Can we afford a child?

[BlackLipstick]

Our joint income is over £3500 a month, after tax. Our mortgage, bills and food costs £1500 a month.

My husband thinks we can't afford a child because childcare about be £1200 a month (for 5 days full time). He thinks £800 is not enough disposable income. He loves to spend money but I doubt many families have more than £800 disposable income a month. If we had a child I would want to reduce my days to 4 days but that would be a bigger drop in income which he isn't keen on.

The £800 would have to pay for car insurance (about £500 annual), clothes, days out, anything else needed etc.

Agree with everybody else. That is a wonderful income for two people so young. There are hundreds of thousands of families bringing up their children with far less income.
This is about whether he is ready to have dc.

You can also do things such as extending the term of the mortgage to have lower repayments whilst forking out for a nursery/childminder.

I have brought up 3 children on much less than that. Your husband is not telling you the truth- he doesn't want a child.

If you want a child then you make it work. You give up on other luxuries and make sacrifices. I wouldn't live in the same house, drive the same car or wear the same clothes as I do now if I didn't have my DC. I would travel a lot more and take part in an expensive hobby.

We are raising ds on much less than you op.

Your mortgage must be pretty low if £1500 includes everything, you need to add up absolutely everything, petrol, food, top up shops, annual bills such as car insurance and TV licence, and the monthly outgoings for a child, go back and average all monthly spending over a 6-12 month period. You can raise a child on a shoestring (not saying that's what you have) but do you want to really budget or would you rather wait until you've saved a bit/earn a little more? Are there things you need to do first eg old leaky bathroom/draughty Windows etc.
We put £200 a month side to spend on DS and that doesn't include swimming lessons, or his other groups and we put £100 a month in his savings account. Most months we don't spend his budget, but some months we spend more, like when he has a growth spurt and the season changes so he needs a full winter wardrobe, new coat, wet weather gear, wellies, boots and shoes (I won't compromise on properly fitted footwear) , we decided to ERF and logistics and childcare would've made one car seat very difficult and two ERFs was quite an outlay. There are so many variables it's very difficult to say. You need to work out exactly what your spending is, estimate generously for additional costs including childcare, the loss of income from Mat leave, (I got a decent package and still lost over £25k that year), and exactly what kind of lifestyle you would like for your family with a child or more than one. That's the only way to work it out.
We've decided to just have one because we could afford two but we will be able to offer DS a lot more in the way of opportunities as an only and will have a comfortable amount of disposable income. There are people who raise five children on 15-20% of our income and are happy to do that, it's a very personal choice.

I think it’s doable. Do you have a savings cushion to fall back on?

How much do you earn OP? It might not make much of a difference financially to go to 4 days if you’re not a high earner.

My experience of having a baby and then a toddler is that certain costly lifestyle things you do as a couple, like fancy holidays abroad and nice restaurants and drinking in expensive bars just don’t happen so I don’t really notice the cut in income for 3 days at nursery.

At thirty you probably have some time to decide but as PPs pointed out just make sure your OH is on board with having kids.

Has he told you he wants to have a baby ? Because it just looks like he's pulling up any excuse not to.. and to point out his spending money is more important than caring for a child.

Please dont have a child with him if this is his attitude towards it

If you want a child then you make it work. You give up on other luxuries and make sacrifices

100% agree.

My husband thinks we can't afford a child

Maybe he just doesn’t want one.

It's a question of what your priorities are, isn't it?

Mine and my husbands income is very similar to yours and with my grandparents for childcare.

We manage absolutely fine with our two children, we certainly don’t feel like we can’t afford it.

If at the age of 30, after 10 years together, he is still finding reasons not to have a child then I think you need to ask yourself if the money reason is just a convenient excuse.

I mean we have no grandparents for childcare.

On those incomes you'll be able to get tax free childcare. Which will make the £1200 per month more like 1k. Then depending on how that £3500 is earned, it's quite possible the lower earner dropping a day won't make much difference to overall costs either. This may not be you of course. But it would be worth doing the sums so any decision can be informed.

If at the age of 30, after 10 years together, he is still finding reasons not to have a child then I think you need to ask yourself if the money reason is just a convenient excuse

This!! He probably likes how things are and doesn’t want it to change which is totally understandable but if that’s the case he needs to be upfront about it. It’s OK not to want kids.

Agree DH isn't pushed on having kids. My DH was arguing all this also but we did have a child. He started the same song again and I accepted that he just didn't want another child. He is great with our son but just has different priorities. I suspect your DH is feeding you a line. You should get to the bottom of it now.

he hates the thought of spending so much on childcare

If he hates it now, what is ever going to make him change his mind? He doesn't sound like he wants children especially.

With what you have described, of course you can.

Can you work part time and can your husband adjust his hours so the baby isn’t in childcare full time?

I agree he doesn’t want a child.

Do you earn the same amount? If so, one of you will be bringing home very little after childcare so could consider a career break. If one of you earns more, then the other one might be earning nothing at all after childcare to make the decision easier.

You can afford a child on your income.

We have similar incomes and outgoings and are expecting DC2. We also don't have grandparents for regular childcare.

I did drop to 4 days a week. Once you take into account tax etc we are £20 a month worse off for me having an extra day with DS

Tax free childcare takes 20% off our bill

Childminder is cheaper for us than nursery and better fits our ethos

So yes you can afford it.

It is a lifestyle change though. We don't go out for dinner etc as a couple now because
with a babysitter we couldn't afford it. We do have planned date nights in. Etc

What are you currently doing with your £2k disposable income? If you were both serious about wanting a baby you could start saving £1200 a month to 'practise' and build some savings. Even if you conceived immediately that would be over £10k saved by the time you had the baby. However your DH presumably feels he would rather continue to spend that money. If childcare is a massive deal, there are other options like working compressed hours, but it's not such a big deal on your salaries.

I agree that he probably doesn't want a baby and is giving you excuses.

If your DH really wants a baby he should be willing to sacfrice some things. You can afford a child on that income

You could easily start putting several hundred away a month and build up your savings pot.

I completely disagree that it's him saying he doesn't want a child. Your lifestyle matches your income so high nursery fees may feel unaffordable to lose. Someone on 20k a year thinks someone of 50k is loaded but often that person doesn't feel rich.