Partner would prefer I got the tube with my 5 year old rather pick us up by car to visit him.

[Lolly19842015]

Now I've never minded getting the tube to his and have done so from the beginning of our relationship but since the pandemic I've been scared to take my 5 year old on the tube and have asked him to pick us up. He has but not before suggesting the train every single time first. I feel bad asking him but I feel even worse thinking he doesn't care enough to pick us like it's such a big effort and he would rather spend an hour each way to get us on the train rather than drive 45 mins each way. Am I being unreasonable or does he just not care enough?

Sorry I think you should take it in turns, if he's been getting you since the pandemic thats nearly 7 months, if it's once a week that's a lot. Depends on how often you see each other, I would suggest tube one visit, car the next

An hour and a half drive each way is a long journey, when you could catch the tube. I think either he visits you or you catch the tube.

Your transport issues are not his problem to solve though. You're an adult. Children are at very little risk. Facemask and handsanitizer and learn to drive.

It’s a lot of effort just to date someone. I’d be put off a man who expected me to play chauffeur.

I use the tube all the time. It's always fairly empty if you avoid rush hour.

Just bring santizer.

I get that he might not want to drive.
I get that you do not want to take the tube.

In your situation I’d invite him to mine instead and if he declines then we won’t see each other.

NB I love the tube, I used it every day. I now only use London transport if imperative and not with my toddler, I don’t want DC touching anything and I can not control it getting packed if for example another line goes down.

I take the tube regularly with my 5 year old. Just wear a mask and make sure you both sanitise your hand. For the most part, people on the tube adhere to social distancing. The very odd time, I see someone without a mask and I simply move away from that person. Unless you are in a vulnerable category then really you should be fine on the tube. Incidentally if it helps, the number of children in the UK that have died from COVID without any underlying conditions is precisely 0.

I'm sooooo confused

So it's a 1.5 hour journey or a 2 hour journey round trip? And he picks the longer one?

To be clear I understand why He might not want to do 2 round trips to collect and drop you off, it’s a lot of driving.

I’m not totally paranoid (I don’t think) re Covid but I’m in for essentials only as I don’t want any of us to get ill with anything just now if we can help it.

I think OP is saying the journey is 45 minutes in the car (so her partner would have 1.5 hour round trip to pick her up) or 1 hour on the tube.

So the journey is longer for OP by tube but only slightly. Whereas the partner has a 1.5 hour journey compared to no journey at all.

It seems like too long of a journey, either way. I wouldn't want to have to travel 45 minutes or an hour every time we wanted to see one another. Unless there are plans for one or both of you to relocate, that would make me seriously reconsider the whole relationship.

True, before we were married, DH and I rarely saw one another in person at all because we lived in different countries, but on the other hand, we weren't commuting 45 minutes on a regular basis. That just sounds so unpleasant!

Anyway, I'd suggest he comes to you at least half the time, since you have a small child who's also being inconvenienced by all the travel. Is his place bigger/better than yours?

So it's 45 minutes directly to your house, and 1 hour to the train station to his house? Is it that he's trying to avoid driving to a 'city centre' that makes him want to pick you up at a train station that's 15 minutes further? Either way, you're talking 2 separate round trip drives of close to 2 hours each. There/back to pick you up plus there/back to drop you off. That's 4 hours behind the wheel! So it IS 'such a big effort' and you are wrong for thinking it isn't!

Is the 5 year old his child? Because that would be the only reason I'd even consider doing that drive on a routine basis. Personally, if the child wasn't mine, I'd consider you 'geographically undesirable' and I'd suggest you either get a driver's license and share the drive or I'd seriously consider ending the relationship.

I read it as OP has a 2 hour round trip there and back.

If partner drives then it’s x4 45 min drives to collect and take home.

I’m finding London traffic a bit scetchy at the moment - tailbacks at random times (congestion extension?) so depending on where and when 45mins might be much longer.

Have you offered to pay petrol?

The the tube or a cab or learn to drive. You’re not really being fair here or making any sort of effort to take responsibility for your own travel.

I think it's probably just different perceptions of risk. You see the tube as risky so from your perspective it's definitely worth it for him to come and drive you. From his point of view you're at no risk on the tube so he'd be spending an hour and a half of his time to save you 15 minutes.

YABU and expecting too much. You’ve no reason to worry so much about the tube if you’re not vulnerable.

I guess you don't drive? YABU. It's a long journey to do very often and you're not vulnerable. You need to meet up at your house or sort your own transport out.

Why don't you drive?

Acrossthepond55
I love this - might have use it one time 😂😂😂
I'd consider you 'geographically undesirable'

Tube often isn’t quiet, not on weekends on northern and Victoria lines. Last Sunday there was standing room only. Depends which routes you are going.

YANBU- taking public transport isn't advised during Corona unless it can't be avoided (i.e. for work etc.)

I wouuld tell him you aren't comfortable taking public transport, you haven't been happy with it anyway and should've acted on the governmental advice from the start and will in future, and have realized this after the recent rise in cases.

If he wants to see you he can pick you up or come to you. It will also be a way of learning how commited he is.

Even if your son doesn't get major symptoms if he gets it, it wouldn't be good for you to catch it as you have DC to look after, which is harder when ill.

If he wants to see you he can pick you up or come to you. It will also be a way of learning how commited he is.

I'm with AcrossThePond and the boyfriend probably being geographically unavailable anyway.

But I don't understand this ultimatum. The natural retort is for boyfriend to point out that OP is clearly not that committed if she won't come to his house unless he does all the driving.

How often is it? Can he not come to yours? Have you offered the patrol money? Are either of you vulnerable?

A few more answers probably needed to decide

Confused here when did a person constitute a partner when not living together I thought that was a boyfriend??

@Lolly19842015 if you are not comfortable find another boyfriend would be my advice.

Some 'partner' he is who doesn't want to drive 45 minutes to pick you and his child up, especially at the moment.