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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend made a comment about my looks.

94 replies

DaisySweets11 · 12/10/2020 21:38

We have been together a year and we are both 26.
My boyfriend was out with his friends last night in a beer garden as it was on of their birthdays (3 of them were out).
He got very drunk.
He came home about 9 but they were drinking early. He doesn't usually drink on Sundays but they all have Monday (today) off so decided to make the most of it.

Anyway to the point of the Aibu.

Boyfriend came home very drunk and one of the first things he said to me was that him and his friends were speaking about me. He said he thinks one of his friends like me. He then said I'm pretty but I'm not super super pretty. This hurt as I don't care what his friends think of me but I want my own boyfriend to think i'm gorgeous.

He then started saying how I don't show him I love him and want to be with him and that I'm obviously messaging other people and that my bag shows I want to be single.

I had no idea what he was talking about as I have given no indication that I am cheating - since covid I haven't even been out drinking and only see my best friend every so often. Also I adore him and I think I make it quite obvious.

He apologised a lot this morning and said he thinks I'm the most beautiful girl and he was just being a stupid drunk.
But I still feel quite sad about what he said.

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 12/10/2020 21:41

Do you live together?

ShashukaSally · 12/10/2020 21:42

Your bag?

Original poster
DaisySweets11 · 12/10/2020 21:43

@ShashukaSally yes my bag - bear in mind he was very drunk - so no I don't get how a bag can make someone seem single haha

OP posts:
SBTLove · 12/10/2020 21:44

Eh? do you have some special bag?
Him and his pals sound like immature twats.

HMSSophie · 12/10/2020 21:44

Blimey he was pissed and talked shit, probably angling for a row. Forget it. He's apologised. Most people have things they regret having said while pissed.

redcarbluecar · 12/10/2020 21:45

Doesn’t sound like the drink did him too many favours there. Hope you managed to make your feelings very clear.

Original poster
DaisySweets11 · 12/10/2020 21:46

My bag is just a black bag with a checkered pattern inbedded in it hahah

OP posts:
inappropriateraspberry · 12/10/2020 21:46

Well, he was drunk and talking rubbish. I'd forget about it for now.
If he keeps bringing up this strange things then I'd be more concerned, but for now, I'd take it as a one off, drunken moment!

Asterion · 12/10/2020 21:47

He then started saying how I don't show him I love him and want to be with him and that I'm obviously messaging other people and that my bag shows I want to be single.

Is your bag emblazoned with "I want to be single"? Hmm

Original poster
DaisySweets11 · 12/10/2020 21:48

I wasn't expecting the bag to get so much attention but you've all started to make me see a bit more of a funny side to the argument hahah

OP posts:
ferntwist · 12/10/2020 21:49

Red flags OP. He was trying to get a reaction by hurting your feelings. Also he’s way too jealous. Not the way someone who cares about you should behave.

Delatron · 12/10/2020 21:49

Sounds like he was taking his insecurities out on you. He also sounds a bit jealous of his friend?

Anyway, I’d let it go this time as it was the drink talking. It’s something I’d be wary of if it happened again though . I had a boyfriend who would try to criticise my looks and be very jealous. He was really insecure.

SBTLove · 12/10/2020 21:49

Oh maybe we should all get this bag!!

ShashukaSally · 12/10/2020 21:50

Sounds like he was just drunken rambling
Go out with your mate and do same to him next weekend

Original poster
DaisySweets11 · 12/10/2020 21:50

He's not insecure when he's sober though and this is the first time I've seen a slightly more "nastier?" side to him whilst drunk.
In fact, he usually highlights that he's not an insecure or jealous person.
Plus, when sober he's never given me any insecure or jealous vibes which is why I was taken aback by what he was saying

OP posts:
FamBae · 12/10/2020 21:51

I think his friend saying he likes you has effected him more than he would like to admit.

shivermetimbers77 · 12/10/2020 21:56

I would be upset by this too OP. You’re not being unreasonable to be hurt but I would say note it in your mind, move on but be aware if these critical comments become part of a pattern and end the relationship swiftly if they do.

Ohtherewearethen · 12/10/2020 21:57

Maybe his friend said a bit more than he let on and it made him feel insecure so came up with this pathetic way of, in his eyes, bringing you down a peg or two. Not that that's any excuse, he's an arse for saying what he did, but I'd bet this is more to do with how he feels about his friend than you. It's just a shame, in his drunken state, that he ended up making you feel like shit.

Deadringer · 12/10/2020 22:03

He was drunk and stupid. I have said and done much worse to my dh and vice versa when under the influence and we have lasted over 30 years together. Unless this turns into a regular thing i would forget about it.

Thurmanmurman · 12/10/2020 22:06

He was pissed and he apologised. He was likely jealous/insecure that his friends find you attractive and it came out as an incoherent rant. You’ll get people on here telling you to LTB but in all honesty, everyone is capable of acting like a dick after one to many. Move on.

Throckmorton · 12/10/2020 22:07

Hang on - HE highlights that he's not jealous or insecure?! Normal people don't feel the need to advertise those things! If he's telling you he's not jealous and insecure I'd wonder if he actually is and he's trying to convince you otherwise

lavenderlove · 12/10/2020 22:07

I think his friend has said more than he has let on and he's been a bit jealous, not that it excuses him from being so rude. I would've probably replied with oh that's a shame you don't think that but at least your friend thinks I'm super super pretty Smile

LightUpLetters · 12/10/2020 22:10

A drunk mind speaks a sobers heart.

PigletJohn · 12/10/2020 22:17

I can't understand it but I think his drunk "friend" upset him.

CorianderLord · 12/10/2020 22:19

I'm in two minds.

Sometimes I make up stupid shit when I'm drunk. I started talking about Germany the other day and how Germans didn't like me - I was very drunk and I don't know any Germans!

But on the other hand I would also be hurt by this.

Considering the bag comment it's more likely he was just wankered and his brain was taking him down the cookoo path.

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