Can we afford a child?

[BlackLipstick]

Our joint income is over £3500 a month, after tax. Our mortgage, bills and food costs £1500 a month.

My husband thinks we can't afford a child because childcare about be £1200 a month (for 5 days full time). He thinks £800 is not enough disposable income. He loves to spend money but I doubt many families have more than £800 disposable income a month. If we had a child I would want to reduce my days to 4 days but that would be a bigger drop in income which he isn't keen on.

The £800 would have to pay for car insurance (about £500 annual), clothes, days out, anything else needed etc.

What are you currently doing with your £2k disposable income? If you were both serious about wanting a baby you could start saving £1200 a month to 'practise' and build some savings. Even if you conceived immediately that would be over £10k saved by the time you had the baby. However your DH presumably feels he would rather continue to spend that money. If childcare is a massive deal, there are other options like working compressed hours, but it's not such a big deal on your salaries

That's a great idea, but it does sound like either he doesn't want a child and/or he might do but he doesn't want to change his lifestyle or spending habits.

If you did have one, chances are that you would end up doing everything for the baby and trying to make ends meet while he's off doing other things that cost money and take him away from his parenting responsibilities.

Is both of you cutting down to part time an option? If you both did 4 days a week, but one did M-Th and the other Tu-Fr or some other combination, then you'd only have to pay for 3 days childcare, which would be a significant reduction.

Do you see him doing night feeds, nappy changes, bed time, nursery pick ups and drop offs on work days, time off work if the baby is sick and everything else that comes with having a baby? If not, you might have to consider whether or not you should really have a child with him.

Others have covered the fact you could afford to have a child, I just wanted to provide a bit of balance to the comments about this meaning your DH doesn’t want a child.

I think it’s logical, sensible and commendable to check if you can afford to raise a child before you commit to having one.

You will always be a bit poorer having dc, he just doesn’t want them either at all or with you. I’m sorry I wrote that second bit but I have seen so many relationships where men stall and then bugger off and marry and have dc quickly with someone else and women have wasted their fertile years waiting.

Children are expensive and their welfare is prioritised so at some point it is likely that your standard of living will be impacted but the way you live your lives will also change dramatically. It sounds like you could afford to have children from what you write but that he is more aware that circumstances change as do costs. It may be he wants to get a clearer idea of what he will have to give up (holidays, hobbies, time together, ambitions for future home and retirement) once that commitment is made. Most couples find having kids a joy which make up for this but some can really struggle with the sacrifices and loss of financial security which are relevant.

OP, as others have said he might not want the kids full stop and is using money as the excuse. You really do need to get to the bottom of this if you want to have kids; you’re still young but equally don’t have forever.

I have a lovely friend who walked away from her first marriage after being strung along for years by her husband. He kept putting off having a baby and finally admitted after years of “let’s wait one more year” that he didn’t want them. So she left and is now married to a great man with 3 kids (one is very close to my DD).

You know you can afford a child. The question is if he wants one.

So many people saying he is being unreasonable but I think he is being sensible. I would hate to struggle and bring a child into the world intentionally without the means to support it.

If he has no experience of children he wont know how much they cost so of course he wont know if 800 disposable is enough.

On the face of it, he is not unreasonable to say he doesn’t feel you are ready financially.
You need to work out if or when he wants a child though. When is your income likely to increase to a level that he would be comfortable with? Or is he hoping one of your parents will retire and offer childcare?

It is so important for a woman your age in a relationship who wants children to sort these things out ASAP. He has the luxury of time that you do not have. If you wait until you are 35 to try for a baby and then discover fertility issues how will you feel then?

We've just had a baby and both working ft we come out with joint earnings of around £2300-£2500 pm. £900 of that is rent and I have two kids with my ex-husband. It's doable but you have to prioritise for sure.

I spent a while saving up, not for may leave (long service public sector) but for the but when you first go back to work. I had 2 close together and is was good to know I had some savings when they were both in childcare and none of it was funded. We were on less than you, OP, but had a very small mortgage (for a very small house in a very unfashionable area!)