Boyfriend made a comment about my looks.

[DaisySweets11]

We have been together a year and we are both 26.
My boyfriend was out with his friends last night in a beer garden as it was on of their birthdays (3 of them were out).
He got very drunk.
He came home about 9 but they were drinking early. He doesn't usually drink on Sundays but they all have Monday (today) off so decided to make the most of it.

Anyway to the point of the Aibu.

Boyfriend came home very drunk and one of the first things he said to me was that him and his friends were speaking about me. He said he thinks one of his friends like me. He then said I'm pretty but I'm not super super pretty. This hurt as I don't care what his friends think of me but I want my own boyfriend to think i'm gorgeous.

He then started saying how I don't show him I love him and want to be with him and that I'm obviously messaging other people and that my bag shows I want to be single.

I had no idea what he was talking about as I have given no indication that I am cheating - since covid I haven't even been out drinking and only see my best friend every so often. Also I adore him and I think I make it quite obvious.

He apologised a lot this morning and said he thinks I'm the most beautiful girl and he was just being a stupid drunk.
But I still feel quite sad about what he said.

I’d normally say LTB. I had a night where my EH said “my mate wonders why I’m with such a fat bird but I told him you don’t look at the mantelpiece when you’re stocking the fire!” (Should have run away there and then )
but I had my eyes opened when my son got so drunk that he was adamant that I was his friend ‘Emma’ everyone was telling him , no that’s your mum! So if he was that level drunk don’t listen to a word he said. But if he wasn’t only you will know.

He secretly feels you can do better so his friend saying you're pretty hit a nerve. So he decided to bring you down a peg or too so you don't get ideas & leave him. Im not sure i'd want to be with someone who thinks undermining me is a good tactic to make me stay with them. Alcohol can be a truth serum .

Not sure I see a funny side personally. Making a joke of it disguises what it shows about him that I wouldn't be so quick to ignore. Misogynistic and pathetic conversations about womens looks, insecurity and paranoia that he is quick to reflect onto you, hurtful comments about your looks, ridiculous sentiments that what a woman wear reflects her status or intentions . I wonder if a bag that makes you look single comes from the same sartorial book of logic as an outfit that makes a woman seem she is 'asking for it's.

I'm not surprised you're sad OP, I would be too if I'd realised I'd set up shop with a sad little misogynist who puts me down, weighs my looks up with his puerile mates and blames it on alcohol. Unless he plans to never drink again I can't see how that would comfort anyone.

Sorry OP, he sounds a twat.

The old saying about a drunk man's words being the real truth is a load of shit. I say completely batshit stuff when I'm very drunk - things that mean absolutely nothing and bear no relation to how I actually feel. I have been mortified on a few occasions.

This is why I always limit myself to 3 glasses of wine these days...

Anyway, if your boyfriend is normally lovely, doesn't usually do this, and he says that he's sorry, then I would accept his apology and forget about it.

The bag thing is hilarious.

He just said stupid shit while drunk. Ignore it, forgive him and move on.

Threads like this make me glad I'm not a teenager anymore.

of course on here you will be told to leave him and a woman would never do this in a million years, women never get drunk and jealous of me but if they do it is the man's fault for her being insecure.

Why are there always comments like these? Literally no one has said LTB and most have said forget it, he was drunk.

So why are there always “if genders were reversed” as a way to assert MN hates men comments?

@LightUpLetters

A drunk mind speaks a sobers heart.

I was reading about a study they did that backs this up

www.rehabs.com/blog/drunk-talk-isnt-just-nonsense-says-study/

I don't think this was harmless drunken nonsense. He is putting you in your place by grading your looks. And he's assessing your looks with his friends. I don't like the sound of this at all. Very objectifying.

Why does his friend saying you're pretty make him insecure? And why is that a good reason for him 'bringing you down a peg or two?' If someone said my husband was was hot I'd feel a bit of pride for him! I certainly wouldn't come home and tell him he was uglier than he thought!

Fuck me I'd run for the fucking hills from any guy who thought I ever needed bringing down. A partner should boost you up, always, and always want you to feel good about yourself.

While you might move on from it op you will never forget this and deep down you will always know that's what he thinks.

I accept that people can talk shite when pissed.

I think that happens.

What I don't accept is,
that everyone puts their partner down, belittle's them,
takethem down a peg or two,
makes snide remarks.

Some people do. For sure.

But I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who dealt with THEIR insecurities by being snide to me when they drank.

That would make me wary of them.

Talking shite is NOT the same as being snide and belittling.

If it is a one off I'd let it go.
I'm sure DP had a night of drunken idiot behaviour at some point.
Like everything it only deserves one chance.

Is it a Chanel bag?

I think drunk people speak the truth.

I'd be tempted to buy the bag in a few other colours and see his reaction.

@billy1966

Agree with above.

He isn't super secure and confident, particularly having mentioned that he is🙄

His friend does fancy you.
He's pissed off and manages his insecurity by trying to put you down.

You have every right to be disappointed in him.
To take note.
To tell him, if you wish.
Don't feel wrong for being disappointed either.

It's not a dumping offense, but it definitely would be his card marked for me.

I would be very wary of any man who feels the need to put someone down because of their insecurities.

Good luck OP.

I think this says what I wanted to say.

The fact that he's said he's not insecure or jealous basically screams that he is. If he really wasn't, he'd never feel the need to say it, it would simply show up in his basic personality, attitudes, etc.

His friend may or may not fancy you, but in his head he thinks his friend does, so that's probably behind the comments to you. No idea what the bag stuff is about, though.

I'd be watching his behaviour for now, looking at any other negging he might be doing that you haven't clocked yet.

A drunk mind speaks a sobers heart.

Sorry but I have to disagree as well. A drunk mind speaks absolute over exaggerated rubbish when It's mine my heart doesn't even recognise my drunk mind, let alone have a clue what it's going on about.

God, the absolute bollocks some of my friends come out with when drunk. I think some people just say shit for the sake of saying it without it actually having any baring on reality.

Wouldn’t stop me being incredibly pissed off with the knob though!

tbh you lost me at boyfriend who gets drunk. I'd leave him just for that.