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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DH for forcing me to isolate?

107 replies

Dazzband · 15/10/2020 05:44

DH has athsma, he had run out if his usual inhaler and his chest was tight, painful and he had a chesty cough (this happens a lot, what with weather change and no inhaler). he called docs and she told him she cant give him antibiotics untill he has a covid test as he may have covid. That was fine, but then he told me that i would need to isolate with him and get a test too. i completely disagreed with this as neither of us had symptoms but he shouted at me and said i was being careless. So we have both been tested and are now isolating untill the results come back.
im fuming because ive had to take time off work last minute, kept kids off nursery and school. Hes using this time to do nothing but lay about all day and more or less left me and kids to it. i guess im just pissed off because i know the test is going to be negetive and we are all sat indoors for no reason.

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 15/10/2020 06:46

Basically it’s your husband’s fault for getting low on inhalers, hopefully he will learn by this and make sure he has reserves. The Dr was right about getting tested as he had a cough, which is probably asthma related, but you cannot be sure until you get back the test result. It sucks having to all self isolate.

StealthPolarBear · 15/10/2020 06:48

Surely you get tested for a new, continuous cough, not just a cough.
So unless it was continuous, he shouldn't have been tested.
On another thread people are arguing you should get tested with a sore throat and headache. It's no wonder people are confused.

CircleofWillis · 15/10/2020 06:50

He should be looking after his children and home alongside you not lazing around. To me this is the issue rather than you both having to self isolate.

Quartz2208 · 15/10/2020 06:52

Because he had a cough (due to his own laziness) you did all have to isolate that is correct
But that isn’t your issue your problem runs deeper than that because you are doing everything

Florencex · 15/10/2020 06:55

@Dazzband

Yes exactly the point I made to him and why I am pissed off neither of us have symptoms yet we went to get tested. DH was following his Doctor's orders. But I had no symptoms. So this is my point taking a test and isolating seems so pointless and I'm angry that he basically shouted at me because I had initially refused then I gave in. If I hadn't of listened to him I could have gone to work and kids could have gone to nursery and school.
But why did you get a test? The instructions clearly state that only people with symptoms should take a test. You are speaking as if you have no free will here.

Even your DH did not have to do as his doctor said as the doctor was clearly wrong. DH did not have any of the symptoms you are supposed to have in order to order a test. Doctors are not always right.

gingerbreadfox · 15/10/2020 06:59

As somebody who has asthma it is honestly petrifying when you have difficulties with your chest. Like a really, really scary feeling. Bear in mind that that may make him a bit snappy/unreasonable out of fear and discomfort.

StealthPolarBear · 15/10/2020 06:59

A new continuous cough

To be annoyed with DH for forcing me to isolate?
LunaLula83 · 15/10/2020 07:00

There's more to this. Dh embarassed you by shouting at you. That is the issue here.

IncandescentSilver · 15/10/2020 07:01

YANBU as both he and the GP sound very irritating. Please tell me that the GP didn't refuse to prescribe him a new inhaler until he had been tested? And why would he need antibiotics so quickly for asthma anyway? Wouldn't Prednisalone be more appropriate?

It's been a bad week for coughing for asthmatics for some reason. I dont have symptoms so won't be getting tested though.

Oh and doubly YANBU for him using it as an excuse not to help out and to laze around. Does he normally work and is he a bit of a hypochondriac?

Covideo · 15/10/2020 07:04

Sometimes the testing website will offer tests to other household members even if they don’t have symptoms. Especially if you put that you are a key worker.
I was offered one when I booked one for my son.

scaevola · 15/10/2020 07:06

Your DH was asked by his doctor to get a test, to rule out covid, before treating for other causes. That is a correct precautionary pathway. The tested, symptomatic person needs to isolate until their result is back.

Their co-habitants need not, though it is prudent at this stage to minimise all contact with other people as far as you can, and be ready to isolate if the test is positive.

He is wrong to force you to isolate, and it is wrong to test a symptomless person (unless part of a proper surveillance project). He's also wrong on being so rude and bullying. Is he often like that?

OverTheRubicon · 15/10/2020 07:10

Yabvu.

Both because he had a chesty cough - which is not necessarily about the change of weather and legitimately needed a covid test.

And then doubly unreasonable because you shouldn't have wasted a test when you had no symptoms.

nosswith · 15/10/2020 07:10

A family member lives in the US and had to have a test after someone at work had a family member diagnosed with Covid 19. Test at 2, result by early evening. No chance of that here.

Blame the government for the time it takes, not your DH.

Sodamncold · 15/10/2020 07:17

@Copperblack

It’s annoying but it’s a regular part of life for many families now. We’ve had to isolate as a family waiting for test results 7 times now. I think everyone is finding like so stressful it can be hard to pull together rather than fall out. Hope the test is negative x
Has any one of those 7 been negative?
timeisnotaline · 15/10/2020 07:22

I’d probably say unless you get off your bum and cook clean and parent I’m going back to work and leaving you to it. Given he doesn’t have Covid symptoms and nor do you.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 15/10/2020 07:22

OPs DH had possible Covid symptom. The rules state that he needs a test and that he AND ALL THE HOUSEHOLD should self isolate. Person with symptoms for 10 days and rest of household for 14 days. Isolation can stop if the test result is negative.

However, OP did not need a test and has wasted one.

Attictroll · 15/10/2020 07:27

I would call that shielding not isolation. And he is at fault for letting inhaler run low. I would have tried to agree a compromise with him. Is he just scared of covid with Asthma

EnjoyingTheSilence · 15/10/2020 07:28

Why on earth did he run out of his inhaler if he knows this happens? DH also has asthma and ensures he never runs out

Your dh needs to manage his asthma better, there was no need for you to get a test but he was following doctors orders and if anyone in the household has a test, the rest of you have to isolate.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 15/10/2020 07:29

Oh and why on earth is he lazing around? Get that stopped

PaddyF0dder · 15/10/2020 07:31

Diddums.

Such is life right now.

He’s right to get a test (he has symptoms). You don’t need a test if you don’t have symptoms. But the whole house must quarantine until the result comes back.

Be less childish and more supportive.

LemonTT · 15/10/2020 07:37

@Dazzband

Yes exactly the point I made to him and why I am pissed off neither of us have symptoms yet we went to get tested. DH was following his Doctor's orders. But I had no symptoms. So this is my point taking a test and isolating seems so pointless and I'm angry that he basically shouted at me because I had initially refused then I gave in. If I hadn't of listened to him I could have gone to work and kids could have gone to nursery and school.
He had a cough and his doctor told him to get tested. You are a household contact so you need to isolate too. You didn’t need a test. But as an adult you could have found that out very easily.

The waste here is an unnecessary test and pointless moan.

SoupDragon · 15/10/2020 07:38

@StealthPolarBear

A new continuous cough
A continuous cough doesn't mean literally continuous. this means coughing a lot for more than an hour, or 3 or more coughing episodes in 24 hours (if you usually have a cough, it may be worse than usual)
SchadenfreudePersonified · 15/10/2020 07:41

YABU to be angry at isolating

YANBU to be angry that he is doing sod-all and you are the one let with all the child care and housework

Namenic · 15/10/2020 07:47

This is why medical professionals should be the only ones referring for tests. If there is a lack of tests, we need to make most effective use of them. Probably most efficient for whole household to isolate, but only DH get a test.

The guidelines are difficult to figure out and further tests may be influenced by a persons risk factors (eg someone working in hospital/care home). It is frustrating not having high availability testing, but until the govt sorts that out, I think public health should ration the tests

nettie434 · 15/10/2020 07:51

The point here is that if the OP's husband had organised his inhaler supply and still developed a new cough, then the OP would not have felt so resentful about taking a covid test and isolating.

What about suggesting that until his test results come back, you behave as if he is positive?This involves him making his own meals, drinks and thoroughly cleaning the bathroom every time he has a shower or goes to the loo? If you have a spare room, he could sleep there.

Of course it would be better if test results came back more quickly but the OP's husband should have been more responsible.