Sweets in graveyard...?

[LadyHalesBroach]

I’ll set the scene...

Currently sat at a table having coffee in Kew Gardens enjoying five mins peace.

Table next to me are a bunch can of SWLondon Mums.

“Isn’t it sad that Tarquin and Hyacinth-Petunia (I think those were the names...) can’t go trick or treating this year, poor darlings.”

“I’m taking them to the graveyard and hiding sweets behind all gravestones instead.”

I’m sat here like what?! Maybe it’s because I recently lost my mum, but if someone came and stuck haribo on her gravestone, I would a)kick off either child or parent and b) eat her sweets.

Or am I being over precious?

Not sure if it’s still like that, but there used to be a play park in Twickenham where the grave stones had just been leant up around the walls at the edges to make the space to put in swings etc.

My 6yo loves our local church grave yard. No one has been buried there in over 100 years.

Yes I am planning to take her and our next door neighbours DD there for a 'spooky' Halloween walk at dusk. As there is a field just beyond, the girls will see the bats 🦇 and use torches in the field (they l love this) there are loads of bats and it's good fun.
No sweeties though.

That is a vile idea. It really is disrespectful to people who have family in the graveyard. Even if it's an historical Cemetery living relatives can still have connections to it. I cringe at fake gravestones in gardens but probably because so many neighbours have lost spouses where I live

Well, I'm on the fence.

Our local village church has no new actual graves, but does allow new remebrance plaques for cremations.
The graveyard is quite 'natural' lots of spring bulbs and only the paths mown.

Every spring there is an easter egg hunt in the graveyard organised by the church. Eggs hidden on graves etc.
The whole village wnaders down and joins in, even people who never go to church.

No-one thinks it is disrespectful to have kids runnign round the graves, if anything it feels like the place is wanted, loved and appreciated.

I realise that Hallowe'en is a little different, I'm not a fan of Hallowe'en anyway, but kids in graveyards - I don't think it is disrespectful

While I do think it's risky if they don't know the graveyard well - many of them have headstones that aren't stable as a pp said - I actually don't think it's that bad of an idea in theory.

It doesn't fit with current British ideas of what a cemetery is (which may be why so many are in such bad states), but cemeteries have a long history of being public spaces, not just for mourning and hiding the dead. Plenty of places around the world have traditions including eating at graves and it's not that unheard of in many places for kids to play in graveyards. It can be seen as a way to connect the joys of living with their dead, to keep their memories alive.

I think it would be great if cemeteries could be made safe enough for more public use. I don't think that's going to happen in the UK any time soon, there is still very much this attitude that death is only a very serious thing to be avoided seeing or mentioning any more than absolutely required. As someone from very different traditions, I find that sad and the idea of finding sweets in a graveyard a rather interesting twist on offerings shared with the dead.

@OnlyToWin I know what you mean. There's a beautiful old Victorian cemetery near me and I've always enjoyed a wander through it looking at all the old stones but it does feel a bit wrong.

@BlusteryShowers nothing wrong with walking through and admiring the beauty, but the for the run I mentioned it was suggested more like a spooky thing to do, that’s what seemed a bit wrong - the idea that once you’re dead you suddenly become something to be feared.

steppemum I think that Easter tradition sounds really sweet. I agree that it can make the place seem far more cared for and connected to the community compared to most British graveyards which feel very disconnected and almost purposefully offputting to be in.

It's why my funeral plans involve a natural burial with tree markers in an area that's frequently used by walkers and others. I'd hate for what remains of me to be stuck where people don't want to be.

I don,t think it,s sucha a bad idea. But weather you agree or not to don,t need to be a snob. I rather kids did that then trick and treat.

I think the Halloween aspect is rather ghoulish.

I used to drink cider with my mates in the local churchyard.

Very depraved by M’net standards, and I have a toilet brush an all

Sweets in a graveyard not ok.

The rest... mmmm bit (or a lot) of artistic licence/creativity going on there!

But nothing wrong with a theoretical thread I guess.

@baobun

Oh & as a born & raised SW Londoner the only people I know with dc names like that aren't from SW London. They just spend a bit of time here in between the home counties 😁

Think you’d be hard pushed to find anyone calling their kids those names in the Home Counties either.

YANBU re hiding sweets in a graveyard. YABU with regard to your reverse snobbery though. No way on earth were the kids called the names you suggest, which just highlights how judgemental your post is with regard to background and upbringing. Did you ask them where they were from? Kew Gardens has quite a wide visitor catchment you know.

SW London mums 🤣 I am North London so I totally get it!!!

Totally tastless and I dont think any activity in a graveyard is particularly suitable for kids, unless they are attending a burial or visiting a grave of a loved one. Totally disrespectful but I doubt they care much, just something to plaster on their facebook and Tapestry journal!

I've had picnics, teen drinking and sex in graveyards. Not on graves though. They were hangout places in my part of Ireland.
I dont find it disrespectful if not on actual graves.

@Pelleas

YANBU - cemeteries aren't playgrounds.

Not a safe place, either - old tombstones can be unstable.

Then if dear Tarquin gets injured by climbing all over the tombstones she'll be able to sue, she'll be in clover, job done.

If I were one of those kids I wouldn't be going there for all the candy in the world.
Esspecially not after dark.

Could it be ironically meant? Were they joking? I can't imagine anyone actually wanting to do this. It's rather morbid and disrespectful.

@Grilledaubergines I'm sure they are popular in Surrey, darling!

When I go I want my gravestone to be in the shape of a seat so people can come and sit on me!

I'd rather be remembered by the living than tiptoed around and ignored.

Our local graveyard is often grazed by sheep, which is lovely too. Surely it's better to use the space, remember the dead, than to treat it as some kind of sacrosanct place where nobody ever goes? (Depends on the age of the cemetary, I suppose, wouldn't like to think of graves with recent occupants or extant loved ones who may object being used like this).

sex in graveyards

I'm not a fan of al fresco sex in general however I could never do this. It's a horror film no-no & I would never be able to relax! 😁

No they really weren’t call Hyacinth or Tarquin, it was a joke, although I think maybe one was Geraldo.

I recently lost my Dad and he had a natural burial. If I heard that kids were running around playing ghosts over his body I’d be pretty horrified.

Sorry for your loss OP.

I consider graveyards to be a solemn place so I would find this disrespectful. I am intrigued by old graveyards and do like to have a look at the names and marvel at how many people are buried in the one grave plot (unusual in my culture).

I think it is distasteful to have a party in a graveyards or hide sweets behind someone's tombstone and would bollocking anyone who tried that around my grandparents gravestones. It isn't as bad if they are doing it on their own family members graves though and I appreciate different cultures have a different take on this.