To refuse to attend?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Non-covid safe meet up happening tomorrow teatime for my nephews 10th birthday. Indoors (confirmed) and over 6 people. We are in a Tier 2 area. Dhs side of the family.

I've already told dh I'm not attending and, I would prefer our 2 dc not to go either. I need to keep our kids at school, they've lost too much time at school and also, whenever their bubble bursts (happened once already since Sept) it's me that then works from home while they are off.

He seems to think I'm being rude by not attending. I think he is the one with the issue as he isn't complying with the rules, and doesn't respect my decision not to go.

I've acknowledged with him that I have no right to tell him what he can and can't do, nor can I actually stop him taking our children. But that I would prefer our dc don't attend either.

He says " we will only be there 20 minutes". So what's the point in taking the dc? They won't appreciate being dragged away so soon after arriving.

Anyways, I'm the rude one. Apparently.

Rude perhaps if you cancelled last minute having said yes, but not in this case.

"Its against the law" is a pretty reasonable reason not to go

Can you get get in touch with the parents to explain then send a gift and card? You're not being selfish, just sensible. It's because people are breaking the rules then making excuses that infection rates are so high.

I don't understand your 'non covid safe' comment.

What do you mean?

If they are in Tier 2 they cannot have 6 people indoors.

They are breaking the law so why do you need any excuse or feel the need to apologise.

Tell them straight.

Your H is an idiot.

Tell him he will be the one to take time off work/work from home if they have to isolate.

Are you suggesting that as no one in the group has Covid symptoms, you are calling it a 'non-covid and safe meeting'?

You do know that's ridiculous as 70% of people who have covid have no symptoms.

Yup, tell them straight. Against the law, and even if it wasn't, with a chance of messing up your dc' education which has got to be a higher priority than this one birthday party.

The dc and i would not be going end of conversation. What he choses to do is up to him.

Non covid safe is presumably the opposite to covid safe (as in workplaces etc)
I wouldn't go as not allowed and I'd feel ridiculous if I got covid subsequently and have to self isolate, tell the contact tracers, DC miss school etc for the sake of a child's birthday

Non covid safe:- indoors, more than six, no room to socially distance indoors.

If he decides to take them he accepts responsibility for any fines, isolating and illness.

I think the op saying non covid safe means that it hasn't been organised to be 'covid safe' as most places seem to be using that term to show they're complying with the rules

If he decides to take them he accepts responsibility for any fines, isolating and illness

I will certainly be insisting he takes leave to cover any illness or self isolation that comes from this (if it does).

The fine is a toughie as we have a joint account.

It is against the law.

I think you really mean it's NOT safe, rather than non Covid safe.

The rule in Tier 2 is not meeting anyone indoors other than your own household.

It's not even about 6. You can't have anyone who is not already in your home.

Official tier two advice states: 'You must not meet socially with friends and family indoors in any setting unless you live with them or have formed a support bubble with them.' This means that you may not meet with people from outside your household indoors, including in private homes and pubs and restaurants

Who do this family think they are having a kid's party when it's against the law?

People like this make my blood boil.

Me too.

Their argument is it's "family only" - but it's quite an extrapolated family (step ad half siblings, grandparents each have new partners, etc)

They are idiots. It's not family- it's only the people who live at that address all of the time.

Ask him straight up why he doesn't love his dc enough to make every effort to keep them safe...

how many people due to attend op? as your dc and partner and the nephew is 4...his parents mean 6....who else?

sounds like it will MASSIVELY exceed 6

OP I basically wrote an identical post earlier this week!

I stood firm and said I wasn't going. Luke you I would have preferred if DS also didn't go, but actually there's no way to stop this without causing a bigger issue.

There were meant to be 10 of us from 3 households meeting up, so I suggested meeting households separately in a way that meant we were no more than 6... This seemed to solve the issue in the end (after much debate!)

Not sure what the numbers and household makeup is in your situation, but could you arrange to meet the birthday boy separately later in the week outdoors? Maybe bypass DH altogether and message nephews parents with something like "really sorry I can't make it to the party, I'm just not comfortable breaking the rules. Are you free to meet in the park on X day, would love to catch up and see the birthday boy"

As long as an alternative is suggested it can't be said you're being difficult

It’s illegal, doesn’t matter if it’s family or not. Your husband is being an idiot.

YANBU

It’s utterly ridiculous....and illegal!

Presuming it’s family and all ages too which seems to be one of the main causes of cross infection.

Can you compromise and say you’ll come a bit earlier and give presents in the garden and leave before anyone else arrives?

Your husband does understand that the rule of 6 doesn’t apply in tier 2 areas?? It’s NO inside meetings AT ALL. He needs to read the rules.

I suggested they meet in their garden, on a different day or time so that they would be 6 (I would sit out due to numbers) but no.... this isn't a suitable suggestion as the hosts wouldn't sit outside in the cold/wet.

@DoesThisMakeSence

The dc and i would not be going end of conversation. What he choses to do is up to him.

This.