To refuse to attend?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Non-covid safe meet up happening tomorrow teatime for my nephews 10th birthday. Indoors (confirmed) and over 6 people. We are in a Tier 2 area. Dhs side of the family.

I've already told dh I'm not attending and, I would prefer our 2 dc not to go either. I need to keep our kids at school, they've lost too much time at school and also, whenever their bubble bursts (happened once already since Sept) it's me that then works from home while they are off.

He seems to think I'm being rude by not attending. I think he is the one with the issue as he isn't complying with the rules, and doesn't respect my decision not to go.

I've acknowledged with him that I have no right to tell him what he can and can't do, nor can I actually stop him taking our children. But that I would prefer our dc don't attend either.

He says " we will only be there 20 minutes". So what's the point in taking the dc? They won't appreciate being dragged away so soon after arriving.

Anyways, I'm the rude one. Apparently.

I don't understand why it's o.k. even for him to go. If he suggested going to a heroin party or a firearms exchange meeting, or a meet to share out the loot from a robbery, it would be a risk to him and therefore to your family. He would be involved in something illegal and the resulting prosecution and conviction would affect you.

If one of his mates or family he proposed to meet had just lied his way back into the country after potentially being in an Ebola area, even though he was supposed to isolate, would he think it o.k. ? Would you? Would you let him back into the house, possibly to kill you and the children with Ebola? Covid isn't any less serious, to those it kills, is it? And being young or fit is absolutely not enough to make anyone covid proof. (Today a covid denier, an extremely healthy young fitness coach, died in hospital somewhere I didn't notice the name of) I would say it is unwise to let the man come in and out of your home, knowing he doesn't think it important to protect himself and therefore his family.

How do you suggest I physically prevent it

Take them somewhere else when he is supposed to be going?

It's amazing that people think seeing relatives at a specific time and place is more important than looking after your health and following rules when it would be easy to see them at some other time, within the rules.

Tell the relatives you will see them outside and they need to buy some warm clothes and an umbrella...

just take the kids out somewhere-you cant stop him but you can stop your kids going

"I need to keep our kids at school, they've lost too much time at school and also, whenever their bubble bursts (happened once already since Sept) it's me that then works from home while they are off."

I'd be making it crystal clear that you will not be carrying any of the fallout that his behaviour brings to your door. So -

1. If the kids have to be off school, it is he who will be off with them, not you working from home. And he will be home-schooling them, not parking them in front of the TV.

1. If he goes down and you and the kids are OK, he will be self isolating for the fortnight with birthday boy's parents - he does NOT get to infect you and them!

You may not be able to physically stop them going, but you can be loud and verbal and repeatedly point out he is being a fuckwit. (I might use a different word in front of the children.)

How do your children feel about it all anyway? Would they want to risk being kept off school again? And what ages are they?

Have you asked the relatives to cancel the party because it breaks the rules and they are putting you all in a difficult position? Or are they too selfish?

Hide his car keys, take the kids to the park at that time, or maybe just explain he is being utterly irresponsible and you will not have him take them there. Then serve the divorce papers!

No he wouldn't forcibly remove them, I've zero doubt about that. We've parented 50/50 since the beginning and never really had anything we've not been on the same page on.

I will be reminding him this afternoon that if anyone from the gathering gets covid then he is stuck in for 14 days with the dc.

I would just remind him that it is against the law and if anyone reports the party, then he will get fined.

He is not setting a good example to the DC either. Why should they follow laws in future if their father doesn't?

YANBU. It breaks the rules. Nothing rude about it, you’re just being responsible.

It’s clear that the OP means “ non Covid-safe” rather than “non Covid, safe”.
OP it’s against the law. Don’t go and don’t allow your DC to go either.

You need to remind him that it’s against the law!!!

@Zofloramummy

It’s illegal, doesn’t matter if it’s family or not. Your husband is being an idiot.

This, absolutely this! These supposedly harmless ‘family’ gatherings are partly to blame for our second wave. Why do so many ridiculous people think they are above the law?

Hide his car keys, take the kids to the park at that time, or maybe just explain he is being utterly irresponsible and you will not have him take them there. Then serve the divorce papers!

Overreaction, much?! The world has gone mad. Suggesting divorce over relatively minor rule-breaking, in the grand scheme of life. Would you get a divorce if he was caught speeding too? Some people...

Obviously YANBU to not go, OP.

Every time someone makes the choice that one little party etc won’t make a difference we get closer to a lockdown Christmas.

Tier 2 areas can't go into other's houses, only private gardens, where the rule of 6 would then apply. So it's illegal and none of them should be going. There's a reason this virus isn't going away

You both need to be happy/comfortable about something that involves your DC or it doesn't happen.
My DC would NOT be going.

I'd tell him you hope someone doesn't call the cops as you and the DC wave him off.

Sorry

Report the venue?

Gabsalot has it. Taking your dcs out when they’re supposed to be going there is a good idea.

Why would you risk your children’s health for a birthday party?

Every time someone makes the choice that one little party etc won’t make a difference we get closer to a lockdown Christmas.

This. If my DH was willing to put our DC's health, my health not to mention his own at risk to avoid having a slightly difficult conversation with his family I would definitely lose some respect for him.

@Goostacean

Hide his car keys, take the kids to the park at that time, or maybe just explain he is being utterly irresponsible and you will not have him take them there. Then serve the divorce papers!

Overreaction, much?! The world has gone mad. Suggesting divorce over relatively minor rule-breaking, in the grand scheme of life. Would you get a divorce if he was caught speeding too? Some people...

Obviously YANBU to not go, OP.

Would you go @Goostacean?

@Zippy1510 I think you mean ‘why would he‘

I’m so glad DH and I are as risk averse as each other.
When we are having to go to a memorial in shifts to adhere to the rule of 6, hearing about people who can’t decline party invites is a bit galling.

OP I would suggest you tell him you are not going.
You ask him not to take the DC.
I agree with those saying that what he does is largely up to him. I hope he’s embarrassed attending alone.

He's a colossal idiot.

' He thinks the family will be annoyed. Will he also think it's slightly impolite to kill other people and their children? When he or your children carry infection to vulnerable fellow pupils, their parents, their teachers, their children, their vulnerable relatives? One asymptomatic carrier permitted back into the country infected another in a virus free country (...Taiwan?) simply by getting into, then leaving, the same lift, before the other woman entered it. The first woman stayed in her flat for a fortnight, but although the second woman was also covid compliant, with strictly limited activities over the next few weeks, 71 other people were infected, three died.