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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with DH for forcing me to isolate?

107 replies

Dazzband · 15/10/2020 05:44

DH has athsma, he had run out if his usual inhaler and his chest was tight, painful and he had a chesty cough (this happens a lot, what with weather change and no inhaler). he called docs and she told him she cant give him antibiotics untill he has a covid test as he may have covid. That was fine, but then he told me that i would need to isolate with him and get a test too. i completely disagreed with this as neither of us had symptoms but he shouted at me and said i was being careless. So we have both been tested and are now isolating untill the results come back.
im fuming because ive had to take time off work last minute, kept kids off nursery and school. Hes using this time to do nothing but lay about all day and more or less left me and kids to it. i guess im just pissed off because i know the test is going to be negetive and we are all sat indoors for no reason.

OP posts:

crosspelican · 15/10/2020 09:41

I'd be super pissed off at him. I have mild asthma and of ALL years, and as a grown adult, I make sure that I don't run out of my inhalers. Jesus. Of course he has a cough and wheeziness! How long has it been since his brown one ran out? Does he plan to just get COVID tests all winter instead of getting up off his arse and getting a new inhaler?

crosspelican · 15/10/2020 09:44

@Copperblack We’ve had to isolate as a family waiting for test results 7 times now.

That's quite unusual - do you or your partner work in a particularly high risk environment?

MoonJelly · 15/10/2020 09:44

You can't do much about isolation, you can do something about his laziness. Tell him that unless he does his fair share you'e going to have to give up cooking or washing for him.

Heifer · 15/10/2020 09:50

A grown man with asthma shouldn't be running out of his enhaler. In fact he should have a spare! I would be miffed if my 16yr DD didn't notice it was getting low (am now going to check)....

Also he should be doing his share whilst at home if he is able

Scarlettpixie · 15/10/2020 09:54

Your husband does have symptoms. He has a cough. It is right he should get a test and the household isolate, especially seeing as his GP advised it. You might think the cough is caused by asthma and may well be correct but it is still a symptom of covid.

No idea why you got a test though or why you let your husband talk you into it. You don’t have any covid symptoms. What a waste. I hope you didn’t get your kids tested either. It’s people taking unnecessary tests that are contributing to the difficulty in getting one!

Brighterthansunflowers · 15/10/2020 09:58

HIBU to let his inhaler run out. But since he had a new continuous cough he was right to get tested on the advice of his GP which means you all need to isolate until the result comes back negative or for 14 days.

YWBU to take a test when you have no symptoms. If he did have a positive test you would still need to isolate regardless of your negative test because he could still pass it on to you at any time after your test was done.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 15/10/2020 10:01

[quote crosspelican]**@Copperblack* We’ve had to isolate as a family waiting for test results 7 times now.*

That's quite unusual - do you or your partner work in a particularly high risk environment?[/quote]
I don’t think it is. If you have children that are prone to get temperatures when they’re ill you would had to get a test for each instance and isolate until you got the results

Bid876 · 15/10/2020 10:11

The rules are ridiculous at the moment. My understanding is only the person with symptoms needs to test but everyone in the house needs to isolate. However, if he choose not to test and just wait the isolation period out, the kids can still go to school and nursery. We had this last week when my 6yo had a fever, the school & nursery were happy for my other 2 to go in until I told them I was testing my 6yo then they said they can’t come in. So even if a child has all the symptoms and the parents choose not to test then the siblings can still go to school....it dosnt make sense 🤔🤷🏼‍♀️

We have a positive case in our school so the entire bubble is isolating which is great but there are 19 siblings children in that bubble in my children’s bubbles (which is why I was definitely testing my 6yo) who are still in school. There are also cousins who mix outside of school as the grandparents pick most of them up...

I’d be pissed though if my DH did this. Mine has bad asthma too but he’s been the opposite and taking been taking extra care.

OverTheRubicon · 15/10/2020 10:18

@Bid876 you have been incorrectly informed. If someone has symptoms and they choose not to get tested (or if they cannot get a test) their household members are meant to isolate as if they have covid, so for 14 days. Same thing if you've been tested but are waiting for results.

The bubble thing is different - if one child in a bubble tests positive then all the others need to isolate in case. However unless they develop symptoms, their siblings can go to school etc, on the basis that there is no known covid case in the house. If the isolating child then develops symptoms, they need to go for a test etc etc.

Bid876 · 15/10/2020 10:39

@OverTheRubicon that’s what I thought it was but I’ve spoken to several people from different schools who have been given the same information as me 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was also speaking to a solicitor yesterday who told me they are allowed to go to court even with a positive test....

Howlooseisyourgoose · 15/10/2020 10:42

He’s an absolute dick. Why is he so useless on the house and why do you put up with it? Wouldn’t life be easier without him?

Cheeseandwin5 · 15/10/2020 10:48

I see the usual outrage is spewing out.

I would wait till you get the results, before you start going mad at him. If he has got Covid, than your outburst and the collective hatred being poured will be disgusting.

Illberidingshotgun · 15/10/2020 10:51

Hmm, I clicked YABU, but on reflection I'm not sure, as it's more complicated than that.

He shouldn't run out of essential medication. Unless there was a supply problem or a mistake made by GP or pharmacy, then he was being very irresponsible. However as the GP stated that he must have a test, then it is necessary that the whole family isolates until the result is back. YABU to disagree with him on that, although there is absolutely no need for you to get a test if you have no symptoms.

He is BVU to just sit around all day and let you get on with everything, unless he is feeling very unwell, which you don't say that he is. If he is unable to work from home then he should be pulling his weight.

It is also concerning that he was shouting at you. On balance, apart from the fact that YABU to consider not isolating until his test result is back, he is BVU in every other respect.

IntermittentParps · 15/10/2020 10:57

Sounds like his GP was talking out of her arse. Those symptoms in someone with asthma are surely massively more likely to be caused by asthma than Covid?

But of course he should be pulling his weight while at home. I agree with nettie about asking him to behave as if he is positive – making his own meals, and drinks and thoroughly cleaning the bathroom every time, plus sleeping separately. Call his bluff.
He also shouldn't have shouted at you.

Zoecarter · 15/10/2020 11:45

@Dazzband

Yes exactly the point I made to him and why I am pissed off neither of us have symptoms yet we went to get tested. DH was following his Doctor's orders. But I had no symptoms. So this is my point taking a test and isolating seems so pointless and I'm angry that he basically shouted at me because I had initially refused then I gave in. If I hadn't of listened to him I could have gone to work and kids could have gone to nursery and school.

Your husband has a new cough. He is the only one that needs to do a test but the household needs to isolate untill the result comes back as some one in the house has a new cough 🙄🙄

NotOfThisWorld · 15/10/2020 11:47

I think he was right that you needed to isolate (but not take a test only DH should have taken one) but you have a right to be annoyed that by not taking his asthma meds he created a situation that necessitated you all isolating. It sounds like he could have been more helpful with the kids too depending on how bad the asthma is.

NotOfThisWorld · 15/10/2020 11:48

Sounds like his GP was talking out of her arse. Those symptoms in someone with asthma are surely massively more likely to be caused by asthma than Covid?

According to that logic no one with asthma need ever take a covid test because it could always just be their asthma causing the cough.

beachysandy81 · 15/10/2020 11:51

Well he had a cough so needed a test which means the whole family have to isolate. But make him do his fair share of housework and looking after the children while you are off.

oakleaffy · 15/10/2020 11:55

@trotesio

You should not have had a test because you do not have symptoms.

Why is it so hard for people to understand the guidance?!

I get tonsillitis. In June I had a sore throat and a fever (below 37.8). Was convinced it was a tonsillitis as nothing felt different, but I took a test because that's the responsible thing to do.

Guess what... I was positive.

You do not 'know' it is just asthma, and your attitude towards isolation is incredibly selfish.

I hope you get negative results.

Agreed... I had a really bad sore throat and a tickly cough back in March... I was sure it was just a cold, so stayed in isolation for seven days.

No idea if it was Covid or not...Probably not, but I kept to guidelines.

At the weekend, a person was dry -hard coughing in a shop..They said ''I haven't got covid'' but how would they know.
So selfish to be coughing in small shops.

Noitjustwontdo · 15/10/2020 11:57

I mean, you’re not supposed to have a test without symptoms and his symptoms are obviously related to his lack of inhaler being asthmatic so it just sounds like a waste of a test to me 🤷🏻‍♀️. And yeah, I don’t think you should self isolate because neither of you have symptoms...

ConquestEmpireHungerPlague · 15/10/2020 12:10

I think this is ridiculous. I'm a stickler for following Covid-related advice and guidelines but there's absolutely nothing to indicate anyone has Covid here. If the DH hadn't let his inhaler run out, everyone would just be carrying on as normal. A longstanding asthmatic knows what their asthma cough sounds and feels like and whether their known triggers apply. There's a debate to be had about whether the GP is being reasonable or not to tell him to get a test (personally I think it's understandable they want to be belt-and-braces about it) but that's not what the OP is asking. As things stand it's simply the price of admission for him to get the prescription he needs and not evidence that he's any more likely to have Covid than he was before. I think he's just slavishly following the logic that test = need to self-isolate without really thinking through the fact that the reason he's having a test is different from the reason most people are having one (rightly or wrongly). Demanding that OP also self-isolates just seems to me like a higher-tier misapprehansion. He's shouting at you, OP, because he knows he's screwed up. None of this would be happening if he'd stayed on top of his repeat prescriptions.

SunshineCake · 15/10/2020 12:26

The issue is him being a lazy selfish prick. Everything else is just how it has to be now.

jessstan1 · 15/10/2020 12:29

Your husband couldn't 'force' you, you have a choice whether or not to be tested. I think it was sensible to have the test and to isolate but still, nobody held a gun to your head. As for husband lying about doing nothing, presumably he is unwell which is what started the ball rolling.

He should not have shouted at you but at the same time you don't have to give in to bullying and you did. That sets a precedent.

diddl · 15/10/2020 12:55

"As for husband lying about doing nothing, presumably he is unwell which is what started the ball rolling."

Yes-hadn't thought about that at first-why would GP be talking about antibiotics if it's a question of needing an inhaler?

LilyLongJohn · 15/10/2020 13:01

Why is he leaving you to sort the kids out. I hope he's doing 50% of all childcare, housework etc. If not then you need to be having a word with yourself and him

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