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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a dog in my car?

126 replies

Aury26 · 14/10/2020 23:19

Me and 2 friends are going away for the weekend (2 hour drive weekend break).
My friend who owns an english bulldog was supposed to sort dog care, but for whatever reason didnt think to try and sort this out until 2 days before we leave despite booking this 3 weeks ago. Unsurprisingly she cant find anyone to look after her dog so is now asking me if she would mind the dog coming. AIBU to not want to have a big slobbery dog in my car?
I have told her no but she has got upset and claiming I am being unreasonable and that she wont be any bother. Apart from the hair, smell and drool I have a tiny car and already thinking about fitting in 3 people plus luggage and food to then have a bulldog in the passenger footwell too.
I think its mainly annoying me that im being forced into a situation i didnt want because she hasnt bothered to sort out arrangements for her dog until the last minute so now its my problem. AIBU?

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 16/10/2020 10:35

I think you’re been manipulated into the dog coming too.
I agree, she's been deliberately disorganised.

ChronicallyCurious, she's no need to make up excuses. There are perfectly good real reasons to say no.

I think hiring a car with proper space/ability to restrain the dog is a good idea; as long as dog friends pay for it and the OP is willing to drive it.

Tiktaktoe · 16/10/2020 10:38

If both of your friends own the dog jointly why doesn't the other friend also try to get someone to care for the dog?
A simple, I don't have room in my car for the dog to be restrained as they need to be, so no.

Angelina82 · 16/10/2020 10:40

I think your friend had every intention of bringing the dog all along. As a dog lover it personally wouldn’t bother me too much (apart from the fact I think it unfair to cram the dog into the footwell for 2 hours). I do think it’s a bit of a piss take to assume you’d be ok with it though. I don’t know your friend, but if she’s the type to be thoughtful enough to at least clean/hoover up after her dog I would allow it on this occasion, but if she left your car covered in dog hairs I would definitely have something to say.

ImFree2doasiwant · 16/10/2020 10:41

Can you drive your friends car? Dog needs to be in a crate in the car ideally.

LonelyFromCorona · 16/10/2020 10:44

Is your friends car bigger? Use hers. If she can't drive, tell her to stump up some insurance for you to be able to drive

That or she can cover the cost of hiring a car

Refuse to drive if the situation will clearly be illegal. As the driver, you will be the one held responsible, not the passengers.

Florencex · 16/10/2020 10:46

Oh yes this is definitely deliberate. Booking kennels is the first thing I think of after I am considering a trip. In fact I usually book the kennels to make sure I can get in before making my own booking.

Trousersareoverrated · 16/10/2020 10:56

Can you drive her car? She will have to pay for you to be insured on it of course.

WildfirePonie · 16/10/2020 11:16

Can you call some local dog kennels and see if they have space? If they do then you can book the dog in and let your "friend" know.

I would say no. I don't like my own dog loose in my car and have a crate in the boot.

Reasons for no:
Risk of dog pooing in your car
Risk of dog throwing up in your car
Dog hair
Dog slobber
No room for the dog

I would cancel the entire holiday if it were me. I would refuse to be pushed into this. She is being very rude and I think hasn't sorted anything on purpose.

nancybotwinbloom · 16/10/2020 11:27

Depends on how much you want to go and how much having the dog will impact on your days away.

Will she pay to get the car valeted after you get back?

But no your not unreasonable to refuse. I say this as a dog owner myself.

I'd never take him to someone's house without prior agreement.

My friends massive dog came in my car once, I was out on the spot and felt like I had no choice. It was sick all over the seats.

kierenthecommunity · 16/10/2020 11:32

What sort of weekend we’re you planning? Travel aside, if it was a hiking and outdoor activity sort of break, the dog might be fun. But if you were planning shopping, drinking and chilling out, it sounds like it would be a huge PITA.

It’d be like bringing a baby along on a spa break or something

Sunnydaysstillhere · 16/10/2020 11:38

We are on holiday and have taken our 2 ddogs.. Collar /new tag /new coats /lead /harnesses. Had to get towels from a charity shop as ours got manky straight away. Pet back seat covers @25quid a pop. Bathed them evey other day to keep mud /smell /hair down in the car /cottage. A whole new dimension to our trip ime..
Yours will be altered too op.
If you allow it.

YouokHun · 16/10/2020 13:18

Agree with others who’ve mentioned the illegality of not restraining a dog correctly in a car. The other issue is that an unrestrained animal in the car can invalidate your insurance in an accident, so the massive fine wouldn’t be your only concern.

I also agree with others that she didn’t intend to leave the dog with anyone or pay for its care. She probably thought she’d present it late enough to be at fait accompli. I have a friend who owns a kennels and she is on her knees and crying out for residents short or long term and I don’t imagine she’s the only kennels business crying out for custom, so I think your friend hasn’t tried very hard. Personally I would say no; cite the fact your insurance requires the correct restrains, and therefore the dog needs a seat and therefore there’s not enough room. Also a dog has its own luggage; bed, food, bowls, lead etc etc.

Much as I love dogs they change completely the nature of a holiday as they can’t be left in even dog friendly accommodation or in the car for every long and will limit what you can do. A meal at a restaurant; they won’t be welcome in 99% of venues and do you want the dog in your car while you eat or distressed and damaging the accommodation because it’s been left for hours?

mrsmrt1981 · 16/10/2020 13:23

Where do you live? I would happily look after the dog for you.

MikeUniformMike · 16/10/2020 13:32

The solution would be for you to drive the 3 of you and the dog in your friend's car.

Sarahsah4r4 · 16/10/2020 13:34

Your so-called friend totally did this on purpose 🧐

Sarahsah4r4 · 16/10/2020 13:36

she has got upset claiming I'm being unreasonable
She's even pulled a darvo manoeuvre on you.... It's textbook, make sure this backfires on her so she doesn't take the piss out of you again

tulippa · 16/10/2020 14:02

Don't do it. I gave a friend a lift with his dog once. They can't have been in the car for more than 20 minutes. I was picking dog hairs out the upholstery for months afterwards.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/10/2020 14:04

Your 'friends' completely planned this.

Shitty little game to play, so I'd have no problem giving them a big fat nope.

It's against the fucking law to transport the dog like that, there isn't room to transport it legally so it's their problem to sort.

'What you're suggesting is illegal because it's dangerous. There isn't room to transport the dog safely in the car even if I was ok with putting it in there. So you're going to have to sort this differently. If you can hire a bigger car, or get me on the insurance of one big enough for the dog to be able to be restrained safely, that's fine - I'm perfectly willing to do that.'

Little shits! They're not good friends. Don't give in - it'll spoil the holiday anyway because you'll feel that they've treated you like shit.

Watermelon999 · 16/10/2020 14:13

It may end up being cancelled anyway as the rules in different areas keep changing.

Even so, it may be best to all travel separately at the moment anyway?

MJMG2015 · 16/10/2020 14:16

You don't have to have anyone/any pet/anything in YOUR car that you don't want.

I would assume your friend didn't want to find a pet sitter

However, why are you 3 travelling in a car together? No matter what 'tier' you are in, travelling in a car together is NOT a good idea.

Personally I'd take the dog & leave the 'friends' at home

SerendipityJane · 16/10/2020 14:19

@mrsmrt1981

Where do you live? I would happily look after the dog for you.
Even if that were possible and practical, it won't help the OP.

It won't help the OP because their "friend" has no intention whatsoever - and never did - of going on this holiday without the dog.

If the OP doubts this, they can ring up said "friend" with a made-up offer from their next door neighbour (or someone nearby) who has "offered to look after the dog". And wait for the list of reasons why that won't work for the OPs friend.

YellowJellyfish · 16/10/2020 14:37

I am also going on a weekend with the girls to a dog friendly cottage. I am also a dog owner and my stinking dog goes in my car with me!

Coincidentally one of my friends has been let down last minute and wanted to bring her dog with their. It's a big fat no from me. The whole point of going away with the girls is no stress and no responsibilities. And dogs are a huge responsibility, you'd have to take it with you if you went out. What is it barked if it was alone!

Nope nope nope! No dog!

wibdib · 16/10/2020 18:56

I’d say that spending lots of time enclosed in a small space would make your eyes itch and nose run making it unsafe to drive with a dog on the car.

I’d also ring around a few places that board dogs or go in to check on them (maybe even ask for recommendations on a local Facebook page) so you can turn around and say that you’ve solved the problem - it can go to the dog sitter.

Her reaction will tell you lots. If she doesn’t want to pay it’s suggests they were planning on the dogs coming all along!

Krampusasbabysitter · 16/10/2020 18:59

I love dogs but those are hideous, slobbery creatures and I would want them neither in my car or in the holiday accommodation.

1FootInTheRave · 16/10/2020 19:06

I adore dogs and this wouldn't really bother me. Although big no to the footwell, the dog needs a seat and proper safety restraints.

However, you are well within your rights to be pissed off and say no. It's a big ask of her and unfair for you to feel pressured.

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