Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dominic West, would you forgive after a public affair

154 replies

Pjsandbaileys · 13/10/2020 18:08

Seeing DW and his wife in the paper today got me thinking, would you have stood by your man so to speak? I think I would have forgave an affair, one affair, if the offender wanted to remain wholeheartedly in the marriage. I don't think I could forgive being paraded like poor DW's wife. I know I don't know the whole story it may be all very innocent, I don't know either of them obviously but I do feel for the women in the story.

OP posts:
ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 13/10/2020 22:28

No

I’ve been through the most difficult times alone I know I will be fine

RaingodsWithZippos · 13/10/2020 22:37

I know its an unpopular opinion (and I've been cheated on before and it fucking hurt) but I probably could get past an affair if it was just lust, sex, infatuation. If the marriage was otherwise happy and I loved him wholeheartedly. If the affair was a love thing though, or he was otherwise abusive or I was unhappy, then it would be the end.

When I was cheated on, it was an ex and towards the end of an abusive relationship so although it was painful and humiliating, it also made me free and I met my DH not long after. He had also been charged on and never understood my stance when I said that I could get past an affair - his view was very much that if I cheated then that would be it. Everyone is different I guess.

RaingodsWithZippos · 13/10/2020 22:38

Cheated on not charged on... Hmm

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/10/2020 22:44

The whole thing is gross. And no, I wouldn’t forgive being cheated on, especially not so publicly.

janeyloves · 13/10/2020 22:50

I feel really embarrassed for her. He's made her look pathetic by forcing her into that little performance.

rainbowninja · 13/10/2020 22:56

I was initially shocked but then realised that none of the pics actually show DW and LJ kissing although they obviously look very close and flirty. I wondered if it's because they are actors and normal boundaries have been crossed?

The statement to the press is meaningless surely? Just their way of telling everyone that there is nothing to gossip about so that they'll leave them alone

nancybotwinbloom · 13/10/2020 23:08

Would I fuck.

An affair not on the public eye?!

No. Not for a second.

CMS. Pension. I'd go for the lot.

The cheeky bastard.

nancybotwinbloom · 13/10/2020 23:11

In the public eye I mean.

I wouldn't forgive it out of the public eye but his wife will have to deal with that forever. Not just with people who know her but everyone.

Storyoftonight · 13/10/2020 23:54

@FunDragon

One who can do as she bloody well likes

Should we all behave however we like? With no regard to the effects of our actions on other people?

Can I shag your husband? I’d ‘bloody well like’ to.

The question was what kind of woman it makes lily James to be seen in photos flirting at best with a man older than her who is married. The horrorShock

Nobody on this thread actually knows at this point what has gone on - this could be a PR stunt for a film.

Shagging my husband is a bit of a leap.

What have been the effects of Lily's behaviour on the wife who was seen grinning with her husband in the papers this morning ? Pray tell.

My point is , it's none of your or our fucking business and it's pretty rogue for someone to ask what kind of woman Lily is when in reality we haven't a clue what is going on.

Incidentally, has anyone considered the vitriol Lily will be getting while these pair pose for their photo shoot...?

Storyoftonight · 14/10/2020 00:01

@janeyloves

I feel really embarrassed for her. He's made her look pathetic by forcing her into that little performance.
You haven't got a clue if he forced her to do anything.
TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara · 14/10/2020 00:25

If he cheated and I decided to stay, there would be none of the "we're still together and oh, look how happy we still are, all's forgiven, tra la la" business. Revolting.

I hope for her sake that there was an innocent explanation. The whole thing seems odd. If he was only filming, what was all that about her being devastated?

Bouledeneige · 14/10/2020 00:37

Honestly. Been there. Kicked him out ASAP.

I am appalled by what he has made her do. He is disgusting and she needs to be freed from his control. There is no innocent way to interpret the photos. He's just a nasty dirty lying sleaze bag. I am actually gob snaked that women still let themselves be 'paraded' like this. I wholeheartedly agree with the use of that word. Women need to take back control.

trixiebelden77 · 14/10/2020 02:12

I don’t know. I’d like to think I’d kick him out - but it’s been so good for so long that I would struggle I think. I hope to never find out. Poor woman she looks so uncomfortable.

BlackForestCake- if you want to contribute to a thread about someone of whom you’ve never heard (I can’t imagine why you would, but clearly you wished to), it’s probably easiest just to google them. Then you can make a proper comment with an opinion of some kind.

FunDragon · 14/10/2020 07:03

@Storyoftonight

I don’t think the reason matters that much. Even if it’s an organised PR stunt I wouldn’t think much of either of them.

And that wasn’t your original point. You said Lily can do ‘what she bloody well likes’. I just don’t think people should do ‘what they bloody well like’.

I personally wouldn’t have inappropriate physical contact with a married father of young children (you missed out that bit) twenty years my senior. In a Rome, during a pandemic. Whatever the reason - PR stunt or affair - I just wouldn’t do it, and I don’t think much of someone who would.

cherrybakewellll · 14/10/2020 07:18

He and Lily aww filming/promoting a film called The Affair.

It's a horrible publicity stunt.

cheesemongery · 14/10/2020 07:20

I've gone right off him purely for that smug smile yesterday - looked like an abuser.
The photos were odd, I was looking at the body language on the scooter, there is a clear gap between them although he is leaning over her to steer obviously. If I was loved up having an illicit weekend away (ha!!) I'd expect more body contact so to speak - not sure how to phrase that.
The whole press thing afterwards... Just weird, his poor wife looks completely controlled. It's not like they're the royal family or PM and wife (another ha!)

IhateBoswell · 14/10/2020 08:19

What kind of women knowingly fools around with a married father of four twenty years her senior?

An absolute skank IMHO.

One who can do as she bloody well likes

What a bizarre response.

JamminDoughnuts · 14/10/2020 08:26

who says it was an affair?

JamminDoughnuts · 14/10/2020 08:27

the press showed a picture of a kiss with west and lily james, however on closer looking, it was not a kiss.
storm in a tea cup

PicsInRed · 14/10/2020 08:29

People will trip over their own face trying to make the bad thing a man (and ow) does not bad. Look how he's just totally humiliated his wife, even if it was a film promo the fuck it was. Hmm

With this amount of gaslighting and people question why Catherine hasn't booted him out? This thread is a microcosm of our society, that's why she hasn't booted him (yet).

I bet she's secretly in talks with high powered family law solictors within the week. Getting her...ducks in a row. Grin

Bluntness100 · 14/10/2020 08:39

I don’t think she was paraded. I think he was. I’d guess that little photo opp was led by her. Not him. He looked like he was going along with it. I think she has made a panicked decision.

It was a very bad one too, she would have been better to just keep her head down and her dignity, and not come out clutching that little letter and kissing him like that. However I’d guess she’s not thinking straight and felt it was a way to put it all to bed. Maybe also impacted by the fact they have four kids who she wished to allay concern for.

It was a terrible idea, and I can’t think what he was thinking being so openly over the side like that in Italy.

DisneyMillie · 14/10/2020 08:56

Have (or rather am trying to) forgiven an affair but if my dh looked that smug after being found out there’s no way - I’d imagine his wife is not thinking clearly currently - he should be protecting her from this if he’s truly remorseful not parading them

Ratonastick · 14/10/2020 09:06

I saw it a little differently, I think that was her taking control of the narrative. He can’t now say that they had already split or the marriage was on the rocks or any of that face-saving PR fluff to stop his public status from freefalling. All he now has is that he is a lying cheating bastard who publicly shat on the mother of his children with a woman half his age. I hope she chooses to sling him out in the future, but only when she has her ducks in a row and the time is right for her.

VestaTilley · 14/10/2020 09:11

I don’t think I could forgive at all, never mind when it’s public.

I’ve never understood women who stay when it’s public either; hardly sending a good message to the children.

I appreciate I’ve not (yet, here’s hoping it doesn’t happen) been in this situation- so I’m sure the reality is very different if it happens to you.

Livelovebehappy · 14/10/2020 09:15

He has clearly checked out of the marriage. He wasn’t even trying to hide the affair. I think we all know how this will pan out; the marriage will limp on for a couple of months. He will exit to ‘think’ about whether the marriage can be saved. Marriage ends. A couple of months later, surprise surprise, he is in a ‘new’ relationship with.......Lilly.