Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding + SIL = a recipe for disaster!

121 replies

Hrps · 16/10/2020 09:04

As a family, covid restrictions certainly hit us hard with first my sister in law's wedding being cancelled then our own changing 4+times (we got married in September, and It was actually perfect, I wouldn't change a thing!).

My sister in law has rearranged her wedding for next May, she is utterly set that it will be the big 150+ people wedding she had originally planned. I can absolutely understand her wanting to hope for the best, but with the best will in the world I just don't see it happening.

Her single-mindedness about not changing a thing is effecting the whole family already, such as I spent yesterday evening printing 160 orders of services for her, spending my own money on the paper and ink.

The list of jobs for me to do is ever growing and I'm starting to feel resentful about how much work I've been signed up for, due to how pointless it feels making things for 150+ guests who will likely never attend! I'm still happy to help out but I don't think she's being reasonable!

I've been told quite firmly to stay quiet with my opinions on planning for this number as "we got to have our day, now let her have hers". The view of the whole family seems to be to let it be never mind how much extra time and money we will all be investing in it.

AIBU to feel like this? Should I stay quiet to keep the peace or does she need a gentle reality check?

OP posts:
scrappydappydoooooo · 16/10/2020 10:57

@CupidStunt2020 Thanks so much for this, thats the best laugh I've had in ages! Seriously, I can't remember the last time I actually laughed out loud so much....... Bojo's government are going to co-ordinate and fund a mass vaccine plan to be done by EASTER!! And the UK populous are going to line up and take it!!

I'm Irish. After Brexit, there are few things I enjoy more than ripping the piss out of BoJo and all he stands for. The UK's (especially England's) initial response to Covid was fucking horrific. In Ireland we had many faults in February and early March in Ireland but nothing like what you guys were stuck with after we'd copped on. But I also don't judge all plans on other bad ones. The leaked plans for mass vaccination in the UK are excellent. Well planned, intelligent has to very real potential to work excellently. It's impressive. Extremely so. I can only hope we will manage as well in Ireland, we should as our population is proportionally tiny, but the British plan is so good, I'm genuinely worried ours won't match it.

CupidStunt2020 · 16/10/2020 11:00

he leaked plans for mass vaccination in the UK are excellent. Well planned, intelligent has to very real potential to work excellently. It's impressive. Extremely so

They can be the best plans in the world....until you look at who will implement them.

The UK will not be mass vaccinated by Easter. I'd bet my house on that.

MrsClatterbuck · 16/10/2020 11:01

I planned my own wedding myself and did everything. I didn't want any pressure on my mum who can be a bit highly strung at times. She did come with me for certain appointments. Not sure why you were paying for the order of service though. If I had asked someone to do mine and not the firm I did get I would most certainly not have them out of pocket to do so and I am struggling to imagine what other jobs you have to do 7 months before the wedding. Can only think of maybe the invitations and place cards or also the wedding favours.

DrivingMo · 16/10/2020 11:03
  1. Why are you organising her wedding?!
  2. Why are you printing orders of service so far in advance of the wedding?

This post is absurd. Let her plan her own wedding however she wants and say no when she asks you to do it for her. It's not your wedding.

Nomorepies · 16/10/2020 11:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Jjimdak · 16/10/2020 11:22

As well as print 150 orders of service just think of the “jobs” bridezilla could have for you...

Hand make and write wedding invitations and ‘save the day’ cards for 150 - buy card, glue gun, card toppers, calligraphy pens and ink, envelopes and stamps
Hand sew 150 bags to put wedding favours in (pay for fabrics, ribbons and thread)
Make wedding favours
Write place settings (buy more card)
Make table decorations
Make wedding cake (you can learn sugar craft by May surely?)
Make boxes to put wedding cake in and write (calligraphy pens get another outing here) address labels
Etc.

For hen do...

Organise (and pay for) whacky costumes
See yet more bags to put “Hens pamper sets in”, buy fabric, shite from Superdrug etc.

And on the day itself...
Decorate the church and wedding reception venue (pay for florists bill
Organise (and pay for) confetti

readingismycardio · 16/10/2020 11:23

I'm so proud of myself for organising my wedding without making other people go mad about it! I did stuff well in advance too, but as I said, I did it MYSELF!l (mainly because I'm a control freakGrin, but hey ho).

OP just say no and screw your MIL. She can do it.

LindaEllen · 16/10/2020 11:26

The most ridiculous part of this post is printing out the order of service sheets for a wedding that is (maybe) happening in sodding May, more than half a year from now.

I won't even discuss Christmas with my family at the moment as we have no idea how things are going to go, so there's no way I'd be entering into a discussion about May.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/10/2020 11:30

If you want to be PA about it, you could always say you will do as much for your SIL's wedding as she did for yours.
As you've probably already surpassed that level, you should feel free to say no more.

TheWayOfTheWorld · 16/10/2020 11:33

Apart from anything else, why are you printing orders of service 7 months before the wedding?! Confused

TheWayOfTheWorld · 16/10/2020 11:35

Also, what jobs for SIL's wedding is your DH doing (I'm assuming it's his sister). Get him to do them if he feels so strongly about helping her Hmm

lottiegarbanzo · 16/10/2020 11:37

Stop.

She's your DH's sister, so pass every single request on to him.

catfeets · 16/10/2020 11:39

Just don't do it, it's not worth the hassle. I spent more money attending my brother's wedding than I spent getting married myself. I was also pushed into doing all sorts of tasks (unthanked) that I didn't want to do - I didn't even do them for my own wedding.

Ten years later and they're divorcing. Wish I'd just said no to the SIL's demands at the time as it still pisses me off when I think about all I did for her.

Fink · 16/10/2020 11:41

Since she's not yet married and you're calling her SIL, I assume she's your husband's sister (rather than your brother's fiancée). If that's the case, then I'd be telling my husband that he can take on those jobs if he wants but you're not going to. You don't mention him specifically but it sounds like he might not be very supportive of your stance if he's part of the rest of the family taking SIL's side. Fine, then the onus is on him to do all the jobs she wants doing. And for your part you agree to not have a go at SIL and keep quiet with your (legitimate) misgivings.

If MIL is angry at you, direct it towards your husband. Unless you are asked to do something which genuinely only you could do. Printing orders of service is not a woman's job.

GabsAlot · 16/10/2020 11:44

youve got no ink? you cant afford it

its ridiculous to be printing it out now anyway

MrsHSW · 16/10/2020 11:48

Definitely too early to print orders of service! And why is that your job?! These are jobs she should be doing or paying a company to do for her. I'd be saying my printer is crap and they came out badly.

scrappydappydoooooo · 16/10/2020 11:56

@CupidStunt2020 They can be the best plans in the world....until you look at who will implement them.

The military. The military will be playing the biggest role in implementing them. This is very much a case of the PTB knowing what's needed and who can implement it most efficiently and handing over to them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/10/2020 12:00

This situation is bonkers. Take the hit financially on the paper and ink if you don’t think she will pay you back with grace. The money you spent can be a good reminder of how not to react in the future to their demands and manipulation. On the plus side, if we run out of loo roll post Brexit, you have a lot of paper....

You need to stand firm against your mil. So what if she makes you feel crap. Your sil can have whatever sort of wedding she wants - Covid permitting - but she doesn’t get to use you as a slave. Your mil will up the anti more and more when you refuse. You just have to stand firm. It’s like with children, they push and push and push before acquiescing. She is acting like a child and will eventually back down. If you don’t do this, you will ever more be her bitch.

Littlepaws18 · 16/10/2020 12:03

Printing off 160 sheets is hardly hard work, you make it sound like you have been forced to run the show! But forking our got 150 guests at the venue for example would be a very irresponsible thing fir her to do and if I was in your position I'd tell her to hold back.

I'm getting married in August next year hoping for hundred guests but only currently paid for 30 just in case.

FFSFFSFFS · 16/10/2020 12:11

Is your husband doing any jobs?? Or is it special woman's work because its to do with a wedding?

MissConductUS · 16/10/2020 12:13

The UK will be lucky to start distributing vaccines at scale by March and unless all of the guests are health care workers or first responders they won't be at the front of the queue. So a gathering of 150 people in May is wildly improbable, but that's not really your problem, it's hers.

Do the absolute minimum you can get away with. When the wedding plans have to be scrapped again, no one will care who did what in 2020.

Sorry about the bridezilla situation. Smile

EL8888 · 16/10/2020 12:19

@FFSFFSFFS l think it’s special pink lady jobs, than men can’t possibly do Confused

FinallyHere · 16/10/2020 12:22

Or just possibly special snowflake jobs that just don't need to be done.

jagoda · 16/10/2020 12:23

Even without COVID this is crazy.

Sorry OP but YABU as you just have to say no.

Why is it YOU that is expected to do all this shit? What is yoru DH actually doing? Any jobs you get in future, just pass over to him and let him deal with it.

dontdisturbmenow · 16/10/2020 12:40

AIBU to feel like this? Should I stay quiet to keep the peace or does she need a gentle reality check?
The titles of this thread leads to believe that it isn't about the work being asked but you getting annoyed with her that she is holding in to believing her dream wedding is going to go ahead.

What reality check do you want to give her when noone knows what the reality will be in 6 months time? She might be the one who is right and will get to enjoy her dream wedding. You are not her and she's not you. She's entitled to her

Swipe left for the next trending thread