How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

I'm sorry. But l bought up two kids..admiitly years ago on a salary or £26k. Then on benefits...we always could afford a day out even on benefits ..if l saved for a few months.
Clothes are cheap now...Primark go up to size 24..Evans always have a sale on.
Now me and my DP earn about £30k between us. We have about £600 disposable income after everything...we save and we help the DC.
You need a breakdown of your experiditure.

Even if there is eg a very high mortgage, a lot of debt or something else that legitimately means there is not much left over, they should both be aware of this, know what the money is going on and be equal partners. The fact that OP doesn't feel it worthwhile to reduce utility bills, for example, because she wouldn't see the benefit of it, shows that something has gone very wrong somewhere.

@Cruachan31 Why on Earth did you type out all that without reading all of OP’s posts first?! 😦

Either they earn more money or budget better or finance/credit cards. I’m not sure why you can only find a cardigan for that price though? It took me two seconds to find a cardigan for £16 in a plus size range that goes up to a size 30 on PLT so I’m sure you can get it cheaper than the price you mentioned in other places.

Things such as Klarna which you can pay monthly/weekly allow people to shop online. Being savvy with things such as Tesco Clubcard and swapping them in for vouchers etc.

Shein gets knocked sometimes but I have bought loads on shein curve for myself and my daughter and all of it has been great. Give it a look x

I’ve read some of your other posts and you sound as though you are living in misery but staying together for the sake of your kids.
Surely being a single mum would be better than this life.

I buy pretty much everything clothes wise from eBay, charity shops, local Facebook groups and in the sales. I’ve just bought a desperately needed winter coat from BrandAlley - 60% off full price.

I was about to say we’ve lived on less than 50k when I’ve been on mat leave and still managed to have a life, pay a mortgage and actually save with 2 young children. I then read your posts to try and work out where all that money is going for you to be left with so little then realised it’s not being spent, it’s just going into a bank account you can’t see!

It is totally ridiculous that you are having to borrow money from other people when your household income is 50k, I’m sorry to say but it sounds like you are being financially abused. If you have the setup like yours where only 1 person works and the other looks after the children and house you need to be in agreement that money earned no matter who earned it, is there to be shared equally. I just wouldn’t put up with this setup.

I think there must be something seriously wrong here as I don't understand how your dh can take home £3k a month and you manage to use up £2800 on bills/food/mortgage? No eating out, new clothes, holidays? We do all those things and more, and live very comfortably on about £40k between us (both working, me only part time though). I know it's all comparative to your outgoings, but we have a reasonable sized mortgage, the standard bills, council tax, TV, internet, phones, insurances, etc, preschool fees, swimming and extra clubs on top, so don't see how your expenditure can be vastly different to that? We usually have about £1000 left over, to spend on leisure, holidays etc. Think you need to delve deeper into your family finances and try to understand where the money is going, and where you can cut back to createore disposable income for more family enjoyment.

OP- you need to speak to your DH and sort this out! Nobody can feed a family of four, clothe themselves and pay for days out and entertainment for two children on the money he his giving you. You shouldn't feel guilty about wanting things for yourself and your family. I suggest you get a joint account, and agree a different way of managing the money. It's fine for him to have an opinion on what the money is spent on but not fine for him to have total control.

Primark goes up to a size 20, perhaps you would have more money left at the end of the month if you weren't eating so much! Then you would also be able to buy nice cheap clothes from the majority of stores

Really unnecessary nastiness. Op said she's got health problems and she's having a a bit of a shit time with her finances. She doesn't need you being mean to her as well.

Why don't you take your fat shaming cuntyness and buzz off.

Your husband earns more than me and DH earn between us, and we manage a mortgage, bills and nursery fees, with a little bit left over for the odd treat at the weekend. Either your mortgage is outrageously high or your other outgoings need reviewing. It's all about choices. We would rather go out for Sunday lunch once a month as a family than have Sky, for example.

@marshmallow95

"I can't shop at Primark because i'm plus size" Primark goes up to a size 20, perhaps you would have more money left at the end of the month if you weren't eating so much! Then you would also be able to buy nice cheap clothes from the majority of stores :)

What a horrible, judgemental, nasty and unhelpful comment!

That's ridiculously controlling of him. I can't imagine a situation when my spouse was the SAHP where I'd want him to need to ask for money or to have 'housekeeping' money. You're being treated like an errant teenager who going to wrack up their parents accounts and unless there is another dripfeed about debts you've incurred, I cannot think of another reason for this kind of set-up other than he wants to control you with that money.

If you're the main carer of the children, you shouldn't have to ask for the child benefit no matter whose name the original claim it is (it's even more ridiculous if it's in your name. I know some fathers including my spouse have it in their name, but those are in unusual situations). That plus amount agreed upon by both of you send to your account at appropriate intervals (weekly or monthly, however you budget best) for your expenses and expenses you're expected to take for the kids is the basic minimum going on. You should also be able to see all the financials for your household.

My 13-year-old has a debit card with some money that is hers to spend without asking me - it's not much, but it's hers. I sometimes send her money to buy things, but anything left over plus her pocket money is hers.

My 16 year old has that plus a budgeting app so he can divide money for his various savings & spending including what he has labeled on his app as 'shiny' that's just for his fun, plus I can send him money that is budgeted on his app for buying things for the household.

For your original question: as others said, it's about being selective and looking around, finding a lifestyle you enjoy that fits your budget, and keeping track in a way that suits. I wouldn't buy tickets that expensive without considering other options first: we make a list of days out ideas, price them up as best we can & discuss how much time & energy they would take, and then come to a choice together. I do similar with my older kids when it comes to the big ticket items and gift-giving.

Also, along with the debts and frugal buying already mentioned, there is also time and support networks. I have friends who can take those lovely pictures because they travel with generous family member(s) or are given things/given a good deal on things by them. My family isn't involved, but I've had things passed onto us or sold to us cheap by friends who were either upgrading or refurbished otherwise dead items for us and having kept hold of them over the years, it looks like we have a lot of things, but very few of them did we spend as much as it looks like. As an example - we have a good dozen consoles, but all but the Switch were refurbishment or passed on jobs. It helps my lodger is a great with electronics, my DS's ancient fourth-hand laptop is held together with duct tape and his technomancer powers.

Credit cards probably.

Yikes that post about it too much is so nasty! And if OP is comfort eating, then I think we can all guess the reason why, it’s her husband.

He sounds an absolute Scrooge. But until you see a spreadsheet detailing all the money going out versus money coming in you have no idea of the situation. If loan repayments and mortgage are high then perhaps there isn't enough money for days out costing £145. If money is genuinely tight because of loans etc then you need to know this. You're not a child asking a parent for extra pocket money.

So, you’ve answered your own question - the other people aren’t being ruled by their husband and are not doled out pocket money.

Does he begrudge spending anything ‘fun’ full stop or just on you and the kids?

I couldn't agree more with this! I try so hard, shopping at Aldi/Lidl, counting the pennies. Yet everyone I know seems to have so much more disposable income!

Sorry just read your first response op. You definitely need to address this. It is so wrong that you're being forced to live off peanuts in holey boots, no cost, and not get to treat your kids to days out, while your oh sits on a pile of money. Financial abuse at its finest. You do realise you'd probably be a hell of a lot better off on your own, with a financial agreement drawn up which would involve him "paying you" a hell of a lot more tha £400 a month, because it costs alot more than that to raise a family. He should be ashamed of himself

I have some very nice clothes, not designer but still expensive ( if id bought it full price). The thing is I buy off ebay, I look for new or hardly worn and get it a lot cheaper than if I went to the shops.

Op I've read your updates so will answer you based on that

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Your husband is controlling and financially abusive. At best he's intentionally ignorant of you not having enough money and would give you more if you asked but knows hes managed to subdue you so much you won't.

But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? We share our money.

I see people on social media
... I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this? Because they're sharing their money, not being given crumbs from the great providers plate.

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!! What happens if you ask him to pay for it?

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'd recommend looking at something like Vinted or FB selling groups, get it out your allowance, make sure you and the kids are fed then tell him you have no money left.

I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59 i think the expensive clothes you keep coming are your way are ignoring the fact your husband is so financially controlling you can't even afford the basics.

There is never a penny left over for us. Have his clothes got holes in too??

Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt? What happens if you tell him he's not giving you enough? Second option is divorce. Seriously, he sounds like a controlling and selfish arse at best

Another thread about a woman being financially abused. The issue obviously isn't income, it's the man you're married to. 50k a year should be plenty for necessities (including adequate clothing) and reasonable entertainment/treats.

The comment about eating too much was fucking cruel and nasty.

i use Tesco points to go on outings out. instead of £28 entrance to Longleat the tesco voucher price is the equivalent to £9.
if you shop at tesco through the year check it out