How do people afford to buy so much?

[Ilovexmastime35]

Aibu to be confused about where I'm going wrong?! Of course everyone's financial situation is different and for those earning well it is no problem paying out for clothes/shoes etc.
But for low - mid earners, how do you afford things? I see people on social media going out regularly, days out, holidays, clothes, city breaks, seaside trips, buying new technology etc. I know what jobs they do and they are not high earners. How are they doing this?

I want to treat my kids to a day out over half term. I've just looked at booking tickets to a local safari park for 2 adults 2 children. It comes to £145!!
I was looking at a local meet Santa on a train event, £80! We can't do it because if I bought those tickets I wouldn't have any money left for anything else for a month.
I think these prices are extortionate and for low-mid earners most people cannot afford these prices.

I need new clothes, boots and a coat desperately. I'm plus size so cannot shop at Primark. The cheapest I can find is a cardigan is priced £34.99. A coat over £59. I just cannot afford these things! My clothes have holes in and my shoes leak!

Im unable to work at the moment ,but my husband earns just over 50k. After all bills, food, fuel, we have about £200 disposal income to last a month. We don't drink, smoke, we don't eat out or socialise. Our money goes on the children and the house. There is never a penny left over for us.

I think in comparison to wages, most things are priced too high. I'm grateful we have a roof over our heads and can afford food but everthing else seems out of reach!. My husband is senior management, he can't earn any more than he does now. We are not frivolous at all. Any advice on how to afford these things apart from getting into debt?

@Fallsballs that poster is also ok with 15 yo girls dating men in their 20s.

The Santa and Safari Park things sound expensive to me, I probably wouldn't pay those prices, and I'm well off enough that the only difference paying would make to me is that it would reduce the amount of inheritance I leave behind.

OP, you're meant to be a team and you deserve to be treated properly. You may not be earning but I'm sure you put a lot of time and love into the whole family, some of which will mean DH can relax more at various times. You might have clothes, but we all get to a time when they're worn out, looking scruffy, don't fit properly which doesn't do much for our self esteem. Not sure what your DH is like talking about money, but you really need an honest conversation. It might be things are costing more than any of us realise.

Unless your mortage/rent is something like £800/900 there should be more than £200 left over. I guess we're left with a similar amount to you. Admittedly we don't have a mortgage now, but we're giving DD £300 pm for uni costs (in very expensive area), DH gives us £130 pm each (so we both have the same for clothes, going out, treats), on top of which we generally save £600pm. Guess, we could have more each but it's never been an issue. On top of this, we still manage the odd meal out (usually on a deal), day trips (admittedly usually simple drive, walk and picnic or lunch out) and holiday/short break.

Ah ok @Cassilis - a wee hairy handed fella then 😉

Fallsballs i think they are real but with some views

Not answering your question I know but I have come to the conclusion it is just bloody expensive to live these days!

Lots of couple have a combined income (both work). Or max out the credit cards then pay them off over the year. I had a close colleague who used to shop alot and go out alot (e.g. concerts, theatre, date nights, weekends away). I thought that she must be good at saving until she explained that she was in debt (on multiple credit cards).

You think 50k is a Low to mid wage?

Jesus fucking Wept.

You’re definitely being financially abused. Your DH now earns £10k more a year, you were able to get by before this wage increase but yet there’s still no money for things. There’s an extra £10k a year!

Your problem is not how much things cost. It's the fact that your husband is financially abusive.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/protecting-against-financial-abuse

Call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) and/or your local Women's Aid or equivalent.

If you decided to leave him you would be entitled to a fair share of the marital assets (including house equity and his pensions), child maintenance from him, and probably Universal Credit (assuming no savings over £16k).

Meanwhile there is a benefit you might be able to claim whether you stay with him or not. PIP (Personal Independence Payment) - eligibility depends on the nature of your health condition(s), whether long term and the effect on your day-to-day life. I advise you to look into it and if you think you might be eligible, get Citizens Advice or a similar service to help you with the form.
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/pip/before-claiming/check-you-are-eligible/

So you have a DH problem not a money problem.

I'd say go through your outgoings, save money where possible and then agree on an allowance at a more reasonable amount. £500 would be a minium

She's a grown woman not a child. She should not be receiving any allowance' she should have access to the finances as his equal. She should not be having to ask for money full stop!

OP what you're describing is financial abuse as far as I'm concerned. You're a stay at home mum presumably due to a JOINT decision yet still consider it to be HIS money? And you only get money for groceries and have to beg for anything else, making you feel guilty cause you're spending his money? That is pretty gross tbh.

The issue then isn't the cost of things but that you are being financially abused I'm sorry. If your husband won't address this you need to ltb

@Ilovexmastime35

Thanks for all your comments. Haven't read every one yet as had 99 in the space of about 15 minutes!!

A bit more info to give you the reality of my situation.... I don't have access to our money. My husband gives me housekeeping each month to buy the food. I have nothing apart from that. He has the rest. I don't have access to it and I don't have a card to. It. So I do not know the exact figures. But he doesn't want me "wasting" his money. We've always been very low earners and he's only just recently started to earn this and he seems to want to not spend it on anything for me!! He will say I've already got clothes so don't need more for example.
Up until recently he was earning between 25 and 40k a month so we've been very used to living on much less. We've not been able to build up any savings yet.
I usually always use vouchers to take the kids to attractions but because of covid there doesn't seem to be any

This sounds like financial abuse.

Oh and your husband is abusive. There should be no mine or yours, just ours.

I’m on mat leave and get contractual full pay until end of Feb. After that I get nothing until end Sept as I am taking paid holiday from end Aug-Mid Sept so wages will kick back in then. But we discussed it and decided I would take this time unpaid to look after the kids so DH will pay for everything during that time as our finances are effectively joint and I am sacrificing pay to look after our kids. He’s paying fir DC1 to stay in nursery 2 days a week so I’m not overloaded. And that’s how it should be - looking after kids IS a sacrifice and your husband should recognise that

Oh and it's very likely that he's emotionally abusive, too, and not "just" financially abusive.

Read these and see if anything sounds familiar:

www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2268977-The-Abuser-Profiles

The problem with these income threads is that it’s impossible to say much because the assessment of £50k as a lot of money depends on the OP’s circumstances; where you live, what debts you have (car and furniture loan), how big your mortgage is, what expenses you have day to day (eg walking to work versus paying for an annual train season ticket) and what expectations you have of life. Perhaps you’re building a good pension provision unlike many of us.

The feedback you get here also depends on what comparisons we’re all making when we comment. If I earn £200k - oh poor you OP, I don’t know how you cope. If I earn c£10k - stop moaning, you don’t know you’re born. The responses will tell you more about the responders’ finances and attitude to money. It’s all a bit meaningless really.

You might look at others and ask yourself how they manage to spend £200 on a family day out and do a bit of compare and despair but you don’t know whether their granny has left them £100k, if everything they own is on credit, if they’ve been eating beans on toast for three months to afford it or if theBank of Mum & Dad is coughing up regularly. Perhaps you’re comparing your reality to their Facebook edited highlights and if you were actually able to see their bank statements you’d see that they are very careful with money?

If you can't be arsed to RTFT, at least read the OP's posts.

@YouokHun I take it you did t actually bother reading the Op's posts about her being financially abused but just waded in with your opinion anyway?

These posts astound me how many women are prepared to be treated like this? Are we regressing on equality or am I naive?

Depending on your health problems OP could you do some kind of admin/remote secretarial work from home?

Are the kids in school?

I haven't read the whole thread but I agree with you op, things are just too expensive. I've got one pair of jeans and my work share falling apart.

Op this is financial abuse. I'll bet he's building up a nice pot of money for himself whilst you're scrabbling around.
Does he know that your mum is topping up your food budget etc?

Without wanting to insult you - Primark does sizes 4-24. So 95% of women (if not more) will be able to afford cheap clothes and shoes from there or other similar shops. Even second hand clothes will obviously have more choice for people within the median size range. Similarly most families where only one adult works (at least long term), that adult will usually earn a higher wage than £50k. And that's not taking into consideration any variables like your housing costs, etc. and of course your husband's issues - he is clearly just not given you enough money to cover everything you need, and you need to discuss this with him.

So while you are comparing yourself to 'most people' the reality is your circumstances are actually pretty unusual and specific to you (not saying they are your fault!).

Which is why lots of other people seem to have more disposable income than you, because
a) they do! (because they have two people working and their DH isn't a dick
b) they can buy cardigans for £10 rather than £30odd - when multiplied by every item you need to buy this can look like a huge difference when a friend could get a whole new outfit for the price of your one item
c) they can't really but choose to put the things they want on credit, or prioritise buying things over other expenses