What phrases do you love?

[Beaverdam100]

Mine are

Off you pop cunty chops
Get ya rat out

I've never used them but I laugh whenever i read them.

It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits!

Like shit in a field (when someone is everywhere. Example: Joel Dommett)

That went down like Paul Gadd at Mothercare (of a disgusting drink)

Danger Zoom (video conference with no bottoms on)

So disappointing George Ezra/Ed Sheeran/Lewis Capaldi wrote a song about it (also works with tedious/depressing/agonising etc)

Just appending anything vaguely provocative with "as it were"/"that's what she said"/"ooh er"

Hung like a Grand National winner
Who pissed on your chips?
It's a pissabolity
Never trust a fart
Needs must when the devil vomits in your kettle (stolen from Blackadder)
Gordon Bennett

That went down like a turd in a swimming pool

1. "gonnae no dae that? “

how?

"just... Gonnae no?"

2: "i managed to do all my housework today before my cleaner came in, and made scones for my book club before I left to go to my yoga class"

“did ye, aye? " 😏

This is why we can’t have nice things
So it is (I had a Northern Irish boyfriend who said that a lot)
Mad as a spoon
If that’s X, then I’m Y
Bonkers conkers (my mum says that)
Not for me, Clive
Bring it on

My gran used to say ‘what’s that got to do with the price of fish?’

Weird as a bottle of chips

More brains in a false face

@ShowOfHands

Tilting at windmills.

What does it mean ?

All talk and no trousers.

(Quite appropriate with all the Zoom meetings these days.)

Mad as a fish in a bush.

Anyone who takes two sniffs of that is a greedy sod (if someone farts).

A face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle.

Did you now? (A bit like, ‘did you, aye?’ up thread).

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket.

You look like you’ve seen your arse.

Where I grew up "now then" was the standard greeting & literally covered every emotional situation. still love it.

In reference to Laurence fox the tweet "looks like a freshly wanked cock" made me snort tea & gratifyingly had same effect on DH.

@ventanaperrito

It means to fight imaginary enemies and can be cutting and whimsical in equal measure.

grammarist.com/idiom/tilting-at-windmills/

If you can fill the unforgiving minute with 60 seconds worth of distance run.

Never fails to get me up off my arse!

A dick move

Couple of Australian ones.
She'll be apples - it'll be fine.
I'm not here to fuck flies - I'm not here to mess around. Let's get on with it.

I also use flat chat a lot which means being really busy.

@LunaNorth

Anyone who takes two sniffs of that is a greedy sod (if someone farts).

splurts coffee everywhere

@Ihatesandwiches

Opinions are like bum holes. Every one has them. Never used it, but love it!

Yep - or even...

Opinions are like bumholes; everyone has one and no one thanks you for showing them yours, unless they've asked to see it.

Mad as a box of frogs
Numpty

I was like a tramp eating chips (very hungry)
Up and down like a pair of whore's knickers (mostly internet related)
Slower than a week in the jail (again mostly internet)
I wouldn't show her where a bird's nest is (someone who can't keep a secret)
Smells worse than a wet tramp on a hot day.

Apologies to mine being heavy on tramps.

"Perfectly splendid"

Work wonders and shit cucumbers, said by my mother when she had a lot of work to do.
Thick as shit in a bucket, when someone is a bit slow on the uptake.
They must think folk are people if a shop is a bit on the expensive side.
She looked at me as if I'd shit in her handbag, if someone was a bit snotty.
This'll not get the bairn a new bonnet if someone has work to do but is sitting down when they should be busy.

"couldn't stop a pig in a ginnel" - my wonderful nana talking about my brother's bandy legs 😂

Peeling an orange in his pocket (mean)

I thought it was Opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one and most of them stink