To refuse to attend?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Non-covid safe meet up happening tomorrow teatime for my nephews 10th birthday. Indoors (confirmed) and over 6 people. We are in a Tier 2 area. Dhs side of the family.

I've already told dh I'm not attending and, I would prefer our 2 dc not to go either. I need to keep our kids at school, they've lost too much time at school and also, whenever their bubble bursts (happened once already since Sept) it's me that then works from home while they are off.

He seems to think I'm being rude by not attending. I think he is the one with the issue as he isn't complying with the rules, and doesn't respect my decision not to go.

I've acknowledged with him that I have no right to tell him what he can and can't do, nor can I actually stop him taking our children. But that I would prefer our dc don't attend either.

He says " we will only be there 20 minutes". So what's the point in taking the dc? They won't appreciate being dragged away so soon after arriving.

Anyways, I'm the rude one. Apparently.

@DoesThisMakeSence

The dc and i would not be going end of conversation. What he choses to do is up to him.

I just find this so odd. His decisions (and potential exposure to Covid) affect the whole family.

Me and DH agree what is acceptable to both of us (and for our DC's). If we disagree after discussion then we go with the more risk averse decision.

I wouldn’t be going, and neither would my kids. End of discussion. I couldn’t give two shits about ‘looking rude’ - it’s breaking the law, and risking my child’s health.

It’s because of selfish idiots like this that my dd can only have 13 wedding guests. And I’m willing to bet there will be more than 13 at this birthday party.
I hope they all get fined.

I'd make it very clear that if the children end up having to isolate, HE will be at home with them, working or not.

And if by chance a fine is forthcoming, then HE will be taking on a second job to pay it; it's not coming out of family finances permanently.

I wonder how soon it will be OP, before your area is a tier 3?

At least if they have to SI as a consequence then so does DH. He can manage all of that with dc and I can go out.

Twat. He hates being stuck indoors.

That’s the issue really isn’t it. This is the excuse for a jolly that he’s been looking for. I’d tell him if he goes, he goes alone, and he’d better find somewhere else to self-isolate for a fortnight after.

You mention that you can't stop him from bringing the children, but you absolutely CAN when it's a matter of their health and wellbeing!!! Not to mention the health and wellbeing of others, as children are often asymptomatic. YANBU in the slightly, you're being very sensible and your husband needs to realise that it would be irresponsible to go.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Me too.

Their argument is it's "family only" - but it's quite an extrapolated family (step ad half siblings, grandparents each have new partners, etc)

Since when did the virus decide not to spread to other people just because they are family? Truly idiotic argument.

Hold your nerve OP. People have no right to pressurise others to break rules.

You mention that you can't stop him from bringing the children, but you absolutely CAN when it's a matter of their health and wellbeing!!

How do you suggest I physically prevent it?

Urgh as I'm stuck in Tier 3 he is being a complete dick!!!

Have they not heard of a gazebo and patio heater and some going in the morning and some the afternoon???

He seems to think I'm being rude by not attending

Tell him that expecting people to attend and risk getting infected and fined is much, much ruder. He would be much more sensible just to send a message saying "I assume you've had to cancel the party, pity about that, let's get together once we're out of Tier 2" - and leave it at that.

nor can I actually stop him taking our children

Of course you can, you say "DH, stop being such an epic spanner, they aren't going." Personally I would add "and neither are you", but thats up to you

How do you suggest I physically prevent it?

If you're saying that he would bodily remove them from you, you have much bigger problems that a birthday party.

Suggest 10 mins garden visit day before the other visitors to drop off present and say happy birthday so nobody can claim being rude.

I think he is the one with the issue as he isn't complying with the rules, and doesn't respect my decision not to go.

YANBU.

And your DH's way of thinking is why we're ALL at risk from a more restrictive lockdown.

I've had it up to my eyeballs with stupid self-centred unthinking people. Evidence of the transmission of COVID-19 suggests it is in prolonged (more than 15 minutes) indoors close contact without masks or social distancing.

But it’s against the law?

How can he expect your children to obey the law in future if doesn’t obey it now.

He may not agree with the law, he may think that it’s a foolish law but it is the law

Of course he shouldn't be going or taking the children. It's illegal.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

OP do you think dh feels pressurised by his family to attend and he thinks he will “lose face” if he refuses or upset someone?

Are all of his side of the family ok with meeting up? Are they still meeting on a regular basis anyway? (I have work colleagues in tier 3 doing this as they think it’s family so ok, it does my head in).

Are you and dh generally on different pages in regards to covid, or is it just related to this one event?

Does dh usually disregard your opinion completely, or is it just this one event?

How important is a 10th bday anyway? What’s wrong with popping in with a pressie in the garden or zoom calling and singing happy birthday?

I do feel for you, as it must be causing some resentment.

tell if he goes you'll call the cops and report an illegal gathering.

Your husband is a law breaking dick - don’t drag the children into it!

Your husband-and his family-are idiots.

How will the parents of the birthday child feel I wonder if several members then become ill and/or die?

He’s breaking the law and being a negligent parent. No he must not take them - just as he must not drive drunk with them in the car (or at all). Refuse cooperate and say very clearly they must not go. Households are not allowed to mix indoors. This is domestic abuse.

Your DH is an idiot and it shows why men are more likely to catch COVID 19 because the rules don't apply to them for some reason.

Disclaimer - I'm not a scientist.