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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boyfriend made a comment about my looks.

94 replies

DaisySweets11 · 12/10/2020 21:38

We have been together a year and we are both 26.
My boyfriend was out with his friends last night in a beer garden as it was on of their birthdays (3 of them were out).
He got very drunk.
He came home about 9 but they were drinking early. He doesn't usually drink on Sundays but they all have Monday (today) off so decided to make the most of it.

Anyway to the point of the Aibu.

Boyfriend came home very drunk and one of the first things he said to me was that him and his friends were speaking about me. He said he thinks one of his friends like me. He then said I'm pretty but I'm not super super pretty. This hurt as I don't care what his friends think of me but I want my own boyfriend to think i'm gorgeous.

He then started saying how I don't show him I love him and want to be with him and that I'm obviously messaging other people and that my bag shows I want to be single.

I had no idea what he was talking about as I have given no indication that I am cheating - since covid I haven't even been out drinking and only see my best friend every so often. Also I adore him and I think I make it quite obvious.

He apologised a lot this morning and said he thinks I'm the most beautiful girl and he was just being a stupid drunk.
But I still feel quite sad about what he said.

OP posts:

Lollyneenah · 12/10/2020 22:20

He was trying to make you feel crap because his friends have noticed you're attractive. It was a dick move.

CorianderLord · 12/10/2020 22:22

Also sounds like his pal was going on about how stunningly gorgeous you are and it's wound your Bf up so he's like ' you're pretty, but not supermodel, have to steal her from home pretty' and it came out wrong in his drunkenness

CorianderLord · 12/10/2020 22:24

@LightUpLetters

A drunk mind speaks a sobers heart.

Absolutely not true. I've made up plenty of shite and cried over many perceived issues when drunk that honestly are total poppycock when I've sobered up.

My sisters the same, gets all deep over things and then the next day wakes up and says it's all lies.

Honeyroar · 12/10/2020 22:25

He felt insecure because his mate fancies you, so he tried to knock your confidence so you wouldn’t feel avoid enough to run off with his mate!

I know he was drunk, but perhaps he was listening to Dr Hook on his way home? And perhaps he just noticed the “fuck me now” in capitals on the side of your handbag?

Honeyroar · 12/10/2020 22:25

Good enough not avoid enough

strivingtosucceed · 12/10/2020 22:27

other things aside, I think it's unreasonable to expect your partner to think you're super gorgeous. They might be attracted to you, but I'm not sure that has to translate to bending light and transforming how you actually look.

I've dated guys that were admittedly not about to be on the GQ cover, but their personalities made theme extremely attractive to me.

Alonely1 · 12/10/2020 22:29

I think he was jealous his friend fancies you and was reacting to it . It’s not a very nice way to act to be honest .

Rewis · 12/10/2020 22:35

he usually highlights that he's not an insecure or jealous person.

I always think it's a yellow flag when people highlight something like this. It usually means the opposite.

Anyway, he got jealous and wanted to bring you down. It could be just his insecurity speaking at a drunken state. People can say dumb stuff. I would have a good talk to clear the air and then put this behind.

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/10/2020 22:35

In vino veritas. He's a knob.

Rewis · 12/10/2020 22:37

And by clearing the air I mean talk through about him accusing of you cheating (I don't think that is just drink talk) and commenting on looks (that can be drunk talk). Based on this talk you know better about his insecurities and can see the next steps.

seayork2020 · 12/10/2020 22:40

I do not believe the drunken ramblings of anyone if it keeps up he is being weird

of course on here you will be told to leave him and a woman would never do this in a million years, women never get drunk and jealous of me but if they do it is the man's fault for her being insecure.

oakleaffy · 12/10/2020 22:43

@DaisySweets11
Does your bag have a logo emblazoned with :

''I'm Single and Looking for a Hot Man'' on it?

If not, he is just being a typical pissed partner.

Take no notice of ''Drunkspeak''.

hotsouple · 12/10/2020 22:45

r/femaledatingstrategy

Tinyandpetite · 12/10/2020 22:46

Can I get a picture of your bag please? It sounds lovely and I really want one :p he was an insensitive, drunk- idiot and I’d be upset too x

JaffaCake70 · 12/10/2020 22:46

@SBTLove

Oh maybe we should all get this bag!!

I want the bag.. where can we all purchase 'the bag'?

oakleaffy · 12/10/2020 22:47

@DaisySweets11

My bag is just a black bag with a checkered pattern inbedded in it hahah

That isn't a checkered pattern

That is a barcode saying '' I'm young, Free and Single! ''

At least in your BF's mind? 👍

Crinkle77 · 12/10/2020 22:53

I'm also intrigued by this bag. It may not be the bag itself that is giving off cheating vibes but the contents perhaps? 😂😀😳

artisticpiles · 12/10/2020 22:59

Perhaps finding out that one of his friends likes you is what caused him to say those things. Maybe this friend insinuated that you might stray if given the chance.

Waveysnail · 12/10/2020 22:59

That's some handbag you have. You know you have to tease him for at least next couple of weeks about your 'single' bag. Perhaps he can buy you 'in a relationship' handbag

billy1966 · 12/10/2020 23:01

Agree with above.

He isn't super secure and confident, particularly having mentioned that he is🙄

His friend does fancy you.
He's pissed off and manages his insecurity by trying to put you down.

You have every right to be disappointed in him.
To take note.
To tell him, if you wish.
Don't feel wrong for being disappointed either.

It's not a dumping offense, but it definitely would be his card marked for me.

I would be very wary of any man who feels the need to put someone down because of their insecurities.

Good luck OP.

Asterion · 12/10/2020 23:02

@LightUpLetters

A drunk mind speaks a sobers heart.

Not necessarily. I used to talk utter garbage when I drank, and have arguments about absolutely nothing.

Marmite0nToast · 12/10/2020 23:06

I'm also intrigued by how a bag indicates you want to be single. Please can you ask him, OP? Only thing I can think of is:

One long strap = single
Two little carry handles = in a relationship
What about bags with both a long strap and two carry handles? The mind boggles......

yetanothernamitynamechange · 12/10/2020 23:06

I think his freind(s) said they found you attractive which upset him. To be honest I wouldn't be thrilled at being discussed like I was the prize sheep at the county fair but at the same time I don't think its that unnusual for men and women to discuss to a certain degree. However, it made him jealous and he tried to bring you down a peg by saying what he said. And then he followed his jealous line of thinking further hence the bag. It makes no sense since you weren't even there when his friends made the comments, but its drunk logic.
I would be pissed of if I was you, but I wouldn't let it make you feel insecure. If anything the takeaway is you are attractive (and your boyfriend is a twat when drunk)

ViciousJackdaw · 12/10/2020 23:07

Is this your bag?

Boyfriend made a comment about my looks.

emilybrontescorsett · 12/10/2020 23:08

In also intrigued by the bag. Is your boyfriend Louis Vuitton ?

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