Can we afford a child?

[BlackLipstick]

Our joint income is over £3500 a month, after tax. Our mortgage, bills and food costs £1500 a month.

My husband thinks we can't afford a child because childcare about be £1200 a month (for 5 days full time). He thinks £800 is not enough disposable income. He loves to spend money but I doubt many families have more than £800 disposable income a month. If we had a child I would want to reduce my days to 4 days but that would be a bigger drop in income which he isn't keen on.

The £800 would have to pay for car insurance (about £500 annual), clothes, days out, anything else needed etc.

Would you definitely want kids eventually? It depends on your age, whether you might have medical conditions where pregnancy may be difficult or whether you have a family history of things that may affect fertility.

It sounds like conceiving is not as high on his priority list as for you. You need to discuss this because - the risks aren’t necessarily the same for both of you. It is good that you have thought of this now rather than further down the line. Do talk about it rather than putting it off.

I can afford 4 on that!

Of course you can afford a child. The question is whether you and your DH have the same idea of what you see life with a child looking like.

If you're wanting private education, lots of expensive enrichment activities, you and DH to be having regular date nights, weekends away and several overseas holidays a year then that's very different to wanting a comfortable but not lavish lifestyle and one family holiday a year.

Well, yes, you could afford a child. The question is really whether your DH wants one.

My DH and I have a similar amount of disposable in a good month - we feel fine but I only work 29 hrs.

@AlexaShutUp

Well, yes, you could afford a child. The question is really whether your DH wants one.

Agree with this ...

This must be a goady post. There are people who are bringing up multiple children on half that income for goodness sake.

If this is serious, I'd suggest your husband is making excuses not to have children rather than it being a money issue.

He doesn't want a child.

You probably will be better off cutting to 4 days since you will be paying for childcare.

How long have you been together OP? And how are are you both.

It’s not a matter of whether you can afford a child - of course you can, people manage on much less. It’s whether you are willing to sacrifice the lifestyle you can have ok £2k disposable income to have one.

Also remember that full time childcare is a relatively short term expense. You won’t always be shelling out £1200 a month. My wrap around childcare for DS is £16.50 per day in Greater London.

Your husband is gaslighting you. You can well afford a baby, your husband doesn't want one.

You are correct OP. Not many families have £800 per month disposable income.
Child-care can be expensive but it's only for a few years. You would need to offset any reduction in income due to working part-time against reduced child-care costs.

We have been together 10 years, both 30 next year.

I am not being goody, he is the one who is making me wonder if we can afford it - he hates the thought of spending so much on childcare and says we can't afford it. He thinks other people get grandparents to look after the kids but that isn't an option for us unfortunately.

The question is does he want children? It's doable (and you'll get child benefit as an addition) but sacrifices are required to have a family. Too many posters here on Mumsnet have procreated with men who haven't grasped this and who won't adjust their lifestyles or spending. Age obviously comes into it as to whether waiting is a possibility. Serious conversation is needed

He doesnt want a child.

There are loads of ways your income will change eg

• tax free childcare will knock a bit off that childcare bill, I think around £150 pm
• child benefit will be around £84 pm

You could also consider making changes to your mortgage to reduce monthly cost (eg extend the term).

The period where childcare costs are SO high is not forever as your 30 hours worth of funding kicks in age 3 (equates to around £125 a week at most local authority rates).

He is being utterly ridiculous, we are a family of 4 and a dog on half that and we more than manage.

Your husband sounds like he doesn't want a child.

£800 disposable income not enough to raise a baby!? Ha.

I'll be raising my baby on £200 disposable income after rent, bills and food and will manage so I think you'll be absolutely fine

You need to have some very long conversations with him, asap, before your fertile years are long gone and you're left without children. He is feeding you a line with this ridiculous money excuse.

You don’t really have £800/mo disposable income. You need to subtract from that the other bills like car and home insurance, emergency savings, clothes, days out, pension contributions, and all the other costs of a child (childcare is the biggest cost but not all they cost) etc.

But yes, you could afford a child. But it’s not just a question of affordability but can you both accept the lifestyle change?

Too, are your jobs secure long term? Children just get more expensive as they multiply and get older. I have two in university now and oh my, so glad we saved from birth for that cost because it’s half our current income per year to pay tuition, housing, food, and allowance for necessities for two of them.

And no, not everyone has grandparents providing care. I dont know many people who do. You can also try to reduce your childcare bill by using a childminder which is cheaper

Has he actually said wants children / family - or has he just nodded along when you've said you do?

If he is genuinely concerned about job security and affordability, have you built up a savings cushion?

How much does he think you need to earn between you to afford a child then OP?

You don’t have £800/mo disposable income, it sounds like you haven’t taken off all the bills from that, and stuff like clothes, days out, things that babies need apart from childcare, holidays if you wanted. Having said that, I think you could still afford it, with the required changes in lifestyle.
That disposable income wouldn’t be enough for me, I would only feel safe with more, to cover emergencies, issues with job stability, etc. And children to get expensive as they grow older, a lot of the time people think baby stage is the expensive stage but it’s not like that.

I also think it sounds like an excuse and he doesn’t want/isn’t ready for a child.

It’s always a big change when you have a child regardless of your income. You’re in a good position as you’re on the property ladder, married with full time jobs etc.

I’d say whilst childcare is costly, you naturally spend less on other stuff like going out and everyone seems to manage.

Perhaps your husband might feel better if you build up some savings that you could dip into until you get funding when the child is 3.