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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

There is no I in team

94 replies

Noneofmybeeswax · 14/10/2020 15:37

I'm part of a social horse riding team, there are 5 of us and only 4 can ride at a time. We are 4 adults and 1 teenager competing in an adult league. We generally take it in turns to compete but I have the most competition experience so I let the others compete if they can all make it. We qualified for a championship and all of us were free. I let all the others have the slots and said I was happy to be reserve. For me, this team was always about having fun and encouraging people to get out there and try their best.

Unfortunately the teenager now cannot attend (genuine reason and there is absolutely no way round it). This was always highly likely to happen but it has been left to the eleventh hour and now her mum's asked if she can have my prize if we make the placings. (They don't have monetary value but are mementos that I keep.) If she hadn't asked I probably would have given it to her anyway but I feel a bit taken advantage of by initially giving up my place that they knew 2 weeks ago she would be highly unlikely to be able to compete and now being asked for anything we win. I know she's younger than the rest of us so I'm sympathetic but we are an adult team and her mum asked for the teen to join when we asked the mum about joining.
WWYD?

OP posts:
cliffdiver · 14/10/2020 15:38

... but there is a 'me'

sorry

LtGreggs · 14/10/2020 15:42

Just say 'sorry, I like to collect them from events I've competed in'.

Someone else will be along in a minute to suggest the even shorter answer, 'no'.

TeenPlusTwenties · 14/10/2020 15:43

I'd say no. What is the point of a memento of something they weren't at?

CSIblonde · 14/10/2020 15:46

What LtGreggs said. You don't get something for nothing is a valuable life lesson. Awful & grabby mentality.

Original poster
Noneofmybeeswax · 14/10/2020 15:49

Well I wasn't expecting this! I genuinely expected to be told "she's a child for gods sake, just give her the rosette and stop being selfish."

OP posts:
JoJoSM2 · 14/10/2020 15:49

Did the teenager contribute a lot to your team qualifying for the championship?

HUCKMUCK · 14/10/2020 15:50

I don’t understand the mentality of wanting a memento showing a win when you haven’t competed. What possible value is there to her having it!

Soubriquet · 14/10/2020 15:51

I think it would be nice for her to get the rosette but at the end of the day she isn’t competing.

You are

You have the choice of what you want to do, and if you want to keep it, do it. It’s yours

Original poster
Noneofmybeeswax · 14/10/2020 16:04

@JoJoSM2 no more than the rest of the team.

OP posts:
jetadore · 14/10/2020 16:06

There's no 'u' in team either.

Laurendelight · 14/10/2020 16:10

Just say you like to keep the mementos for yourself but you're sure her teenager can have the space next time.

FallonsTeaRoom · 14/10/2020 16:11

She's asking for a memento of something she hasn't done?

In that case I’d like my medal saying that I climbed K2 Hmm

ThatsHowItStarts · 14/10/2020 16:13

but there is a 'me'

You can't spell awesome without me!

OfTheNight · 14/10/2020 16:19

But there is an I in meat pie... meat is an anagram of team... sorry I love Shaun of the dead.
I can’t really see why she’d want a rosette if she couldn’t compete, it’s a bit weird? I’d just say no, and explain you keep them yourself as a memento of what you’ve achieved. Is her reason for not competing temporary? The only time I’d consider giving her my rosette is if she can’t ever compete again.

Carriemac · 14/10/2020 16:20

No ! Bad llife lesson to get the prize without competing

Original poster
Noneofmybeeswax · 14/10/2020 16:25

If we're quoting favourite lines I will refer you all to Vicky Pattinson's classic "but there is a "U" in C*" Shock
@OfTheNight it's medium term temporary, she's having an op and won't be able to ride/compete for about 4 months. We're heading into the "off season" for 3 months after the championship anyway.

OP posts:
lanthanum · 14/10/2020 16:27

If you are effectively always the reserve because you prioritise the others, then you only get a chance of a prize when one of them can't make it. If you give your prize to the person who can't make it each time, you'd never get one.

I agree that a rosette/whatever that you didn't actually play a part in winning seems a rather false memento. (Maybe she helped you qualify - but wasn't there anything from previous rounds?) What you might include her in is any publicity - eg photo of the winning team on your facebook page or in the local paper.

LoseLooseLucy · 14/10/2020 16:28

Haha... not a chance.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 14/10/2020 16:31

Why would she want it if she hasn’t competed? Confused

PolarBearStrength · 14/10/2020 16:31

I wouldn’t want a prize that I didn’t win. I always feel odd if I borrow a hoodie or T-shirt from my husband for an event I didn’t take part in! It would be even more strange to display a rosette or something!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 14/10/2020 16:31

You say teen... How old is she?

SnackRussell · 14/10/2020 16:34

Eh, how about no?

If you don’t compete in the competition you don’t get a place and you don’t get a prize!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all and the girl and her mother need to harden up to the reality of competition.

Original poster
Noneofmybeeswax · 14/10/2020 16:34

@BeingATwatItsABingThing 16. But not a "mature" 16

OP posts:
Crazycrazylady · 14/10/2020 16:35

Honestly I'd just I'd just ignore the request and hope she takes the hint.
A memento of about event she didn't take part in is pointless,

londonscalling · 14/10/2020 16:36

No! Just tell her that you'd like to keep it as you collect them for events you've taken part in!