Sweets in graveyard...?

[LadyHalesBroach]

I’ll set the scene...

Currently sat at a table having coffee in Kew Gardens enjoying five mins peace.

Table next to me are a bunch can of SWLondon Mums.

“Isn’t it sad that Tarquin and Hyacinth-Petunia (I think those were the names...) can’t go trick or treating this year, poor darlings.”

“I’m taking them to the graveyard and hiding sweets behind all gravestones instead.”

I’m sat here like what?! Maybe it’s because I recently lost my mum, but if someone came and stuck haribo on her gravestone, I would a)kick off either child or parent and b) eat her sweets.

Or am I being over precious?

@Antonov

@Whiskyinajar

YANBU but my Gran who died 25 years ago would probably be tickled by the idea of sweets hidden behind her gravestone for children to find.

you know I am pretty sure that all 3 of my grandparents that I knew, would like the idea of kids playing round their graves, and my own parents, who are now in their late 70s would love the idea of us comig to picnic at the grave. (Mind you, my mum would probably think it very funny to appear as a ghost to any teens hanging round)

It is interesting isn't it how people see these places differently.
I don't think it is disrespectful for children to play around graves. To me they are part of the community.
Maybe it is because I have often lived in villages and attended the church. Most village churches have their graveyards round them, and after the service people stand around and chat and kids play in the 'garden' of the church, which is the graveyard

If it was my grave I shouldn't mind at all. My grandma wouldn't have either.

Probably not safe though.

I’m a SW London mum, none of my kids have names like Petunia, I don’t know any that do. Why not just say middle class mums, as that’s what you mean?

How weird is this, sweets behind gravestones. This may attract mice, rats badgers rabbits and foxes, who frequently wander around graveyards .I wonder if they will post a picture on facebook, with Jelly babies, Snickers bars and Fruit gums, festooned on a headstone. !

I’m a SW London mum and as much a twunt as the rest of em... still wouldn’t go trick or treating in a graveyard.

Waves at fellow N/W/E/S London mums who get the stereotype...

That is a bit odd tbh and wrong of her! Saying that I’ve recently lost my grandad. If he was looking down (maybe he is who knows what lies after death) I’m sure he’d love it! He loved all his grandchildren and great grandchildren but offensive for the living relatives running around a graveyard yes and just a bit weird!

I was always told from a young to watch where I’m walking in graveyards and not to walk across them. Running around for sweets not ideal.

[quote baobun]@Grilledaubergines I'm sure they are popular in Surrey, darling! [/quote]
I guarantee not!

Provided it was physically safe and didn't have recent graves I wouldn't have a problem with this.
But I have lived in areas where graves were treated very differently and bringing food and drink to graves was considered normal.
I think it is a positive thing if older graveyards are used communal spaces provided the gravestones and people aren't damaged.

@Butterer West Norwood is still an active cemetery - there is an area up near the crematorium which has modern memorials etc. However, as one of the Magnificent Seven it also has a lot of very impressive Victorian memorials. My favourite bit is right at the top of the hill furthest away from the gates where there is a Greek necropolis filled with lots of family vaults that are mini temples.

It is the only large green space in the area so it is often full of families with children letting off steam and collecting blackberries near the catacombs which are ominously large and luscious....

It would be very securely locked before the trick and treaters were out though.

If it was a really old graveyard with no graves likely to hold loved ones of anyone passing through because everyone has been dead 100+ years, it wouldn’t bother me. But no, the actual council cemetery, it’s not at all okay.

Culturally inappropriate in a churchyard (or other place with Christian burials) because of the link with ghosts which are not in Christian doctrine.

Would they do this on their own grandma's grave, I wonder?

@MatildaTheCat

I recently lost my Dad and he had a natural burial. If I heard that kids were running around playing ghosts over his body I’d be pretty horrified.

Sorry for your loss OP.

@OhCaptain It’s a bit like saying Dublin 4.

Don’t know what happened there. I’m all thumbs this week.

Sorry to hear so many on this thread have also lost loved ones recently, sorry if the thought of trick or treaters on graveyards hit a nerve and was upsetting.

And on the very very slim off chance... fuck you Daily Mail and all that you stand for you heinous excuse for journalists

That's a horrible idea. It's disrespectful. Plenty of things they can do at home or outside that don't involve graveyards.

“I dont think any activity in a graveyard is particularly suitable for kids, unless they are attending a burial or visiting a grave of a loved one. “

I’m not condoning using a cemetery as a playground or Halloween theme park, it’s crass. But I visit one with my children quite often if we’re walking in that area - they like to look at the stones, talk about the different military insignia on the war graves, talk about local history, work out how old people were and generally find it interesting. We stay out of the “recent” section, keep well away from other visitors or mourners and we stick to walking on paths. I really don’t see how that is remotely inappropriate.

I think it’s lovely when graveyards are communal spaces where people walk, sit, picnic and play. OK - not Halloween tricks (a bit crass / inse sitive to be a scary Halloween) - but otherwise, I don’t see the problem.

It's disgusting and completely unacceptable to suggest doing that.

I don't agree with pps' comments about it being more okay if the people buried there are long dead. They gravestones are still the resting places of deceased people. It is disrepectful to play at any cemetary.

Also, did this conversation actually take place OP? Or is it some kind of made-up story for 'comedic' reverse snobbery?

When Maragret Mcmillan was starting up playgroups her first was in a disused graveyard. Saying that I went to a war cemetary in nothern france, the ground is still trenched and kids were running through them, can,t blame them I ,m sure I would have done too at that age but yes it felt wrong. So I do get you.

HelpIcantfindaname I do the same with my daughter who was born sleeping. It makes me smile to think of life around her and children playing around her. I like to think she is with her brothers and sisters lost to miscarriage and often take sweets for them or presents etc. It's never crossed my mind to think people might be offended by sweets on her grave or my living children playing by it. I welcome people to confront me about it and I can tell them who I have lost and why I do what I do.

Yes it absolutely happened, no the kids weren’t called Tarquin and Hyacinth.

And in case the mum is on Mumsnet, I liked your mustard puffa jacket and yes I am the woman sat on the table opposite dribbling tea out of her nose in shock.

@WaterOffADucksCrack - for day of the dead in Mexico, you take your loved one’s favourite drink, food etc to their grave (and leave it there). More personalised than flowers and the whole family goes and it’s like a party / celebration atmostphere