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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cross that step daughter talked to DP on doorstep - Covid related

118 replies

Bananasinpyjamas20 · 12/10/2020 20:16

Just a bit of a rant really. My step daughter has her own family who live nearby. DP told me today that she was coming to collect something. She came around and DP handed her it on the doorstep. She then stood asking him about something for ages and DP kept saying just to look it up on Google, I could only hear bits as I was in the kitchen.

She was there for ages and seemed like she wanted to come in but DP sounded a bit non committal.

Then DP came in after she left and I asked how she was, and he let slip that the whole family are isolating as her husband is a close contact of a known Covid case and they have all been tested.

I’m pretty cross she came around for something unimportant and kept DP talking standing quite close for so long! I said to DP why is she came here when she should be isolating and he refused to talk about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Florencex · 13/10/2020 06:20

@Bananasinpyjamas20

Honestly it is no wonder that half the country are experiencing a second wave of Covid if everyone here thinks that someone who was told that her whole family has to self isolate - then doesn’t self isolate and talks to my DP for 30 minutes - is OK.

It’s not OK. It’s that kind of lacksidaisical ‘oh it’ll be alright even though a health professional told me clearly to stay home and not see anyone’ thinking that means the virus spreads.

I give up.

They did not need to self isolate and they definitely should not have been wasting tests like this. We have a national shortage of tests because people keep ordering them because somebody they know has symptoms. This is despite the fact there are umpteen warnings to not take a test unless you have symptoms throughout the ordering process.

Look up the guidance. You only need to self isolate if you, a person in your household or support bubble has symptoms or has tested positive or if you have been told to self isolate by track and trace. You should only take a test if you have symptoms.

And as for anything else, you are being beyond unreasonable and into being utterly ridiculous about her standing outside talking to her father.

Chunkyetfunky90 · 13/10/2020 07:30

justwingingmotherhood
Typical step mum 🙄 because all step mums are evil and nasty and don’t care about our step children get to fuck !!

Scaraffito · 13/10/2020 07:33

Ah this is why there's no tests.

ravensoaponarope · 13/10/2020 07:36

@emilyfrost

You say she has “her own family who live nearby”, which means you don’t think she’s part of your family.

She is.

This is why I voted YABU. You seem to be ignoring the fact that your husband is her family. Ideally you would consider yourself the same too.
LastGoldenDaysOfSummer · 13/10/2020 08:18

@Elsewyre

Ok so in your world where everyone followed the rules 100% do you just carry on like that forever? Or do you have an exit strategy?

I mean if you think lockdown will eradicate it fuck it whole hog and lose a year and ditch the cold and the flu from the population too?

Not sure why you feel the need to be so aggressive. I assume you're one who thinks the rules shouldn't apply to you, there's an arrogance in your post that implies that.

It's rank stupidity to attempt to equate Covid with flu or the common cold. My son, who was infected early on, has long covid and is still ill.

If people had kept to the guidelines in the first place we wouldn't be here now. The students in my nearest city are just carrying on as normal and getting infected and passing it on. If people won't look out for the health of the weak and the vulnerable because it's the right thing to do then the government has to step in before their selfishness fills the hospitals.

LastGoldenDaysOfSummer · 13/10/2020 08:20

This is why I voted YABU. You seem to be ignoring the fact that your husband is her family. Ideally you would consider yourself the same too.

Please read the OP again.

He isn't her husband.

And it isn't his home, he doesn't live there.

emilyfrost · 13/10/2020 08:23

Please read the OP again.

He isn't her husband.

And it isn't his home, he doesn't live there.

LastGoldenDaysOfSummer I think you’re the one that needs to read the OP again; it doesn’t mention at all in it or any subsequent posts whether the partner lives there or not.

LastGoldenDaysOfSummer · 13/10/2020 08:27

@emilyfrost

Please read the OP again.

He isn't her husband.

And it isn't his home, he doesn't live there.

LastGoldenDaysOfSummer I think you’re the one that needs to read the OP again; it doesn’t mention at all in it or any subsequent posts whether the partner lives there or not.

Ah, I had this confused with another thread. I got it wrong. I admit that.

Are you going to admit you got it wrong as well?

Spottydoggy · 13/10/2020 08:28

Julie is that you??

There was a thread a day or so ago (now deleted for some reason) where the step daughter was having a roasting for complaining about the stepmother controlling her father and her not being able to call her father on the phone if she was there.

The consensus on that thread was the stepdaughter was BU.

Mumsnet is a funny old place....two similar scenarios and a huge difference of opinion depending on who the OP is.

hexmeginny · 13/10/2020 08:29

Gosh, let's hope Priti Patel doesn't live opposite, she will have reported you!

Get a grip, OP. This is all getting well out of hand.

Nanny0gg · 13/10/2020 08:31

@Bananasinpyjamas20

Honestly it is no wonder that half the country are experiencing a second wave of Covid if everyone here thinks that someone who was told that her whole family has to self isolate - then doesn’t self isolate and talks to my DP for 30 minutes - is OK.

It’s not OK. It’s that kind of lacksidaisical ‘oh it’ll be alright even though a health professional told me clearly to stay home and not see anyone’ thinking that means the virus spreads.

I give up.

Why don't you ASK her for more information?
lioncitygirl · 13/10/2020 08:42

Jesus Christ. Really OP?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Feefifo9 · 13/10/2020 08:58

Under the rules she can go about life as normal so she was actually being more cautious than the rules.

Feefifo9 · 13/10/2020 09:01

If my husband’s colleague tests positive, my children are still allowed to go to school for example.
She could (assuming less than 6 and not in local lockdown) have come in for a cuppa. She obviously chose to keep her distance by staying on the doorstep whilst getting to see her dad. I’d say this is a prime example of someone taking a balanced sensible approach.

Bluesheep8 · 13/10/2020 09:31

As a pp said, only the close contact has to self-isolate and their household only needs to self-isolate if the close contact tests positive, which they haven't yet, so nowt wrong here.

This.

Mittens030869 · 13/10/2020 09:57

** Chunkyetfunky90

justwingingmotherhood
Typical step mum 🙄 because all step mums are evil and nasty and don’t care about our step children get to fuck !!**

I’m afraid that there’s a type of poster who pops up on all stepmum threads simply to be nasty. Obviously they’re projecting massively from their own experiences but it’s still really unkind.

I’m not a stepmum but my DSis is and she loves her DSS the same as her own DC and has always made sure that he’s treated equally.

Having said that, I did vote YABU, as her DP and DSD weren’t breaking the rules.

Justwingingmotherhood · 13/10/2020 10:11

@Mittens030869 please tell me how I'm being nasty? She does sound like a typical stepmum. And yes I have an awful stepmom and also know other "stepmums" and they are the exact same. It's very rare you get a "nice" one. That's MY opinion. Not being nasty. This is the internet if you cant handle different views and opinions i suggest you get off! Smile

Mittens030869 · 13/10/2020 10:35

And I can tell you that I know of some very loving stepmums (like my DSis). Yes there are some stepmums that were like yours, but that doesn't make it right to generalise.

I had an abusive F, but I wouldn't say that an abusive F was a 'typical dad' just because there are a lot that in fact are.

I'm not a stepmum, so I'm not upset. I'm speaking up for stepmums that are not like that. I'm as allowed to speak up as you are.

Anyway, this thread is about Covid rules; chances are that the OP would have had the same opinion if it was her MIL or her OH's best mate. It just happens that it was her SD. (I might be wrong obviously, but I'm not going to judge the OP as a typical stepmum on the basis of one incident.)

Mittens030869 · 13/10/2020 10:37

And yes, you're welcome to your views. But I'm also allowed to tell you mine.

Justwingingmotherhood · 13/10/2020 10:40

@Mittens030869 so your view of me is that I'm nasty? I know there are some lovely stepmoms out there but they dont come under "typical". Its rare you get a lovely one that treats that child like there own. You have misunderstood me. An abusive father doesnt come under typical either it's a completely different comparison.

Chunkyetfunky90 · 13/10/2020 10:46

Mittens030869
Agree with you,

Mittens030869 · 13/10/2020 10:48

Sorry, I didn't mean to speak as strongly as that. I'm really sorry that you had such a bad experience with your stepmum. We all speak according to our own experiences.

I've noticed (from reading Mumsnet threads) that a lot of stepmums resent being expected to do the lion's share of the childcare because so-called 'Disney dads' aren't stepping up to the plate. (It's not an excuse obviously, but some of the blame needs to be directed towards the dad if he's leaving the stepmum to do the parenting.)

That's just an impression I get. I'm not a stepmum, I'm an adoptive mum, which is very different. But I accept that some adoptees have negative experiences of adoption and might speak about a 'typical adoptive parent.

My mention about abusive fathers was to show how much we're shaped by our own experiences. There is no such thing as 'typical' anything.

Stantons · 13/10/2020 10:54

Yanbu however it's a step parent thing and this is mumsnet.....

Original poster
Bananasinpyjamas20 · 13/10/2020 12:48

A brief update - step daughter’s husband has now tested positive for Covid-19 but isn’t experiencing many symptoms. Step daughter and her child’s tests are not back yet.

I don’t know where all the confusion on this thread came from about self isolation - yes I didn’t know exactly why there were told to self-isolate - DP vague tbh - but he did clearly say that his daughter had said that she had been tested - and awaiting results when she came - and that a health professional had told her to self isolate.

Step daughter does have symptoms apparently - I asked DP today. Her and DP had been talking for 30 minutes inside the door standing fairly close, but the door wasn’t closed, so he’s waiting the results of her test to see if he should be tested.

OP posts:
Bollss · 13/10/2020 13:02

so he’s waiting the results of her test to see if he should be tested

unless HE has symptoms he doesn't need to test.