Who will look after your children if you were to die?

[UnicornAndSparkles]

DH and i need to update our Wills. We have a 3yo and another on the way. Our parents are both in their late 70s and unfit to look after young children.

DH's siblings (2 sisters)are the same age as us (early 30s) but don't have children. One wants them, and is going through IVF, but is in the army and therefore liable to move around often and possibly be away from the rest of the family for years on end. The other is unsure if she wants children, and has ME, so i don't feel it's fair to ask.

My siblings are much older than DH and I. My sister is 45yo with a teenager and her husband is 50. I could ask my sister but honestly I think she would struggle; she works full time and frequently admits she struggled with motherhood when her daughter was young. She thinks I'm mad to have a second baby. My brother is older, 50, with grown up children. I don't get on well with his wife and don't feel comfortable with her raising my children.

So that leaves friends. Whilst we could pick a couple that we love and that are already in our daughter's life, now that we have a second child on the way it seems a lot to ask of anyone.

What would you do? Who have you written in your Will to care for your children should the worst happen?
If we don't write Wills, what will happen to the children if under 18?

I don't have kids of my own but if anything happens to my sister and BIL then my nephews would come to live with me.

Regardless of who you choose, please make sure you have a good life Iife insurance policy in place to provide for the DCs until they are at least 18.

My SiL has agreed to look after my DCs (though they are older now) with my FiL nominally in charge to make decisions.

My DH died already so I’m bringing mine up alone - my BIL and SIL are down to have them but there is no ideal solution as they live a long way away. Hopefully I’ll make it to 51!

Sounds like you should go with good friends and update will if anything changes. I would be more than happy to be named if good friends asked.

I’m just trying to think what’s put down in our wills but it seemed so hypothetical that I can’t even remember. Tbh, if the worst were to happen, I’d take in any family children happily and do my best for them even though I’m like your sister and don’t feel cut out for motherhood.

We have excellent life insurance, and everything insurance tbh. Will provide financially for all children until 18yo. Costs a blaady fortune but worth it.

And absolutely re life insurance as previous poster said. And critical illness cover if you can afford that as an add-on. I never, ever expected my husband to be terminally ill by 33.

Oh you’re sorted. Excellent.

*so there should be no financial commitment to whoever has the kids; they will be fully provided for. It's the emotional commitment I'm concerned with.

My preference in my will is a close friend as my son has a very good attachment to him, he would also be happy to live in our flat so my son wouldn’t have to move.

It will probably be changed in the future to my partner, but thats a tad premature at the moment.

So sorry for your loss @tunnocksreturns2019 , such an awful thing to happen especially at such a young age.

Also interested to know what happens if no will is made.
If anything happened to my OH and I I imagine my Mum would have mine. She’s not quite mid 50s so would be in her 60s when they are teens so it’s doable.
My slightly younger sister might step up BUT she works long hours and I don’t imagine she’d be keen to give that up.

I would like to say my family but they hardly help now. I’m a single parent so it scares me what might happen to them. I don’t have life insurance as I struggle to pay the bills as it is. It makes me feel panicked just thinking about it.

We have my sister. Our lawyer told us only to name her and not her and her husband, in case they break up.

My sister also has 2 similar age, so we would have her children. She lives down our road, they’ll go to the same school and see each other about 4 times a week.

I had one friend executor, two separate friends to be legal guardians.

I made it clear I didn't expect them to look after DC themselves but to advocate to social services on their behalf and they weren't to go to my family. With 4 DC long term foster care or adoption may have been what is best for them had the worst ever happened.

The chances of both parents dying are actually incredibly slim. We haven't updated our wills but they are 15-23 and the eldest would step in now and least for the interim period.

Either PIL or my aunt.

Both of my boys have additional needs. The idea of leaving them young makes me feel so scared.

My mum and then my father in law would have our children, we d be looking after my much younger sister if anything happened to mum and my step dad.

My dad died when I was a child without a will or life insurance so it took 6 months to go through probate so I d advise at least having wills to make that quicker if no guardians are named in them at the moment. I believe if you don't chose guardians they could be in foster care unless a someone agrees to have responsibility for them, otherwise a court would decide what happened.

Our two, 12 and 10, have older brothers aged 32 and 31 so they're on the wills.

My brother looked into this, I’m sure if there is no will then children automatically go down the male blood line (still from the good old days haha)

(Plus the younger ones have their own finds so would be fine financially)

We've named pil as first choice, there late 50s, and in good health. But as there a bit older, we've put my sister as a second option in case there health deteriorates buy the time we die and they no longer feel able to have them.

Kids are 4 and 1, so pil could be 80 by the time they're independent, so wanted to leave them the option. The kids going to DS wouldn't be ideal, as she already has 3 of her own of similar ages, but was the best option we had. I would definitely consider a close friend, the only reason we didn't is because non of ours would manage our 2 on top of their own.

Whoever has them will also get money to cover their expenses.

My niece. She’s 15 years older than DD but the only person I know who could do it, although DD is 17 next April so nearly an adult anyway.

No one to be honest. One has extra health needs as well. I don’t tend to think about it because I don’t talk to well, any of my family really, maybe my partners sister would but they have four young ones of their own so I don’t know how feasible that would be. I hope it doesn’t ever come to that though.

I would 100% take on my best friends little one, we have been friends since school and I have a good relationship with the little one and have been in her life from day 1. She’s not asked but I hope if she was to do a will she would consider me. Her mum was an appalling mother, she has no siblings so is left with her SIL who she isn’t keen on.

@LG101 my eyes just went so wide in panic when I read what you posted there. The idea of my kids with my OHs family fills me with terror.

My adult DC would care for my secondary school aged DC, chat already had. Fucked if me and eldest die. Poor youngest. Doesn't bare think about