Birthday effort from partner?

[Welshmiss38]

In quite a new relationship with someone that’s been a friend for years.. we have been together now for around 5 months, it’s my birthday today as he’s made no effort at all.. A generic card he’s left the £2 sticker on and a second hand teddy bear.. he’s been in long term relationships for years and I can see on social media how he spent there birthdays..
It’s not about the money we both earn 100k+ and he knows I don’t need anything..
I’m starting to think he’s wasting my time as I do so much for him!! do I say anything?

Hmm maybe all those years of friendship mean that he feels a bit too comfortable in skipping the romancing part of your relationship and heading straight for the drudgery.

A manky second hand teddy is a shit present, even for a friend.

I'd speak to him about it and yes, I would absolutely raise the comparison of the apparent effort he's gone to with other women, to highlight the complete lack of effort he's made for you - because the contrast is startling.

Mmmmm doesn't sound great. Was it wrapped? This is quite the poor show. It depends on how things are going otherwise and also are you having a nice day out or meal?

I got DP a load of shit from Poundland as a cover before I gave him the real present. He was heartbreakingly grateful. Perhaps this chap has something up his sleeve? Bit mean to make you think a teddy is all you are getting though. Also, A TEDDY!? Come on. That's a shit present and I would rather have nothing.

Talk to him, but he clearly can’t be bothered. It’s a rubbish present. He’s not put any effort into it at all.
Why would a grown up want a teddy anyway 😔. You’re not five!

At £100k I would be expecting a large and very beautiful bouquet. That manky dog thing would be straight in the bin.

I don’t think any grown woman would appreciate that teddy.

Are you seeing him this evening.

@ Welshmiss38

if everything else is great, I'd wait for his birthday to roll around, and give him a card with the price on and maybe some Brut aftershave or maybe a 'for men' beard/ hair dye

Then I'd be having the ''Birthdays/ anniversaries/ Xmas are important to me speech.

I think that you have to tell him that you are disappointed and that you don’t want a teddy.

Then explain to him that birthdays are important to you and that going forward you would like him to make an effort

Oh, my...

Nope, sorry. Five months in I would be expecting him to make a bit more of a bloody effort.

Nope nothing was wrapped, I have organised food and he will pay for it but it’s still no effort..

Don’t keep this to yourself. Tell him it’s shit. Watch carefully what he does to put it right.

It is not unreasonable to want to be treated nicely on your birthday by your boyfriend

Hmmm..... initial thought is that it’s not much effort.

I think people make assumptions about birthdays based on how much they like them, or not.

Early on we said what we like to do to celebrate.... low key but we both like a card, small present and a takeaway or pub meal.

I think you should have been explicit but he could also have asked you or made a bit more effort.

I feel humiliated if anything, he can be quite flashy and things especially cars so friends ect keep asking what he did/bought 😭..

That's really upsetting OP, I'm so sorry. I think it's unfortunately a massive red flag and could be an indication of the effort you could expect from him. I had similar with my exH, my first birthday whilst with him wasn't far into the relationship so I wrote it off as not important, but he carried on the same. I'd make a huge effort to make things special for him and he never reciprocated at all

Well. I would ask him why he thought that was suitable.

He’s not broke
You’ve been together some months
He has known you ages

I was my DH’s first proper girlfriend. 5 months was our first Christmas together. He bought me:

Loccitane body cream
Earrings I still wear 15 years later
A silk top that I’d still wear if I wasn’t so fat
A DVD he knew I’d like

Doesn’t have to be flashy - just thoughtful.

That's crap. I'm so sorry, that's so disappointing on your birthday. I agree it's humiliating. Of course you can't help but compare when past efforts are clearly visible on social media.

I don't see any way round not saying - maybe do so now so he has some time to respond and improve things?

I would feel the same and unable to continue if I was not made to feel the special one.

Sending you birthday wishes, sorry it's a hurtful day

Thing is, this soon in is a bit tricky. Because something very flashy is a bit 'oh shit' if it's early days. But his gift wasn't just cheap, it was utterly thoughtless. And that's the real issue.

That's rubbish. It's the kind of thing someone would give a sister they weren't that close to.

Pull the head off the second hand dog and rip the stuffing out, when he asks why say you were looking for your real present.

Seriously though, I can't believe the lack of effort. I'm really sorry he did that

Wasn’t he embarrassed giving that to you op?

Even if he had just made me a nice moon pig card, not a £2 generic one I’d been happy but he’s not even made 5 mins of effort.. one flower from eternal petals he’s known I loved the ones he bought the other girl but no nothing at all..

[quote Welshmiss38]😥He dated this girl for a few weeks before me, she got flowers when she was feeling unwell and these for Valentine’s Day (eternalpetals.com/products/love-black-velvet?variant=5992202469415)[/quote]
This says a lot of about how he sees you, IMP.
You aren't valued by this man and he is with you because you are useful and financially secure.

I'd rethink the relationship, definitely. If he is like this now, he'll be worse later on.

IMP=IMO

@ Scweltish I don’t think he was embarrassed, he just think as I don’t need anything because I buy it for myself