping. Otherwise you risk ending up in a situation like a male friend of mine whose (ex) wife would spend £200 a week on shopping (half of which got thrown away because it went off before it was eaten) and refused to allow him to do the shopping himself, or to countenance spending less.

You'd get more than £250 per month from him in child maintenance and you wouldn't have to feed him!!!

Another post that seems to be about one thing and then shows a financially abusive spouse.

Also if you can’t work because of your health look into claiming contributory ESA.

If your partner is on 50K, and you genuinely can't afford some new shoes, something is very wrong.

You have a household take home of £3k plus child benefit ( say £140)
You get £250 plus the child benefit.
Where does the remaining £2750 go?
You need £800 a month at least to give a buffer but really with one income your household should work off one joint account.

@Ilovexmastime35

His wage has to cover absolutely everything. He earns 3k after pension. Pays for mortgage, a loan that bought our car and furniture, all the bills and insurances, fuel, and food there is not much left! We don't have any savings at all. No subscriptions or sky TV etc.

My point is tho that even if we could afford it I think things are far too expensive!! 35 pounds for a cardigan! I need multiple! Anything I have is second hand or charity shop but they don't always have my size

With an income of £50k, it's your outgoings/spending on other things that are the issue, not that everybody else has more than you do.

How much are you spending on food/what types of things do you buy?

Is your house really entirely furnished from new? You didn't own a stick of furniture before taking out a large loan? Or did you buy the most expensive things/brands?

I'm not sure if OP is going to come back 😢 hope you're OK, it must have been a shock to read all these comments. 💐

What a miserable way to live!

@YouokHun

*marshmallow95

"I can't shop at Primark because i'm plus size" Primark goes up to a size 20, perhaps you would have more money left at the end of the month if you weren't eating so much! Then you would also be able to buy nice cheap clothes from the majority of stores*

While you're policing the thread @BoulangerieBabs for people carelessly forgetting to refresh their screen and therefore missing worrying updates from OP, you might want to police the truly cuntish comments like this^

Well I'm not going to say anything about that comment because it was always going to be deleted, as will yours and mine too probably, because it was beyond nasty.

Anyway you tell yourself you were too busy to read the update in time if you want despite the fact there was almost an hour between Op and you commenting. Yes, yes I'm that sad that I checked, it's how I roll on my day off.