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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dominic West, would you forgive after a public affair

154 replies

Pjsandbaileys · 13/10/2020 18:08

Seeing DW and his wife in the paper today got me thinking, would you have stood by your man so to speak? I think I would have forgave an affair, one affair, if the offender wanted to remain wholeheartedly in the marriage. I don't think I could forgive being paraded like poor DW's wife. I know I don't know the whole story it may be all very innocent, I don't know either of them obviously but I do feel for the women in the story.

OP posts:
SnackRussell · 14/10/2020 15:11

The entire story is very weird.

Bluntness100 · 14/10/2020 15:21

This thread has become utterly ridiculous off the back of a photo of him looking close to a young woman. You are all making things up . Please remember these are real people

As much as I agree that post was a rather bonkers leap. To be fair it was more than just a photo of him looking close to a young woman, I’m guessing you didn’t see them?. It was many photos. One of which he appeared to be kissing her neck. Another stroking her head, all of them showed what was clearly a couple. And none of them habe issued a denial. All they have said is they are still married etc.

Storyoftonight · 14/10/2020 15:26

@Bluntness100

This thread has become utterly ridiculous off the back of a photo of him looking close to a young woman. You are all making things up . Please remember these are real people

As much as I agree that post was a rather bonkers leap. To be fair it was more than just a photo of him looking close to a young woman, I’m guessing you didn’t see them?. It was many photos. One of which he appeared to be kissing her neck. Another stroking her head, all of them showed what was clearly a couple. And none of them habe issued a denial. All they have said is they are still married etc.

I did see them.

I suppose my point was that we know nothing other than these photos.

It could be a PR stunt. It could be an open marriage and she knew fine rightly. The photos could have made it look far worse than it was.

All of that aside , some of the abuse and vitriol towards the women - my personal favourites being what kind of a woman is LJ and what a t terrible example the wife is setting for her children as well as made up nonsense about DW and the type of person he must be - these are real people.

Storyoftonight · 14/10/2020 15:27

@Coffeeoverload

He is a TOTAL shit.

The poor woman, really feel for her. The things he's said about women and them needing to tolerate infidelity are really disgusting.

Also clearly has a thing for impregnating aristocrats then treating them badly. Smacks of grubby social climbing to boot.

Impregnating Grin because the wife played no role in choosing to raise four children.
CSIblonde · 14/10/2020 15:43

From experience of having had many,many male work colleagues just like him, she thinks if she keeps him on a long leash he'll stay, as its just sex. In reality it's insecurity,ego ,low boredom threshold & the thrill of the chase. He'll never get that out of his system. Sometimes by late 50's they get worn out with it & end up with a younger woman who won't take that shit. But thats rare.

brightonmyday · 14/10/2020 15:45

The photos could have been taken in a way that makes it look like more than it is, but why not just make a statement re we're just friends, I'm a touchy-feely person, nothing to worry about.

Pjsandbaileys · 14/10/2020 15:55

@storyoftonight I did originally assume it was a indecression at best and absolutely concede they may have an open marriage and are happy with the set up. I was more concerned with others reactions if their OH had done the same. Ironically I am divorced and there was another person involved they subsequently wanted to leave and continued the relationship after we split. I would most probably tried after an affair if it was fairly low key if my other half wanted to be committed to the marriage . I don't think I would have made any public declaration of togetherness etc and I definatley would not have my marrige it as a bizarre PR stunt not when that marriage involves a child/children.

OP posts:
Storyoftonight · 14/10/2020 15:57

[quote Pjsandbaileys]@storyoftonight I did originally assume it was a indecression at best and absolutely concede they may have an open marriage and are happy with the set up. I was more concerned with others reactions if their OH had done the same. Ironically I am divorced and there was another person involved they subsequently wanted to leave and continued the relationship after we split. I would most probably tried after an affair if it was fairly low key if my other half wanted to be committed to the marriage . I don't think I would have made any public declaration of togetherness etc and I definatley would not have my marrige it as a bizarre PR stunt not when that marriage involves a child/children.[/quote]
Don't get me wrong. None of them have covered themselves in glory.

Personally I couldn't forgive it and you asking that question is perfectly valid and a good discussing to hear other perspectives.

My posts are not aimed at you , rather to PP who have spiralled into utterly bizarre posts which are a sheer leap and seem to forget these are human beings with feelings.

Storyoftonight · 14/10/2020 15:59

@brightonmyday

The photos could have been taken in a way that makes it look like more than it is, but why not just make a statement re we're just friends, I'm a touchy-feely person, nothing to worry about.
Because (and I accept that the husband and wife performance was ridiculousl) Lily James doesn't have to. Despite my previous version of this stance resulting in a PP saying it must be OK to shag my husband , LJ owes the great British public diddly squat . It is none or our business and we have no idea what she has or hasn't said behind closed doors.
brightonmyday · 14/10/2020 16:25

*Storyoftonight I meant DW could have issued a statement not LJ - agree she doesn't have to. I think it would have worked better as damage limitation than a staged show of togetherness. Jeremy Irons has had similar photos in the press in the past and has responded by saying he just loves women, can't keep his hands off them, but it's only fun and he loves his wife, etc. Still sounds like a twat, but at least it's less humiliating for his family and he's not creating a new story.

FunDragon · 14/10/2020 16:34

People will trip over their own face trying to make the bad thing a man (and ow) does not bad. Look how he's just totally humiliated his wife, even if it was a film promo

Absolutely. And personally I don’t really get why it matters whether it’s an orchestrated stunt or an affair or something in between. It’s sordid behaviour whatever it is, especially from a father of four young children, and I don’t think a decent human being would have any part in it.

Storyoftonight · 14/10/2020 16:36

@brightonmyday

*Storyoftonight I meant DW could have issued a statement not LJ - agree she doesn't have to. I think it would have worked better as damage limitation than a staged show of togetherness. Jeremy Irons has had similar photos in the press in the past and has responded by saying he just loves women, can't keep his hands off them, but it's only fun and he loves his wife, etc. Still sounds like a twat, but at least it's less humiliating for his family and he's not creating a new story.
I agree .

Eww. Didn't know that.🤢

Andante57 · 14/10/2020 16:43

What price an Eton education?

I honestly don’t think a school has much to do with whether its alumni are faithful to their OHs.
Would you have said the same if he’d gone to Winchester College say?

brightonmyday · 14/10/2020 17:10

Andante57 yep, fair enough. I think it was in response to some of the stuff in the articles referring to his castle and wealthy/aristocratic connections, but I think (hope) there are lots of men who went to Eton, Winchester and any local comprehensive who don't shag around, as well as a few who do.

Beaverdam100 · 14/10/2020 17:34

I would not forgive an affair. He would be gone.

BlueJava · 14/10/2020 17:37

No, I wouldn't forgive that. I personally believe there is no way back after an affair, you'd be constantly "on watch".

Bluntness100 · 14/10/2020 17:41

It’s clearly not a pr stunt. That’s batshit. And even if they said it now no one would believe it. Because it’s clearly not.

And if was just friends then why didn’t he just issue a statement, and Lilly also, saying so and laughing it off.

So it’s exactly what it says on the tin.

The awkward kiss, the hiding their wedding ring fingers in their pockets, the ridiculous note she was clutching saying our marriage is strong, was led by the wife, you could see it in the body language.

What we don’t know is the back story there, what was going on in the marriage, why he was publicly acting like he was in a solid couple with Lilly. Nor is it any of our business.

GarlicSoup · 14/10/2020 17:45

@Gladysthesphinx

I think the spectacle in the papers today - DW and his wife kissing in front of photographers - was grotesque and undignified. It comes across purely as a display of male power - a stout slimy middle aged man showing that he can get away with treating women any shitty way he pleases and they still grovel around him puckering up for kisses.

I don’t believe in criticising a person for not having self respect - when you don’t have self respect it is because you have been treated badly. That display today was a flagrant example of a man exploiting a woman’s lack of self respect to show off how he can get away scot free with appalling behaviour. It was degrading. Showed him as utterly vile. What’s he done to this poor woman that she lets him treat her like that? She should get a dog instead.

What an example to their poor children.

Absolutely agree
GarlicSoup · 14/10/2020 17:48

He didn’t even have the decency to feign contriteness.

Crankley · 14/10/2020 17:49

I wouldn't forgive an affair, public or otherwise.

Bluntness100 · 14/10/2020 17:53

It comes across purely as a display of male power - a stout slimy middle aged man showing that he can get away with treating women any shitty way he pleases and they still grovel around him puckering up for kisses

See I think it was the opposite, I think the wife led it, she kissed him, he just took it, she was holding the note, it looked like a woman’s writing.

I think it’s the opposite. I think he did it because she made him.

Bluntness100 · 14/10/2020 17:54

And his wife didn’t pucker up for a kiss. He just stood there with his mouth closed and let her kiss him. He didn’t kiss her, or pucker up. It was her who did it.

tsmainsqueeze · 14/10/2020 17:55

Nothing on earth would persuade me to be photographed draped - [disgraced mp mode ] across my husband after his betrayal, i feel for any women in the public eye photographed like this but my 1st thought is always what about you and your self respect.
Why would you do this to make him feel / look better ?
I can't help but feel it makes the wife look like a complete doormat pushover.
Also totally true what previous people have said ,no one knows what goes on in someone else marriage .

Bluntness100 · 14/10/2020 18:08

Why would you do this to make him feel / look better

Why do you think that’s why she did it. And not because she’s doing the pick me dance and sending a message to the ow,, or because she’s worried about her kids, or because she doesn’t want people to think she was dumped for a younger model?

Why don’t you think she did it because that’s exactly what she wanted to do, and made him go along with it.

Sandii · 14/10/2020 18:20

What a humiliating spectacle .....no one’s that interested luv 🙄