Birthday effort from partner?

[Welshmiss38]

In quite a new relationship with someone that’s been a friend for years.. we have been together now for around 5 months, it’s my birthday today as he’s made no effort at all.. A generic card he’s left the £2 sticker on and a second hand teddy bear.. he’s been in long term relationships for years and I can see on social media how he spent there birthdays..
It’s not about the money we both earn 100k+ and he knows I don’t need anything..
I’m starting to think he’s wasting my time as I do so much for him!! do I say anything?

Birthdays aren't for things you need!

Lifeisabeach09 :( it really does show a lot about how he sees our relationship, I think I’m just wasting my time and will always be the “second” class girlfriend

Hi yanbu.. happy birthday

Is there any chance he forgot. Looks very cheap n i agree with the secnd class gf thing.. maybe he is more paly with u because u had been friends for very long.. not that I am justifying it. Its not done.

@ShopoholicIn Even had forgotten these a co-op as the end of his street that do quite nice stuff probably even a better card!

So he knows you would have appreciated flowers.

Happy birthday!

He is a shit and I think u would have to say something to him.

Don’t put up with that.
I’ve been married over 40 years and my dh always makes an effort with birthday, valentines, anniversaries and Christmas.
I don’t need anything but dh knows what I like.
It’s not cost it’s thought.
A beautiful bouquet of flowers or some champagne and chocolates.

Either tell him straight what you expect or tell him he’s dumped.

He sounds selfish and lazy. I'd be livid. Second hand teddy bear is insulting. Are you supposed to be grateful for that urghhh?

Is there any way you could have said something that made him think you’re not into birthdays, grand gestures or wrapping paper being bad for the environment or whatever?

I’d not then I’d be disappointed too.

Perhaps he will come over later with flowers, chocs and a piece of jewellery?

If not I’d be asking him does he not do birthdays as your family usually really celebrates them and in the past you’d generally felt really special. But this time you don’t feel very pampered.

Are you sure he’s single? Perhaps he’s still with his ex and couldn’t wrap stuff or she’d have seen?

Elieza He’s definitely single! I have a key to his house and helped with a lot of the paper work to buy his ex out and she’s seen out and about

DH is utterly shit at birthdays and every year (and I know this sounds stupidly dramatic) but I feel a tiny bit more shit, unloved and uncared for. I really really don’t want much - a nice card with something nice written in it and one of those big Toblerones and I would be in utter heaven but I am lucky to get even a card. I make an effort for his birthday always but for me......nadda.

As silly as you would probably feel about this (and a bit like a toddler stamping your foot), I would have a pink fit about this - its such early days (note dh was amazing at birthdays early on). He should be making a bloody effort now and pulling out the romantic stops. Tell him how hurt you are.

stupid question but he did know it was your birthday? he didnt find out 5 mins before leaving the house?

TulipsandDa1s1es Sadly not! He’s known for for weeks

I’d be disappointed by that. Not sure whether it’s a red flag or not.

I think it has to be a red flag, I’m clearly always going to be the “second” class girlfriend 😥

Sorry OP but i dont think he likes you, he just sees you as a resource, someone to help him and organise things for him.

Why did he divorce? Why dud it end with his last girlfriend?

@PerfidiousAlbion yer that’s the way I’m starting to think.. he’s never been married they weren’t good together used to get into crazy fights constantly

My how husband and I had been together a little less than this when it was our first Christmas and he bought me lovely earrings.
For this year's birthday I got something practical. To be fair it was what I asked for.
Early days in your relationship there should be flowers /perfume /choclates. It's not hard for a bloke to get something like that.
Are you 100% sure he's not planned something?

WHy haven’t you spoken to him about it?? If it’s a good relationship he’ll be mortified to have got it so wrong and will make amends.

Think he has something planned now, he was hiding in the smoking exit at the pub with his credit card in hand.. as he caught me crying to my best mate on the phone

dh gave me a bread maker one Christmas which was what I wanted & was happy with the next Christmas he gave me a bread bin ...
Honestly unimaginative (I have never let him forget it!)

😔I’m trying my best not to be upset but I just want to cry

I don’t understand why you aren’t having a conversation with him about this??

With the context you’ve given Im not surprised you’re upset and are well within your rights to have expectEd more. No chance it’s a joke to cover up a bigger surprise? You definitely do need to say something as it will fester otherwise.

My ex husband got me microfibre cloths & some Lavender scented bin bags one year . Makes your dog look thoughtful 😉