How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

This is so incredibly sad. My DP and I have a joint account which we both put equal amounts into each month and that covers rent, bills, food and any meals out or days out that we do together.
Recently we haven’t been going out as much so there’s about £100 left in the account. DP told me I should use that money to have my hair done as I deserve to treat myself. Why would you want to be with someone who begrudges you anything for yourself?

I also agree that people often earn more than you imagine. I just say I work in sales if anyone asks and DP is a sports coach, neither of which sound like particularly fancy jobs but we both bring in £60k+ so we have a very high household income.

I know you said you can’t work but if leaving your husband isn’t an option, is there anything you can do from home to earn some personal money for yourself? I’ve seen lots of great ideas on some of the money making threads on here.

@Thepilotlightsgoneout

Trying not to be rude but if he earns £50K and you only have £200 a month left, then somethings going wrong. What are your outgoings? Any way of changing them?

Where we live, our mortgage for somewhere which is far too small for us, costs a grand and we have to pay ground rent/ maintenance fees also.

I can't work despite being desperate to.

Partner earns a similar amount to OP.

If we could live up north we would be singing. But then my partner's job wouldn't exist/ it would be four to six hours of commuting a day.

OP I use SimplyBe and pay back what I spend bit by bit every month. Just don't spend more than you can repay over a few months.

George Asda have very good clothes for reasonable prices. I buy a lot from them

@AnotherEmma

If you can't be arsed to RTFT, at least read the OP's posts.

I don't know what's worst, those still going on about cheaper cardigans or those who think they're the first ones to come with the idea that the DH is financially abusive since the OPs second comment about 150 posts ago.

The problem is that £400ish per month isn't enough for the things he wants it to cover. We can all give you advice about getting yours and the kids things second hand etc, and you might be able to get the spend down a bit, but fundamentally the reason you're struggling is because your husband is either through ignorance or design keeping you short of money.

Does he know your mum has to help, and if not what do you think he would say? Have you ever sat down and talked to him about what things cost? What would happen if you did as a pp suggested and did a really bare bones food shop, showed him what eg £50 per week for 4 looks like?

@PersonaNonGarter

So you have a DH problem not a money problem.

This. Your husband doesn't respect you, or the fact you look after his children.

Good grief! This sounds like the set up my mum had in the 60s! When the " little woman " stayed at home and husband gave her housekeeping.

Its 2020 now, absolutely no excuse for people to be asking their husbands for money. You should not be going without stuff on a salary of 3k a month. Even with a big mortgage that's plenty. I earn similar and we live well.

50k and you can't manage dearie meGet yourself down to Asda a coat will cost £26 and boots £12 Saving up is how most folk manage treats and outings

He's giving you 400£ per month including the child benefit, to cover food, your phone and petrol.
If that is what is agreed then anything else should be budgeted separately. Clothes for anyone, car repairs etc.
You are at home: are both dc still at home?
If you haven't been working recently presumably you aren't wasting hundreds on a fancy phone, so the food is doable: you'll need to agree to budget extra for high days and holidays.
£400 would be considered plenty by most people but it is not extravagant.
You need to redefine your terms with DH: he may be pedantic but if you have receipts to show how much things really cost he should step up.

Meanwhile head over to the frugal threads: as a single parent we lived really cheaply so I could afford expensive extras like music lessons and days out. There are loads of ideas for simple ways to cut your spend on those threads.

This is terrible OP.
My DH and I have a joint account that all our wages go into, which pays for food, house, baby and pet stuff etc., then we each have a personal account, and every month we get a set amount transferred into our personal account, and that is for not-joint stuff like luxuries, buying gifts, clothes for ourselves, drinks with friends etc.
DH recently even said that my new maternity clothes should be paid for from the joint account, as it wasn't my fault my normal clothes don't fit!

your husband is a twat, sorry x

Your 'D'H is financially abusing you.

I have a similar set up to you. I don't work due to health and my husband earns around the same which goes into his account. I only have child benefit going into mine. Difference is my DH pays for absolutely everything. I order the clothes I need online mostly and call him over to stick in his card details, which he does without question. I know he worries about making sure I have everything I need, and on around 50k you should have everything you or your children need, plus a bit extra for stress free fun.

EBay for picking up clothes. A night in a Premier Inn can be as cheap as £30 for a family room booked in advance.

She's a grown woman not a child. She should not be receiving any allowance' she should have access to the finances as his equal. She should not be having to ask for money full stop!

But op said they tried a joint account and he went through every purchase. So if she's going to live with him, she'd be better off just taking a lump sum which is hers to spend as she wants.

There is nothing wrong with getting an allowance from your partner. I personally don't like joint accounts, I like to keep things seperate so I can keep track. As long as the amount you are getting is an agreed amount and enough to live on I can't see a problem with having an allowance. Ops problem is she's not been given enough money, how she gets acsess to the money isn't really as much of an issue.

OP - have you shared with your DH the list of things that your children and you need and how much they cost every month? Has he seen that the money he gives you is not adequate to cover for all of that? You really need him to see what he is giving you is not enough which he should when he has facts and figures in front of him. If he still refuses to part with more money unfortunately you don't need any one else to tell you that he is being financially abusive.

Hi op

Yours clothing has loads of knitwear under £20 and Coates under £30
There's always a sale on

No surprise the op husband is financially abusive.

I was in a similar set up with my ex husband OP. You would financially be so much better off if you split.

I just typed your husband wage into the child maintenance calculator. He would be paying you 637 pounds a month!

That does not also include housing benefit etc you would receive.

Unless there is a genuine reason why the money is all going on bills, like a very high mortgage, the only thing I can conclude from your posts is that your husband is an abusive dickhead who would rather you walk around in leaking shoes than spend any of 'his' money on you. £50k is not a low wage - you should be able to afford a decent coat and shoes easily. Does your DH walk around in ratty old torn clothes?

@NotJustACigar

For clothes and boots try everything5pounds.com it really is a great site. I've been buying loads on there the last couple of months and have received very nice stuff with only a few duds.

Wow, is that a genuine site??? £5?!

@Nancydowns

She's a grown woman not a child. She should not be receiving any allowance' she should have access to the finances as his equal. She should not be having to ask for money full stop!

But op said they tried a joint account and he went through every purchase. So if she's going to live with him, she'd be better off just taking a lump sum which is hers to spend as she wants.

There is nothing wrong with getting an allowance from your partner. I personally don't like joint accounts, I like to keep things seperate so I can keep track. As long as the amount you are getting is an agreed amount and enough to live on I can't see a problem with having an allowance. Ops problem is she's not been given enough money, how she gets acsess to the money isn't really as much of an issue.

I like to think it of it as a budget rather than an allowance.

I don’t work, DH does - we each have an identical budget for our personal expenditures each month, in the same way that we budget for food, bills, clothing and everything else. That’s more sensible to me than us each having unaccounted ‘access’ to the finances each month.

@BoulangerieBabs

@YouokHun I take it you did t actually bother reading the Op's posts about her being financially abused but just waded in with your opinion anyway?

That’s exactly right @BoulangerieBabs I didn’t read that because I’ve been typing and working at the same time and have missed some posts in the process. I stand by my point that questions about financial comparisons are pointless but I’ve now read the OP’s update and now understand that she is not in the dark about other people’s finances but about her own.

@Ilovexmastime35 I agree with the others who say that this is financial abuse. It might be a good idea to speak to a service such as MAS in order to get a objective perspective on what is acceptable and what constitutes abuse because I think it’s difficult to assess when it’s a continuing pattern

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/protecting-against-financial-abuse

I think a lot of us are gobsmacked that your dh is senior management, brings in 3k a month after deductions, and you are complaining that this is barely enough to live on. Even after taking off mortgage and other bills, you will have far more than most of us have to live on!

Days out are expensive, but there are so many places that you can get vouchers for bogof or cheaper entry (vouchers on cereal, frozen food, sauce etc., the list is endless). Take a picnic and drinks to save money too. I also pay into a regular saver each month, which always matures in December, so that I have money for Christmas!

You say you are not frivolous but your money must be going out on something. Do you have expensive tastes? I ask this as you say you can’t get a cardigan under £35 and a coat is £59+! Maybe you need to look elsewhere? My last 2 cardigans have cost me £12 in Asda and £10 in Morrisons, warm coat was under £30 in Sports Direct (I am also plus size). We have far less money than you, but we manage fine, as I shop around and buy accordingly to the money we have.

You really need to sit down and work out where all your money goes. Do you pay for latest iPhone, high phone tariff, new car on hp, shop in more expensive shops etc.? It does sound like you aren’t very good with money, so try to work out where you can save, even if it is only a small amount. My df always used to say “look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves.”

It’s because you want everything- furniture and a car costs money, instead of buying those things people have spent it on days out and clothes- simple.

@Nancydowns exactly - we have an "allowance" each, because having everything joint was making us feel guilty for spending our money on frivolous things (DH paints little models!). Key difference is that we have the same amount to spend, and that that money is just for us. Anything house related for example comes out of the joint account.