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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend made a comment about my looks.

94 replies

DaisySweets11 · 12/10/2020 21:38

We have been together a year and we are both 26.
My boyfriend was out with his friends last night in a beer garden as it was on of their birthdays (3 of them were out).
He got very drunk.
He came home about 9 but they were drinking early. He doesn't usually drink on Sundays but they all have Monday (today) off so decided to make the most of it.

Anyway to the point of the Aibu.

Boyfriend came home very drunk and one of the first things he said to me was that him and his friends were speaking about me. He said he thinks one of his friends like me. He then said I'm pretty but I'm not super super pretty. This hurt as I don't care what his friends think of me but I want my own boyfriend to think i'm gorgeous.

He then started saying how I don't show him I love him and want to be with him and that I'm obviously messaging other people and that my bag shows I want to be single.

I had no idea what he was talking about as I have given no indication that I am cheating - since covid I haven't even been out drinking and only see my best friend every so often. Also I adore him and I think I make it quite obvious.

He apologised a lot this morning and said he thinks I'm the most beautiful girl and he was just being a stupid drunk.
But I still feel quite sad about what he said.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 12/10/2020 23:10

He would make me want to be single. It would be a much better life.

What a twat.

Janegrey333 · 12/10/2020 23:11

A bag is an indicator of what exactly?!

Tillygetsit · 12/10/2020 23:12

@ViciousJackdaw Grin

PickAChew · 12/10/2020 23:13

Too many people minimising the drunk talking. Alcohol removes inhibitions. It doesn't give people new ideas.

newnameforthis123 · 12/10/2020 23:15

I would be very wary of any man who feels the need to put someone down because of their insecurities.

Lots of people talk shit when they're drunk, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who said nasty, spiteful things when drunk.

Fairyliz · 12/10/2020 23:19

What’s his friend like, is he the hot one who gets all the girls?
Sounds like your boyfriend is feeling insecure to me and worried you might fancy his friend more.

Planty13 · 12/10/2020 23:19

His friend has made him insecure. I’d have a good talk with him

Porridgeoat · 12/10/2020 23:20

I think it upset him that his friend found you attractive and liked you.

Original poster
DaisySweets11 · 12/10/2020 23:22

If you google 'black quilted bag' it basically is a bag like that - I got confused with checkered and quilted Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
DaisySweets11 · 12/10/2020 23:23

No his friend is not my type at all - I've known his friend for years and he isn't a stereotypically goodlooking guy - he has an unusual look to him if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 12/10/2020 23:26

Have you not questioned him about the bag comment?!

Nikori · 12/10/2020 23:27

I once told me boyfriend that I thought he might be gay when I was drunk. I have absolutely no idea why I said that as I have never ever thought that, but I was utterly wasted and I don't drink at all now. I still cringe to think about it.

I would say that your boyfriend is maybe a bit more insecure than he lets on, but I wouldn't necessarily say this is a big deal. He was probably just talking shite with his mates and is mortified now.

neveradullmoment99 · 12/10/2020 23:28

I cant get by the bag comment!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/10/2020 23:29

He is annoyed and jealous because one of his friends fancies you, so he was trying to take you down a peg or two.

Italiangreyhound · 12/10/2020 23:30
Thanks
ViciousJackdaw · 12/10/2020 23:32

I wonder if the bag comment was made in an Austin Powers 'This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby' way?

Wales34 · 12/10/2020 23:33

It sounds like he was feeling insecure and tried to put you down as he was smashed , don't think anymore about it !!

Somethingkindaoooo · 12/10/2020 23:34

Can I have the bagin blue please?

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/10/2020 23:35

I agree that the friend rattled your boyfriend and so he did the usual drunken man thing, try to throw him off by saying some thing not so nice about you.

Honestly, I’ve heard worse. One time friend A said to friend B that friend Bs girlfriend was “smoking hot” and how he wished he could have her waiting at home for him. Friend A responded “you wouldn’t be able to put up with her shit.”

I think they react like that out of some territorial instinct. So it’s say what ever you can to get another interested man be uninterested/scared off as quick as possible.

The girlfriend in question isn’t present and is not supposed to ever hear about what was said. Not saying it’s right that men do this, but ive observed this and think it comes from them being insecure and not wanting another man in competition with them over a woman they both like.

BusterGonad · 12/10/2020 23:37

If drunk people speak the truth (total bollocks imo) then a black quilted bag should only me worn by singletons. Everyone needs to bear this in mind when bag shopping please.

Mellonsprite · 12/10/2020 23:41

Well I don’t know how the hell he made the leap from quilted bag bag to get I’m single! I once had a bag shaped like a bustier / corset now that was a bag that said I’m single!
I’d be in my guard for any more ‘drink speak’ from now on.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/10/2020 00:03

"In fact, he usually highlights that he's not an insecure or jealous person."

How exactly did he raise this particular topic of conversation?

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 13/10/2020 00:06

I know he was drunk, but perhaps he was listening to Dr Hook on his way home? And perhaps he just noticed the “fuck me now” in capitals on the side of your handbag?. 😂😂

ilikemethewayiam · 13/10/2020 00:07

Show him @ViciousJackdaw’s bag and tell him you want it for Xmas!

Bbub · 13/10/2020 00:14

I agree with everyone who has said it was his insecurities showing (he's obviously hidden them well until now) , and as long as its not regular hopefully you can move past it.

The bag thing is absolutely hilarious though and proves he was just talking shite in general.