What phrases do you love?

[Beaverdam100]

Mine are

Off you pop cunty chops
Get ya rat out

I've never used them but I laugh whenever i read them.

My Gran - I might have been born at night but it wasn't last night

Tight as a duck’s arse.

So tight he could peel an orange in his pocket.

He could eat an apple through a tennis racket.

Sweating like a pregnant nun.

One eye’s off to the shops and the other’s coming home with the change.

White as a ginger bird’s arse (I’m allowed to use this, as a ginger bird).

Big enough to fill a pram (when questioned about erm, willy size).

More than a handful’s a waste (small boobs).

Remembered a couple today

She's all fur coat and no knickers that one.

Got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle

Oh and he's got a face like a slept in duvet

'Shakin like a shittin dog' ..in my head it's always said in Peter Kay's accent,so assuming I heard from him first.

He's got a degree in bollocksology (for someone talking out their arse)

Put t' wood in th' ole (shut the door)

Well I'll go t' foot of our stairs! (I'd never have believed that)

Were you made in Pilks? (similar to above, if you're not made of Pilkington's glass get out of the way of the telly!)

‘S/he’s a one-way trip to the funny farm waiting to happen.’

‘She’d give her arse away and shit through her ribs’ - used to describe someone of easy virtue.

‘Tits for the telly; face for the radio’ - good body but paper bag-worthy face.

‘Fine words butter no parsnips.’

‘Thought followed a muck cart because it thought it was the carnival’.

‘I could eat the hind legs off a scabby donkey.’

‘Is there a war on?’ - used by me when my mother doesn’t put enough milk in my tea 😁

I’ve also heard of a thick but well-hung man being nicknamed ‘Bungalow’ - as in nothing upstairs but more than average downstairs...

There's some great ones on this thread! I like to daft lad. As in don't daft lad me. Meaning you're acting like I'm daft and trying to get one over on me type thing.

Fuck it off. Like not do something or cancel plans.

A geordie one, up a hight. Meaning hyper, really happy or really anxious. Context is everything!

“A bunch of cunts”

About as much good as a chocolate teapot

Who took the jam out of your doughnut?

Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

It's hard to soar with eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys

@WishingOnACarrot

Not my circus, not my monkeys

I'll probably remember this

Limp as a dishrag (tea towel)
Could eat corn through a picket fence (American)

If it was a snake it would have bitten me/you

Said when finding something despite looking in the same place before. Reminds me of my ex boss, he is south african and had many a turn of phrase and a true gentlemen

How dya like them apples?

Often said to my dogs if offering them a w.a.l.k

Codi pais ar ôl piso.

Welsh for lifting the petticoat after having a piss.

Mad as a box of frogs

'got a face like a dropped pie'

Rips ma knitting

Wind yer neck in

Away and take yer face fur a shite

You make a better door than a window.

Shit in yer hat.

My cup runneth over (said dryly).

Face like a bag of smashed crabs.

Well, that just about puts the tin lid on it (again, said dryly).

“Shut the front door.“ Usually said by 15yo DS.

He's/she's/It's doing my tree in /doing my head in
(Someone/something is annoying me)

Yeah, and if me auntie had balls she'd be me uncle: In response to someone talking about a pointless 'what if'.
Shitting through the eye of a needle: The runs

Body from baywatch, face from crimewatch is my all time favourite!!

Face like a melted wellie