Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To say he'll have to make other arrangements from now on

127 replies

GreggsSausageRollandaBrew · 14/10/2020 16:46

I'm WFH in a very high stress job. I am absolutely swamped and just trying to keep on top of everything. I feel so stressed.

My husband works for himself, outside of the home.

He seems to have decided that on his days with my SC, he will pick them up from school and drop them back off at the house with me whilst he goes back to work.

I am fucking fed up of it. The last 3 times this has happened has been spent shouting at them to be quieter, constant squealing and screaming from the other room, shouting that X did Y etc... Not listening to me when I tell them to go in separate rooms and just play quietly for a while.

The straw this afternoon was them deciding after being asked 4 times to be quiet as I was on calls, to get some plastic swords out that they have and start bashing them together and shouting/squealing.

I'm fucking sick of it. I've just shut my laptop down because I can't concentrate at all. I am furious that DH thinks he just gets to swan off back to work and leave me dealing with this.

AIBU to say that's it now, from now on he'll have to make other arrangements whether that's taking them back to work with him or coming home himself so he can police it himself.

I am so behind with work and I don't need to be dealing with this all the time as well.

They just don't fucking listen and I am done with it.

OP posts:

Sodamncold · 14/10/2020 17:24

How old are they?

Slightlybrwnbanana · 14/10/2020 17:25

Poor kids wanting to see their dad and let off steam and having to sit in another room and be quiet. They'd be better off in a club of some sort. What did he do with them in the past?

Iloveacurry · 14/10/2020 17:25

On the days you know they’re coming over, go and work at your mum's. He’ll have to deal with the kids then.

Shoxfordian · 14/10/2020 17:25

Tell them that his kids are his problem

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 14/10/2020 17:27

@nickelbabe

You are WORKING. They are HIS children.

How fucking dare he palm them off on you so that he can fuck off and do what he wants!!

No, this is fucking disrespectful - he spends time with then on his contact days and you work when you're working.
He is obviously conflating the fact you're at home to refuse to accept you're fucking working. That is not on and he needs to fuck off with that idea.

THIS!

Sodamncold · 14/10/2020 17:28

@Shoxfordian

Tell them that his kids are his problem

No don’t do this.

Presumably you love him?

And presumably he loves you.

So when alone ie the children don’t hear, you are absolutely up front. And together you work out something.

If he refuses then, well, it a shit relationship and I’d leave because he has bugger all respect for you

Sodamncold · 14/10/2020 17:29

@Iloveacurry

On the days you know they’re coming over, go and work at your mum's. He’ll have to deal with the kids then.

And don’t do this either!

For goodness sakes, just communicate.

His response will be very telling as to whether the relationship as a whole is worthwhile

Caroncanta · 14/10/2020 17:30

Did you tell him the first time they were being noisy?

ILovemyCatsSoSoMuch · 14/10/2020 17:31

Good god no! I feel bad enough inflicting my children on our nanny after school, and I pay her!!!!

jessstan1 · 14/10/2020 17:32

You don't say how old the children are but they can't be very old if still playing with plastic swords.

I agree with the others that you husband needs to step up however he should tell his children not to play you up, and mean it.

Berthatydfil · 14/10/2020 17:33

Omg he is being vvvvvvvv unreasonable. He has to organise childcare until he finishes work or rearrange his working day when he has contact so that he can finish in time to supervise them himself.

I think it maybe time to set up a workspace elsewhere on contact days. If you go to your mothers would he still drop them there? However if you are in an “office” workspace possibly shared with others he would find it more difficult.
Good luck

katy1213 · 14/10/2020 17:33

He wouldn't have got away with it the first time with me.

Newmumatlast · 14/10/2020 17:34

Yanbu. You wouldn't even be being unreasonable if they were your kids, in that you have a right to work too and would need to find a suitable solution for both of you as both of your responsibility. However here this is not at all on you. He is being cheeky and disrespectful to you

Devlesko · 14/10/2020 17:37

YANBU they have 2 parents, of which you are neither.
Can you see why he's someone else's ex now?

Eddielzzard · 14/10/2020 17:39

Def you should not be looking after his kids! He can sort them out. Go to your mums tomorrow so he's forced to.

Devlesko · 14/10/2020 17:40

He has no respect for women working, obviously only thinks men work.
Get rid, what a user.

shesgonebatshitagain · 14/10/2020 17:41

Drop them back off at their mother’s or his office

NewlyGranny · 14/10/2020 17:49

Just tell him you aren't free to host the DSC because you're at work and his idea that they would quietly entertain themselves in your house while you work and not be heard isn't working out as he imagined it would.

Tell him leaving them unsupervised is
too great a risk to take and there isn't an adult available to supervise unless he sends one in with them.

Tell him the reason you can't be responsible for them and work at the same time is the same reason he can't. Tell him he will need to make alternative arrangements immediately. Don't have any suggestions for what those could be.

Remind him you're a person, not an octopus or a team or a tribe!

Devlesko · 14/10/2020 18:05

Its ok that he's working on his contact time

Not without finding suitable childcare, why have contact time if you aren't there? Unless you have a skivvy who isn't even their parent to palm them off with.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/10/2020 18:06

Cheeky bastard. He needs to change his hours, wfh or work in the evening once your dscs are in bed.

TerribleLizard · 14/10/2020 18:10

I guess the idea is that they have more stuff to do here like they could play on the xbox or their separate screens upstairs in their rooms.

But that isn't happening, they are far too giddy when they get in and just wind each other up.*

I can see how this would work if they are older. But unless they are 100% responsible enough to be left together unsupervised (so not going to wind each other up etc) then I think this was naive of your husband, because you aren’t able to supervise.

If they were old enough to be unsupervised, I imagine they would make their own way, and let themselves in, rather than their dad picking them up, though.

Roselilly36 · 14/10/2020 18:11

yANBU OP, how old are your SC, do you have any children? Just asking as no way would have suggested to my DS’ to play with plastic swords without expecting trouble 😂

NotOfThisWorld · 14/10/2020 18:12

Of course YANBU. I can't believe he just decided this was OK without checking with you. Tell him you're working and it's not working.

NoProblem123 · 14/10/2020 18:18

You need to be ‘wfh’ somewhere else when this happens next - grab your laptop and coat and get out before he does.

‘Sorry, I need to finish this piece of work so I’m off to Starbucks for 3 hours, see you at dinner time, bye everyone...’ and exit stage left.

marveloustimeruiningeverything · 14/10/2020 18:18

FFS. Put them in the car and drive them to your DH's worksite and tell them they're his to sort.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6