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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DH for forcing me to isolate?

107 replies

Dazzband · 15/10/2020 05:44

DH has athsma, he had run out if his usual inhaler and his chest was tight, painful and he had a chesty cough (this happens a lot, what with weather change and no inhaler). he called docs and she told him she cant give him antibiotics untill he has a covid test as he may have covid. That was fine, but then he told me that i would need to isolate with him and get a test too. i completely disagreed with this as neither of us had symptoms but he shouted at me and said i was being careless. So we have both been tested and are now isolating untill the results come back.
im fuming because ive had to take time off work last minute, kept kids off nursery and school. Hes using this time to do nothing but lay about all day and more or less left me and kids to it. i guess im just pissed off because i know the test is going to be negetive and we are all sat indoors for no reason.

OP posts:
Cheesybiscuits01 · 15/10/2020 07:53

@soupdragon is completely correct about the definition of continuous cough. I'm surprised at how many people are unaware of this although I suspect that's because the message has not been put across correctly. So yes OP did have to isolate and the whole situation was probably preventable had her husband just ordered his inhalers. Its a tough lesson for him to learn but this is just how it has to be during a pandemic.

bumblingbovine49 · 15/10/2020 07:59

@Florencex

I have put YABU as you don’t have to do what your husband says.

Neither of you needed to get a test, you have just wasted two tests. Even if he needed to get a test (and it doesn’t sound like he did), it clearly states numerous times during the ordering process that tests should only be ordered for people with symptoms, so why did you order a test for yourself?

of course he had to get a test because his doctor refused to prescribe medication for him unless he did!!

op you should isolate as well according to the rules/guidance but there was no need you or the children to get a test as you don't have any symptoms

Snoringferret · 15/10/2020 08:03

Is the point not that if you don't isolate then you could give him Covid after he's been tested so his test is no longer relevant?

I think you should have isolated but he needs to get off his lazy arse.

Coffeecak3 · 15/10/2020 08:04

If you’re both at home and you’re both well then you should both be sharing the parenting and housework.
Tell him.

Looneytune253 · 15/10/2020 08:06

He's right tho. Imagine if his result came back pos and you'd sent your kids in. Doing the phone call of shame to say your partner had had a pos test and the other children had been put at risk. Someone in our community has done that recently and she's been fully vilified when the rest of the community have found out. It's so very irresponsible

bumblingbovine49 · 15/10/2020 08:06

@nosswith

A family member lives in the US and had to have a test after someone at work had a family member diagnosed with Covid 19. Test at 2, result by early evening. No chance of that here.

Blame the government for the time it takes, not your DH.

What is the point if this comparison? In this country the negative test for someone who has come into contact with a Covid infected person is pointless as they have to isolate for 14 days regardless of any test result.

In the case stated your example ( contact with work colleague who is not showing symptoms but whose family member has Covid) no isolation is required, let alone a test.

MinnieJackson · 15/10/2020 08:12

A lady I knew was feeling dreadful in june, her husband drove her to the rest site and they asked if he wanted a test aswell, he said he felt fine so he was alright but they asked again and both came back positive but he was asymptomatic. This was when tests were more plentiful though. The boiler man who came to is said he's had to have five tests aswell

Nottherealslimshady · 15/10/2020 08:13

I'd be very annoyed. He only has a cough because he wasnt responsible enough to keep his medication topped up. So now you need to isolate because technically he has a new cough except it's an asthmatic cough because he essentially stopped taking his medication for it. I dont think I'd let him live it down tbh. I eont understand why doctor would want to give him antibiotics though rather than just giving him another inhaler.

AryaStarkWolf · 15/10/2020 08:22

You should be shouting at him and telling him he's an irresponsible dad

Yetiyoga · 15/10/2020 08:23

Gosh. I do find it worrying the amount of people who magically know that a cough is something else.
Likely, yes. But it isn't definite. It is possible to have an asthmatic cough as well as covid.
The guidelines are very clear, new cough, loss of taste or smell or fever. Get a test.
You're moaning about missing work but it is reasons like this that mean it is spreading faster and faster and this could mean the country comes to a halt again. If everyone just stuck to the rules and tested with a symptom it would slow the spread down. Stop being so selfish. It is hard, it is hard for everyone. But it is the times we live in at the moment.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 15/10/2020 08:36

I think the rules are unclear and I can see why he did it if advised by a medical professional.

What I think is worse though is shouting at you if you disagree, and not doing his fair share with the kids when you're both at home.

tenlittlecygnets · 15/10/2020 08:45

Insanity. Your h didn't have symptoms; his inhaler had run out.

He needs to be more organised about collecting his meds in future, especially at times of the year when his asthma flares up..
I don't see why either of you is isolating or has been tested.

lockdownalli · 15/10/2020 08:48

I said YABU as you appear to believe your DH is the boss of you and can order you around.

Is this usual behaviour for him?

tenlittlecygnets · 15/10/2020 08:48

he shouted at me and said i was being careless
Hes using this time to do nothing but lay about all day and more or less left me and kids to it

Ths is what you should be really cross about. So he's disorganised, lazy, shouty and a shit dad? Nice.

Signalbox · 15/10/2020 08:53

I’m not sure why people are saying op’s dh doesn’t have symptoms when op has described a chesty cough that may require antibiotics. If antibiotics are required this is not just a cough caused by a weather change which would be treated by using an inhaler not antibiotics.

SoupDragon · 15/10/2020 08:56

Your h didn't have symptoms

Yes he did. He might have been 99% sure it was down to the missing inhaler but unless he or the OP have magic senses they can't know for sure so he needed a test. An earlier poster said how they were sure they only had their normal tonsillitis only they got a positive test result.

You can't know without a test.

SpaceOP · 15/10/2020 09:03

Honestly, I'd be livid at hm for not organising an inhaler in time (and I live with an asthmatic who has a habit of forgetting to order them myself so I sympathise deeply). Unfortunately, according to guidelines, he is right that you all need to self isolate until HIS test comes back negative (which I'd say there's a good chance it will). But the chances are that if he'd not allowed his asthma to get out of hand, this wouldn't have happened so you have every right to be annoyed.

But him lolling around while you're running around managing the kids etc is 100% not on and is actually far more of a concern for me. You need to make it clear to him that your'e not doing everything while your'e stuck in the house. He needs to bloody step up - lazy fecker.

Abouttimemum · 15/10/2020 09:04

You are following the correct process, yes. He has a symptom, you all have to isolate. He gets tested. When it’s negative you’re free to go.

However your DH has caused this problem by not organising to have his medication on time, and for that I’d be mightily pissed off for unnecessarily creating an avoidable situation. Yes I’d be angry.

We’ve been in and out of isolation and numerous testing due to DS at nursery and DH out at work. And it’s going to keep happening repeatedly.

diddl · 15/10/2020 09:04

Does he usually need antibiotics in this scenario or hasn't it happened before?

Hard to know if Dr should have initially just prescribed inhaler to see if that was the cause?

Meuniere · 15/10/2020 09:09

The problem here is

  • he let his inhaler run out at a time when getting appointments etc... is hard. Which he knows
  • he then put you in a situation where YOU have to make a lot of effort but with no acknowledgment of the inconvenience or that he could have been more careful
  • and then he just leaves you deal with the dcs etc... as if he had no care in the world and this wasn’t his responsibility at all.

I would read him the riot act, tell him get up his arse and look after the dcs. And that you expect some apologies about not renewing his inhaler in time.

IdblowJonSnow · 15/10/2020 09:18

I think yanbu and why the hell did he shout at you?
Why did you go along with it?
Nearly everyone has a sniffle or sore throat at this time of year. Unless I had a temperature and or lost my sense of smell or felt not right in another way I'd carry on.
If his symptoms are inline with his usual asthma related cough then I'd tell him to sod off.
Hes behaved very irresponsibly by not having his meds.

Davros · 15/10/2020 09:28

One of my two biggest anxieties (the other is lateness) is DH's terrible management of his medication. For a number of years I tried to sort it out for him and he resisted and would dismantle any system I tried which was keeping only one pack of medication out at a time or using those daily divider boxes. He would regularly run out, get panicky, drive everyone mad including the GP. Thankfully he eventually gave in and let's me deal with it and reorder supplies. I'd rather he was a grown up about it but I know he won't do it so I'd rather take control myself. It's not ideal but keeps me just about sane. I feel your pain

Newfornow · 15/10/2020 09:30

I thought you had to have symptoms to be tested?

Newfornow · 15/10/2020 09:31

He’s is a knobber for not helping you unless he is genuinely too unwell. A little unwell = moving slower when you have children. Not opting out.

Malachite234 · 15/10/2020 09:34

@Copperblack

It’s annoying but it’s a regular part of life for many families now. We’ve had to isolate as a family waiting for test results 7 times now. I think everyone is finding like so stressful it can be hard to pull together rather than fall out. Hope the test is negative x
7 times ?

That’s more than once a month! Seems excessive? Are you isolating for sniffles ? I mean the COVID symptoms are pretty specific. Have you had any positives ?

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